Advice on short response for application.

College Essays
1

<p>Hello!</p>

<p>First off, I'm sure I have terrible grammar. Which is why I'm looking for help/advice here. If anybody could help me with editing/give me opinions on this short response, that'd be great. </p>

<p>Thanks in advance.</p>

<p>The prompt is:</p>

<p>Describe an experience of cultural difference, positive or negative, you have had or observed. What did you learn from it?</p>

<p>My response is: </p>

<p>One of the greatest things about America is its cultural diversity. When I was in middle school, I met an amazing friend. Her name is Isheeta. Her family moved to America from India when she was five. Since she was so young, she doesn’t remember much about her early life in India and adjusted easily to American culture. Isheeta’s parents on the other hand, had a harder time fitting into what they perceived as typical “American culture”. Instead of taking on all the traditions of American families, Isheeta’s parents stayed true to what they knew. Every time that I was invited over to her house I experienced a different way of life. These experiences have shaped my outlook not only on different cultures, but life as well. </p>

<p>Growing up in a mainly American household has had its advantages and disadvantages. I’m very grateful to know every detail of football, but I wish there was more tradition. In Isheeta’s family for example, every Friday night they would have friends and family over for a traditional meal. The meal turned party would last until the early parts of the morning and sometimes the police were even called for noise complaints! My family on the other hand, we ate dinner on Friday nights, than went off to separate parts of the house to do our own thing. On the last day of middle school, Isheeta invited my family over to her house for one of their parties. We had a blast and realized we didn’t want to keep on with our Friday night “tradition”. Instead, we started having the same dinner parties on Friday nights. Each night we would have a different theme whether it was disco or the 80’s. While this cultural experience may seem small to some, it changed my life entirely. I learned many things from Isheeta over the years of our friendship, most of them being how to do math problems, but the most important to me was how to connect with family. I think a lot of us forget how important family is, even if they drive us crazy. I look forward to attending a school with so much diversity to continue enriching my life.</p>

2

<p>It seems like you just pick your one ethnic friend Isheeta and her family to talk about. There isn’t anything of substance or importance here. It only connects to the prompt because she is indian.</p>

3

<p>I agree with bomerr. Pick something that’s a true experience. Everyone has friends of different ethnicities (like you say in your first sentence, America is diverse) so what’s unique about your answer against all the other people that will respond like this?</p>