Advice for Stressed Out Parents and High School Students

As a second-semester senior science major who’s about to graduate college with a 3.9 GPA. I feel like so many people put too much weight on taking as many AP or IB courses as possible, doing every extracurricular under the sun, getting X honor, etc. Yes, it is important that you challenge yourself and do well in your classes so that you can prepare yourself for college-level coursework. HOWEVER, keep in mind that these things will only prepare you for college so much. So, do not overburden yourself (or your child) just to get into X college or to have a certain class rank. It’s not worth it, and quite frankly no one will care about it once you go to college.

Right now, your focus should be challenging yourself to the best of your ability, taking classes (especially APs) that you actually enjoy (but not too many), and taking your time to study for the SAT or the ACT. Do not rush this process. For certain people, it’s better to move at a slower pace so that you can really master the material rather than speed through everything and learn nothing. Speed does not equate to intelligence or ability.

Also, Keep in mind that it’s not the end of the world if you or your child doesn’t get into Harvard or Yale. This may sound harsh for some people, but in the real world, where you go to school doesn’t matter as much as your experiences and your connections. This is especially the case in college. As long as you or your child goes to a decent school that realistically suits you/them the best, the world will be yours.

Take it from someone who didn’t go to a top 20 school, but as someone who went to an excellent (but not ranked at the very top) women’s college: I certainly wouldn’t have gotten the opportunities that I received if I had gone anywhere else. Not to mention that my intellectual growth expanded tremendously because of the small class sizes and the supportive environment. Now, I’m on the way to applying to medical school (something that I didn’t think I was capable of before).

Basically, don’t pressure yourself or your child so much over college admissions. In the long run, what matters the most is their experiences, their intellectual interests, and exploration. Search for schools that will provide each of those things, and not necessarily just the top tier schools. Not everyone can be comfortable in an environment like that, as it is very cut-throat (my cousin went to two Ivies throughout college and law school; I definitely wouldn’t have survived there not because of the academics, but because of the absurd level of competition between peers).

Note: towns that offer a lot of internship and research opportunities (such as New York City, LA, Atlanta, etc.) will generally be more beneficial to you or your child than if you go to a school in the middle of nowhere. Those schools tend to have more connections with corporations, government agencies, other top universities, etc. Like I said (and I can’t stress this enough), experiences, connections, and the fit of the school matter most above anything else.

Last piece of advice: don’t do extracurriculars or volunteer opportunities to “pad your résumé”. You do them because you genuinely want to do them. Otherwise, your work is best utilized elsewhere. If you aren’t interested in volunteering at a certain place or working in a certain area, then why do it?

Also, note that “leadership” can be defined multiple ways, and is not always exhibited by having a formal position. “Leadership” isn’t always the typical extroverted “getting to the top of the hierarchy” type of leader that most people in America associate with leadership. Think outside the box.

Please feel free to post questions in this thread (especially if you’re a high school student).