Hello Everyone, this is my first post, although I’ve read the forums off and on over the past couple of years. My oldest daughter is starting high school this fall. Was wondering if any experienced parents could provide any tips or advice for things she (and I) should start doing in 9th grade. Things were a lot different when I was in college in the early 90s! Hoping to learn some tips from those who have been through it. What do you wish you had known before? Thanks!
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Let your ninth grader be a ninth grader. Let her seek activities she enjoys to do. If you are asking for things she should do to become a college applicant…my opinion is…she should do the things she enjoys. Take a strong courseload and get great grades. Enjoy her friends.
The only thing I strongly suggest…start a word document and keep track of her activities starting…in 9th grade. What she did, and approximately how much time she spent doing whatever.
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Don’t bring up colleges freshman year. Even sophomore year.
Come up with class schedules that challenge but don’t overwhelm. Be honest with expectations.
Look for summer programs or shadowing to find what she likes…and doesn’t like. Fun is key.
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Their childhood is so short. Let her be a child. I strongly suggest letting her do nothing in her summer after freshman year, if that’s what she wants to do. Your child is going to be who she is.
I thought selective college admission was insanely competitive back in 2014, when I first came here. Well, in the words of Al Jolson (sort of): you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.
I could qualify that in a lengthy essay, but instead, I’ll just advise you for now that your number one priority is to ensure your daughter has a balanced college list based on reality. And the most important school on the list must be a safety or two.
Don’t talk about Stanford and MIT. Don’t make your first college trip Cambridge, Mass. Don’t suggest to her that she needs to do stuff for the sake of getting into a top college.
Always keep the focus on what is actually possible. Anything else is icing on the cake. The goal is college, not a name.
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As parents…please start thinking about what you actually can pay per month (over a whole year) for college. If you think you can spend $24,000 a year, start banking $2000 a month now and see if that’s sustainable. And how long is it sustainable?
Your student will need to know your college budget.
We looked at colleges sometimes as part of a family vacation. If we saw an interesting college campus, we would drive through. Or park and walk around. Very informal…no tours or info sessions. Just a look see.
The only thing I wish I had known…we took our kid to see a gorgeous expensive private university on a gorgeous spring day…and of course she loved it. We were able to support this…so it wasn’t an issue. But I sort of wish we had taken her to see some less costly and selective and nice schools first. I doubt it would have changed the outcome.
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A parent looking at college for a kid should do the financial planning needed to determine what will be an affordable price to pay. Most traditional college students’ college choices are limited by parental financial limits, with their own achievements mattering only within those financial constraints.
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Encourage her to read.
Newspapers, magazines, novels, back of the cereal box. There is no single strength more important to loving HS (and doing well) than being a strong reader!
The math folks on here will disagree with me. I raised math kids- and they all loved to read (still do…) and it made everything that comes in HS and college and the working world MUCH easier!
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Agree with above about reading. My math kid loves to read also.
Self advocate. Start now. Even small things like ordering and picking up the pizza. Talking to teachers for help. Start them doing basic laundry. Teach to cook basic things so helping in the kitchen.
Open up a credit card account that you are on with bank account if you didn’t do it already. Have them sit with the banker to learn how to establish credit. Can do it his like Junior year. Both of my kids never ever needed cosigners for apartments or anything and both graduated the last few years with credit ratings over 820.
Have them pick Ecs that they enjoy doing not to look good on a transcript.
Let them fail. Then help them learn how to succeed.
Unless there are no known issues I like the idea of doing a practice Sat /Act but not for what you might be thinking. We did it in 9th grade ourselves not through the school and picked up some things to work on. It was very obvious for one of my kids. We got the help and quickly turned it around.
Also… Let them be a kid. No one is curing cancer in 9th grade.
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I had mostly math kids too, who did not get my love of reading (although one did but never had enough free time to read books). The one who took the AP English route is a much better writer than her siblings. One suggestion I have is that if she starts feeling strongly about a college major/future career, make sure she takes appropriate classes so that the classes in college aren’t so difficult. I know a good gpa is super important, but it’s not the finish line.
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There should be an activities fair, either soon for rising 9th graders, or right at the beginning of the year for everyone, or both. Make sure she goes – not to load up her schedule with club memberships but to see what’s out there and try a few that seem interesting. High school is a time to find something that drives you (not for college applications, but for your own personal fulfillment), and 9th grade is a time to explore possibilities. Community service activities outside of school also offer valuable chances to explore areas that might become important to her. Again, I’m not suggesting over-scheduling or checking college admissions boxes – just suggesting how to find areas of interest that are meaningful and fulfilling, and that can connect her with like-minded people. By sometime in 10th grade, she’ll probably settle on a few of those interests/activities and can really start exploring them and developing her passions.
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Thank you so much everyone! This is all so helpful. I definitely don’t want to put a lot of pressure on her this year. Trying to find the balance of encouraging hard work and challenging herself while not putting unnecessary pressure. Really a lot of great ideas and feedback-thank you!
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What I have observed to be useful things to do:
have a set of personal goals (and plans to reach them), such as cooking and cleaning for self, advocating for self, getting a job, managing own budget, managing own schedule, having several true friends, driving, etc.;
get involved in classes and clubs with mixed grade levels - sports, band, orchestra, speech, etc.;
identify a few students in each grade ahead who are similar to her and observe how they navigate high school;
get involved in regular activities interacting with students from other high schools;
read books, listen to ted talks, subscribe to podcasts of various perspectives, think why they say what they say.
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Have her check the required courses and get those out of the way early (such as Fin Ed). This way, her schedule will be freed up in the higher grades when Honors and AP Classes are offered.
If anything, if she has strong interests/talents in some areas (let say, history, arts, music), then check if the school has certain entry requirement to qualify for AP classes in those subjects (e.g., needing a regular music theory class, before allowed AP Music Theory).
Again, always assuming SHE is interested, then taking those pre-requisites early might allow her into the AP class earlier, again giving her more choices/scheduling flexibility for the other, more challenging “core subject” AP classes in Junior/Senior year.
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I agree with what the others are saying about let her be a kid and follow her interests.
I do think walking around on college campuses and even taking an official tour at our local college was important for my kid to get an idea of what a college was like. It wasn’t pressure for her, but just a new way to look at it. You could also take her to an event at a college close to you like a sports game or a play, etc.
Another thing I was really glad we did was a summer sleep away camp on a college campus. She did a writing camp since that is an interest of hers but they have them in pretty much all subjects and sports. I think it really helped my D22 get an idea of what life at college might be like since she stayed in the dorms and ate in the cafeteria. I would definitely highly encourage this. It was super helpful to my D22 because we never did sleep away camp and while she is really independent it just helped to have that wee bit of experience on a college campus under her belt when she started seriously thinking about things.
She also had a summer job starting the summer before senior year and that was helpful too.
Mainly I would say encourage her to explore anything you think she might be interested in as well as things she thinks she might be interested in. Sometimes kids just don’t know what all is out there so you might need to make a few suggestions to point her in a direction you think she’d really like. I would not worry too much about being well rounded, but just let her dive deep into the things she really likes.
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Keep options open when you schedule. It’s lousy to get to junior year and realize that because of how you chose your science classes, you can’t do what you’d like.
Keep a journal. It can be in note form - it doesn’t have to be elaborate. In it, make notes on why you are making choices-- of classes, ECs, etc. Update it with how you feel about it later. This can be very helpful in working out who you are, making choices each subsequent year, and in having good material for college essays. It’s okay to choose a class to preserve an option for more advanced classes later on, because friends are taking it, because you’re curious, or because it’s required…
Do your best in what you choose to do.
These are 4 really important years of development. Don’t treat them as an extended college admissions exercise. There is a college for every kind of kid and interest. Every year, there are kids who come here disappointed because they feel like they “did high school” in a particular way in order to get into a certain type of college and they weren’t admitted. If you do high school in an intentional way that is authentic to you, you will know what you want from college and be engaged to get it – anywhere.
As a parent, leave college discussions for junior year. It’s okay for you to understand the lay of the land and critical for you to understand what will be affordable, but let your kid be present for high school. There are enough other issues to navigate through this time – be there for your kid on those!
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