Advice for Parent of a Smart Introvert

Parents Forum
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<p>With all the discussion of introversion I need to jump in with a book (hey, I'm an extrovert- like 75% of the general population, therefore not an introvert like 75% of the highly gifted)- The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney, c 2002 (subtitle- How To Thrive In An Extrovert World). Worth owning, wish I had it while raising an introverted son. </p>

<p>Since many of the best students will be introverted the admissions people must be used to dealing with their traits, even if only subconsciously. Being aware of the hardwired modus operandi of others will help your son navigate the admissions process and still be his true self, especially if he gets a typically more extroverted interviewer. I have noticed how my son opens up with his circle of friends, they fit his temperment more than his extroverted mother (so hard to mesh instant with deliberate paces...).</p>

<p>Don't dismiss the large public U's, with their numbers they will likely have enough diversity to have people who suit your son's personality, despite any dominant characteristics demonstrated.</p>

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<p>wis75 ... thanks for the book rec. After reading an excerpt on Amazon, I just ordered it. Looks great.</p>

<p>zebes</p>

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<p>Amherst College and Oberlin come to mind. My eldest 2 went to those places.</p>

<p>I believe in small or medium-sized LAC's for introverted and very brilliant students, because they will find like-minded friends and discover community. They will not ghettoize, either, since there are few enough people that they must learn to interact with others. For example, my D was interested in writing (and was quite immature emotionally, socially); a tangential thinker, very creative and spontaneous. By sophomore year, her boyfriend was in Computer Science; a focused and logical thinker, very organized and in need of someone to take him away from the screen and smell the roses. They met each other through a Gaming EC. If they'd only socialized with others of same majors, perhaps their paths would have never crossed, but at a small LAC this happened very readily. Both of their lives improved for having met each other. Their circle of friends encompassed every other major: social science, the arts, physical science, math, music...and their educations were a case of "the sum is greater than the parts." </p>

<p>I think universities are great for people who use resources well, and since "resources" are also people, if he has some way to go in learning to connect with people, he's less likely to push his weight around enough at a university early on. So I'm sorry but I would not send a person with this profile to Cornell. Why?? It's a huge university that rewards academics but does not require a person to leave his academic comfort zone. Unless you want the student to have the exact same skill set as when he entered college, I am rah-rah for him to pick the highest caliber LAC's in the country and leave the Unis for graduate school.</p>

<p>Amherst doesn't do any interviews, so you could avoid that issue there.</p>

<p>Oberlin has a reputation for "think outside the box", "quirky" whatever you wish to call it, but my D said that her friends "embraced their inner nerd" and were all wonderful people, brilliant, funny, patient with each other. They absolutely do not care what you wear. Compared to Swarthmore, it's probably of equal strength academically but reputedly Oberlin is less of a pressure cooker than Swarthmore. </p>

<p>Check out the Math departments in each place to be sure they'd satisfy, but I think either of those schools would be very accepting of him AS HE IS RIGHT NOW, and he will inevitably develop there so he'll be a different man in 4 years.</p>

<p>Do not worry. Every kid has an arc or a journey. Yours is very high achieving and without your saying so, I'm imagining he's also rather kind, ethical and responsible. Try reading some of the other threads where kids are social hounds but mucking up academically or disrespecting their families and count your blessings. They, too, have an "arc" that has to occur but wouldn't you rather have your kid than theirs? ;) </p>

<p>I am sure others will protest my strong emphasis on LAC's, and I've never actually sent my kids to a large university (youngest is now in a medium sized one, but he had social skills early on, and is thriving there). So I don't really know what happens to the brilliant introvert at a larger uni...but I do know these LAC's (Amherst, Oberlin) were GREAT for my two kids.</p>

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<p>My3Girls - Agreed! The last think I want to do is tell a kid that he is wrong for being who he is. I was very introverted for a long time - watching and observing. Now those silly cheerleaders and student body presidents report to me. Bwaahahaha! Kind-of-kidding, but he is who he is, and he is wonderful. In many respects, if a school can't see behind the "quiet", I'm not sure it is the right school for him. GR</p>

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<p>Wow, I'm overwhelmed by the thoughtfullness of all these wonderful replies! And a lot less nervous (which will probably make him less nervous - or at least less irritated). You guys are great!</p>

<p>In addition to practice, I think I'm going to suggest to him that he pretend this is another meeting of the Nerd Club and to wrap himself in his Nerd Master persona (strong, funny, creative). That, or I'll buy him a pair of bowling shoes (ref. season premier of the Simpsons).</p>

<p>We'll keep looking for a small LAC. He really wants to dual major in Art/Animation & Math, and it seems that those dual programs are mostly in the larger schools. He's a shoe-in for the University of Texas, but no program that interests him. Which is actually fine, we right next to UT and there is WAY to much partying going on. </p>

<p>Geeks of the world, unite!</p>

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<p>It's only America that has that high percentage of extroverts btw. The rest of the world is more introverted.</p>

<p>Introversion is one thing, anti-socialism is another. Monosyllabic answers to an interviewer are a big turn-off and should be avoided. My husband, like my father, is a serious introvert who can fake extroversion like nobody's business. That is a brilliant skill for an introvert.</p>

<p>My father's tip for getting through difficult interviews? Ask the interviewer for advice. Consider it a gift of sorts. Everyone loves to be asked for advice.</p>

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<p>cheers- Where's the data to support your "rest of the world" statement- introversion/extroversion is not a cultural trait, it involves intrinsic ways of dealing with life, those genetic traits came frome the old world... I bet your husband needs his down time after socializing, whereas an extrovert would be energized by it.</p>

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<p>Our s was not accustomed to talking about himself. We suggested to our s that colleges wanted to know that
1) He wasn't likely to get drunk and break windows on Friday nights 2) that he's truly interested in that college and would actually bring something positive to the campus mix. We reminded him that some interviewers are very skilled, others less so. The skilled interviewers would not ask the yes/no questions. But all interviewers wanted to understand what made him different from the other applicants. Then we role-played with him, his dad and I giving sample answers to off the wall questions. What's difficult for many students to realize is that the questions don't really matter (that's why a simple yes or no won't do) what matters is showing the interviewer the person who's behind the application. He GOT IT after he wrapped his head around why he was meeting.</p>

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<p>RPI, Reed, Harvey Mudd, Carleton, Grinnell, MIT, Caltech, WPI as a safety...</p>

<p>Useless anecdotal datapoint: the kid who had lower grades and fewer extracurriculars but displayed an obsessive interest in a sport that involves rowing your a** off and who just never "fit" in the brainiac crowd in high school (I believe he was on his own plan of brainiacdom) got into MIT ahead of the kids with better EC's and grades. </p>

<p>You just never know..cast a wide net and he'll find something that sings to him.</p>

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<p>With the combined majors you just mentioned, Art/Animation plus Math, I thought of the Brown U./ Rhode Island School of Design combination in Providence, Rhode Island.</p>

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<p>Reading about the OP's son reminded me of my son who is now a freshman in college. A very quiet kid in most situations but not anti-social. Played on his high school's soccer team, enjoyed marching band, volunteered at our church. Had a best friend in high school rather than a large group of friends. Same monosyllabic responses to people he did not know well. (Talked a lot to me at home though!) He particularly liked his math and science subjects. He applied to several engineering schools and had some nice choices. He ended up choosing RPI and is extremely happy there. He has found many kids there who share his interests and is involved in activities. RPI has a fine Electronic Arts, Media and Communication major along with its many strong engineering programs. My biggest problem now is just getting him to call home or trying to get an e-mail out of him! But he is doing fine and is happy and that is the main thing.</p>

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<p>Don't know what part of the country you are looking at, but I would like to suggest two Ohio colleges--</p>

<p>Case Western Reserve University--small, but full of people like your son. And they give money to NMFs!</p>

<p>OSU--I didn't know until this summer that OSU has a Supercomputer Center with ACCAD (something to do with computer aided animation) center. Many people who now work for Disney & Pixar went to OSU.</p>

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<p>Now that I understand Doubleplay's advice to be a way of combating performance anxiety, not a judgment on a whole way of being in the world, I can see where it could be helpful. </p>

<p>GeeksRule, my D has been looking for a similar kind of art/digital media/math combination. You've been given a good list of all the usual suspects. My D also wanted to look at LACs and we found that it really took looking into what classes were offered in the Computer Science, Math, Art, and Communications/Media/Film departments. While they may not have an identified major, some seemed to have enough courses to put together a course of study that would work.</p>

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<p>I know of someone who combined art and computer science at McGill.</p>