Advice For my Mom

Parents Forum
1

Hi all,

I thought that maybe someone in this forum could give some good advice.

I’ve just been talking to my mom, and she’s conflicted about what to do in the future.

She’s 45 and a mother of 3 - my 25 year old sister, myself (19) and my 13 year old brother.

She has her B.S in developmental psychology from when she was younger. She raised my sister and I while my dad worked - he built a pretty solid career and we were a single-income house for a while.

At one point, he got cancer and my mom started working - not enough to support us but, along with our savings, we made it through until my dad recovered and started working again.

She went to school in Louisiana to get her teaching certification and was just about done (after a year and a half part time) when we moved to Oregon. She thought that her credits would transfer, but they didn’t. She’d have to start over again to get certified as a teacher here. She talked to college advisors, and their best advice was for her to go back to Louisiana to complete her certification, which isn’t really an option since it would mean leaving her family for 6 months.

She’s working part time as a spanish instructor now (lower pay, no certification required), but her yearly pay is around the same as my dad’s end-of-the-year bonuses. Her side of the family tends to live well into their 90’s but, with my dad’s cancer and general sub-healthy lifestyle, it wouldn’t be a surprise if my dad didn’t make it past his 60’s.

She’s worried about how she is going to support herself after my dad dies. We talked about PhD programs – she wanted to do that when she was younger, but she stopped to take care of my sister — but she doesn’t think there’s any way for her to do that for free, since she doesn’t think she can compete with recent graduates.

Pretty lengthy post, but couldn’t think of a good way to shorten it.

if tl;dr: 45 year old mother has B.S. in psychology. Wants to build a career in psychology or teaching without much cost so that she can support herself if/when my dad dies early. Options?

Thanks for your help,
Julian

2

Could she teach in a private school without certification?

3

I’m so sorry your dad was ill, Julian. Has your mom checked the [online programs](https://www.louisianaonline.org/ByLevel.php?level=4-year) offered by Louisiana’s public colleges? If she can get her credits transferred to one of them she may be able to finish her degree. It looks like she can get a [Transitional Teaching Certificate](Oregon Teacher Reciprocity Agreements | Teaching certification in OR for out-of-state teachers - Teaching Certification) in Oregon once she completes her degree in LA, but if she has any deficiencies she’ll have to make them up.

4

@Hunt That is what she did while she was in school in Louisiana (a local christian school hired her as a full-time Spanish teacher on the condition that she was working towards her certification). Unfortunately, it seems like the regulations tend to be more strict in Oregon. I will mention it to her, though

@austinmshauri It’s okay - he’s doing much better now. And is a hell of a cook. I’ll mention the online program but I think she’s looked at them – they’re offered for regular degrees, but not for teaching certifications for adults who already have degrees. She has to be in person for at least one of the classes she has remaining (& there’s some sort of observation-in-classroom requirement in Louisiana).

5

I’m sorry to hear about your father’s illness. You’re a good kid for looking out for your mom.

I think your family should really challenge whether 6 months’ separation for your mom is truly not feasible. It’s not like there aren’t flights/phone/skype. I know LOTS of people who have had to endure much longer separations to achieve a goal. This is only 6 months. Even when u and your siblings go off to college, you may have to separate from your family to achieve your educational goals.

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Western Governors University-- full online, she’d likely get some credit for work completed, and it’s competency based so she can demonstrate competency via tests, papers and progress quickly. They have many teacher certification programs at the bachelors and masters level. It’s really affordable-- $3000 for 6 month term (she’d likely need 2 or 3 terms to complete a masters.) It’s a program that is meant for working adults-- it’s fully accredited and highly rated among teacher preparation programs.

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Just an aside, I think the variation in teacher certifications across states is just nuts. My former state has a ridiculously onerous process. It is almost impossible for college students who go out of state to get certified, or for experienced teachers to move in. Julian, do you live near a state border (like if you are in Portland, can your mom get certified in Washington)? If she does, will that certification be usable in Oregon, or could she continue to teach across the border?

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If on line credits are not an option, I would try to support the six months’ absence so she can finish her degree. Sounds like your mom has done a lot to pull your family through a hard time and that you all provided mutual support during your dad’s illness. A short time sacrifice could result in a long term benefit for all of you.

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@oneundecided I was going to recommend WGU but you beat me to it!

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@GMTplus7 @mamaedefamilia yeah - while my mom could theoretically do the 6 months away, I don’t think she would hear of it – perhaps after my brother graduated high school. After graduation is something to think about, though

@intparent I’ve definitely heard some horrors about teacher certification – comforting, in a sort of twisted way, to know that others have had similar problems aha. We’re a couple hours from the border, but that would definitely beat going over to Louisiana. She wouldn’t be thrilled, but it’s a possibility. Thanks!

@kidzncatz @oneundecided two points for WGU. I had never heard of it, and it looks like a possibility. I’ll throw it by her and let you know if it turns into anything. Thanks much!!

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Your brother is 13. It’ll be another 4 years later if she waits for him to graduate. I would challenge her why she can’t do it sooner.

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You would be surprised what a family can pull together and do. I have a female friend who had to go a couple of states away for seminary school for a year while her kids were in middle school. She did it – her kids really stepped up to help with cooking and stuff around the house. Is your older sister nearby to help out?

13

What about going back to school for a degree in social work? There are part time programs and she can still tend to taking care of the family but well on her way to a career. If she is bilingual in Spanish, then she will be easily in demand anywhere with a Hispanic population.

14

The longer your mom postpones finishing her certification, the less likely she’ll ever return to it.

15

Julian, that must have been very hard on your whole family when your dad was sick. I’m glad he is doing better now.

I have to agree with your mom regarding going to Louisiana for six months. I would never even consider that as an option. I would look at online options (WGU sounds promising), or start taking summer courses over the border and deal with the long drive.

16

To a young person, 6 months may seem like a long time.

In reality, and in the big picture, it’s nothing. It seems to the absolute quickest way for your mom to get her full teaching credentials. As mentioned, many others do similar or much longer separations in order to achieve financial goals.

People in the military are deployed for long periods of time. 6 months would probably be a minimum of separation, and many many military families weather this and come out okay.

My DH got cancer, too. He had to move to another city for treatment. We all did what we had to do to support this and though difficult, it wasn’t something that we ever would have considered to reject as an option. Granted, your mom’s life doesn’t depend on a 6 month separation, but nevertheless, the benefits of doing this would be significant for your entire family.

17

Is the entire family (including you and your older sister) in Oregon? If you all live together or close by (within an hour), then having your mother go to Louisiana for six months is feasible. At 13, your brother is at the age he can contribute to the household by doing chores, cooking, laundry, yardwork, etc. The older siblings can certainly help out with the household.

If, on the other hand, it’s just your mother, father and younger brother in Oregon, I can see why your mother is reluctant to leave. But I still say, if your father is in remission, healthy and working, this is the time for your mother to go to Louisiana for six months and finish up her certification. Do it while your father is healthy to take care of the household and your brother.

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Is there any reason she cannot complete a Ph.D. in Oregon? We have had numerous friends and family members who have gone back to school in their 40’s and 50’s for graduate school including rigorous programs ranked in the top 10 nationally. It isn’t easy, but she could certainly compete. I’d just look for a school that she could commute to.

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PhDs are five years of your life and long hours. Better to spend 6 months on the road than do that.

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Does she need to study on-site in LA in order to complete her teacher-training program? How many of those courses can she get online? Can she get any of them in an intensive situation in the summer session/January term? Is she only missing the student teaching portion, and if so, can that be coordinated remotely? Sometimes those things are possible.