Advice on studying abroad w/o parents’ approval

Hey guys,

I’m a 21 year old Spanish major and I’ve decided to finish my major by studying abroad in Spain. I’ve already been accepted to my program & it starts next semester. My financial aid is going toward the cost of the program & I won a scholarship from my University’s language department. I’m waiting to hear back from 4 other scholarships. Although a lot of great things related to study abroad are happening, my parents refuse to accept that I’m going to Spain for a semester. This is really discouraging, because I’ll be away from them & their support would be appreciated. However, every single time I bring up studying abroad they overwhelm me with questions & try to make me doubt my desire to go. For those that have gone through this, how was your situation with your parents resolved? Even if you haven’t experienced this, what advice could you give to me to resolve this issue? Thank you!

They may be overwhelming you with questions because they want to make sure you are organized and will be safe. If I were them, I’d have a million questions, too. Housing, health insurance, visas, class signup, will classes transfer, will you graduate on time, cell phones & internet access, how/what will you eat, roommate situations, travel plans, possible extra expenses — those are just a start. Maybe some of these are covered if you are going with a program, and you can go over those materials with them. If not, you should be sure you have a plan, and go over that as well.

Thanks for responding! I’m sure all the things you mentioned concerns them, but they shrug it off when I try to talk to them about it.

When you say “w/o approval”, have they said flat out ‘do not go’, or are they just being generally resistant? If it is the latter, how does this fit with what you know about them? Have they travelled? Are they usually resistant to change / doing new things? Do they suspect that you really are going for X (insert reason- eg, gf/bf is involved, etc) rather than a real academic reason? Are you expecting any extra money from them (say, if the extra scholarships don’t work out)?

A lot of people find the idea of going overseas either overwhelming or incomprehensible as an idea. Some don’t trust that you actually do any academic work on a study abroad (though as a Spanish major, going to Spain is not a stretch!).

Are they saying you can’t go? Or just seem nervous? That’s two very different perspectives to deal with. My husband and I who are from rural Maine and have lived in a very safe part of Asia where our daughter also grew up were very nervous about her spending the summer in NYC where she got an internship late summer. We were nervous but she still did it and thrived. We would never have stopped her from having the opportunity that she earned. Maybe your parents feel the same.

Congrats on the scholarships and on what sounds like a solid plan. Some schools even require a semester abroad for a foreign language major, so it’s not like this is a radical thing to do. Still, there are plenty of reasons for parents to be nervous, speaking as a parent with a student going abroad next semester as well. (Although, to be fair, I think parents in other countries have at least as much to fear when their kids study abroad in the US, sometimes more so!)

One thing that has helped our family is using shared Google Docs and Sheets for keeping track of the many aspects of the planning. I’m sure you’re keeping track of a lot of stuff as you plan for your departure… how about putting it all into a well-organized, shareable document and making it available to your parents, perhaps on a “can comment” basis so that they can ask questions or make suggestions, but not change/edit your content? This way, they can see how well you’ve thought things through and planned things out, without having to get their information through a real-time conversation where they’ll be reacting in the moment. Plus, they can then limit their questions to the those you haven’t already covered, which hopefully would stress you out less.

They might well be impressed and reassured when they see how well-planned your upcoming semester really is, and how interesting your studies there will be. Their apprehensiveness is understandable, but you’re 21 and the support you’re receiving from your school suggests that you’re well prepared for this. Maybe there’s also someone in the study abroad office at your school who might be willing to be available to speak with your parents if they need further reassurance?

On a lighter note, there’s always the time-honored negotiation strategy of starting with something worse so they’ll be happy with what it really is. “Okay, Mom and Dad, you talked me out of the War Zone Correspondent Internship - how 'bout if I just go to Spain?”