<p>The stakes are too high to put all this solely on the shoulders of a 17 year old kid, who is already completely maxed out trying to keep up with test scores, gpa, ec’s, community service, etc., etc., etc. Plus, this is clerical work, not some noble enterprise that is going to teach the kids ethics and leadership for the future.</p>
<p>I tracked all the college deadlines and paperwork stuff for my son. Yes, whenever possible I made sure HE contacted the teachers and guidance counselors. But I was handing him the papers on the way out the door and reminding him who to talk to, and when necessary I talked to the counselor. </p>
<p>HE did the schoolwork, the essays, the classes, the EC’s, the community service, the leadership activities, the test scores, the gpa, the college selection.</p>
<p>I cleared the runway, put the gas in the plane, and tossed him the keys. He flew.</p>
<p>Jumping into this discussion late, after ED deadline has come and gone. However, last year, my D applied ED to her “dream reach school” and one of her two chosen teachers uploaded the rec to the reach school only, but not to any of the other schools on D’s list. (The other teacher’s rec uploaded to all her apps on the Common App at the same time). School was using Naviance for the first time last year to interface uploading materials to the Common App. D got her ED app in on time; then, while waiting for the ED answer, the “early apply for early notification” deadline was looming any day now for two of D’s “match/safety” schools, and still the one teacher’s rec had not yet been uploaded to the common app. Like the OP, this heli-parent jumped the gun and sent an e-mail to the teacher and the GC, innocently asking if there was some glitch in the system that explained why the teacher’s rec wasn’t on the common app for all of D’s schools yet. Turns out, this teacher believed so much in D (top student with top test scores in her class) that she thought she was a slam-dunk to get into her reach school, and therefore she decided not to send recs to her other schools! Just to illustrate that school staff are humans, and sometimes do things for their own reasons which have nothing to do with being busy or indifferent. This was an instance where D did absolutely everything right, and she felt, like the OP, that it would be “pushy” to ask the teacher about why the rec wasn’t there on all her apps. We never would have found out the teacher’s positive motive (albeit uninformed about D’s realistic chances of acceptance at reach school) for the “glitch” in her apps without my “innocent” e-mail. (End of story: D was not accepted to reach school - lesson learned for teacher about selective admissions - but was accepted to all match/safeties thanks in part to teacher’s great confidence in D!)</p>
<p>Actually I really don’t believe this teacher made up an excuse - she was (is) a kind, thoughtful person who put her all into supporting her students, both in and out of the classroom. Interesting that (a few) other people’s first assumption on hearing this story was that the teacher is a liar. I never ever had that thought about this teacher - she is an awesome lady, period. People of all stripes - teachers, gcs, parents, students - make honest mistakes in this process. Perhaps, when school staff get frustrated with parents who “helicopter”, perhaps the ones that they find the most frustrating are the ones who have negative attitudes towards school personnel? A little bit of decency and politeness goes a long way in forging good relationships with your child’s school personnel - it worked for me!</p>
<p>Deciding whether parental intervention is effective in these situations is also dependent on a given High School’s institutional culture and the personalities of the individual GCs. </p>
<p>My high school’s GC to student ratio was similar…maybe slightly worse than your D2’s school. The prevailing institutional culture at the time I attended in the early-mid '90s definitely leaned more towards the “it’s the student’s job” school. However, attitudes of the GCs themselves ran the gamut from welcoming parental input to regarding any parental calls as “undue parental coddling of someone who was about to be/is a young adult”. </p>
<p>My GC was more on the latter…though still more reasonable than the most extreme examples. </p>
<p>Calling up the GC who is of the latter school of thought on this is not only going to be ineffective, it can backfire spectacularly. This is not only in the context of risking good GC/teacher recommendations…it can also hurt potential applicants if the alumni interviewer of a given school was also a HS alum who has good relations with the GC staff. </p>
<p>One older HS classmate who is an alumni interviewer at an Ivy recounted how he recommended one recently graduated senior be rejected for consideration despite highly competitive stats because he felt the applicant was too immature/lacked initiative based on the interview and had it confirmed by the GCs when they recounted how his parents were the ones always calling in/checking on college app process while the student in question never bothered to even make a personal follow-up appointment beyond the initial mandatory meeting.</p>
<p>My son graduated high school last year. I had a similar problem with counselors etc…, My sister-in-law who is a middle school principal broke it all down for me in very simple terms.</p>
<p>Of course initially your child needs to follow up on the request. If he/she gets no response, it is the parent’s responsibility to step in. </p>
<p>The teachers and counselors already have their degrees! It is our responsibility as parents to make sure our child gets into college. </p>
<p>People can say what they want, when I see my child walk across the stage with his college diploma, my work is done!</p>