<p>I've been scouring the internet looking for an outlet for college students that have moved back home... as many people call us, we are the "Boomerang" generation. With the expenses of living on your own, especially housing costs, going up, it leaves us freshly graduated young adults to move back home. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), this is all I have.</p>
<p>My question is, for those parents, how should your graduate adjust to the life of moving back home, and how have you accommodated your graduate in doing so? Below, I outline my dilemma, and if you can help with that, I would greatly appreciate it. All feedback is welcome.</p>
<p>From my own experience, I have had the worst time. I landed my first full-time job a month before my college graduation, and started working immediately. I have 1 sister (20yo), and two brothers (18 and 16) that live at home as well, and for the most part, I feel that I've been taking on the role of pseudo-parent. I feel that my parents depend on me to do all the things they would do while I was gone in order to "help them out". I don't mind helping, but when I have to get up at 6am to take my brother to school (with traffic in LA it's about an hour drive) when I dont have to be at work until 830am, and THEN to work til 5 and go to my night class from 6:30pm-10pm (which I'm taking to help my mom in her home business), it just seems like so much. My weekends are dedicated to getting everything in my room in order, doing chores, and getting ready for the next workweek. Not to mention being the driver and scheduling my activities around my siblings' activities. My sister drives, my brothers don't. We have three cars. My dad takes the car to work on the weekends, and my mom does too. Leaving me with the last car and the driving.</p>
<p>I also pay all of my own bills, buy my own food, and pay rent. It's kind of like being financially independent without having the home, if that makes sense.</p>
<p>I'm just so stressed and I need an outlet. I feel my work performance has suffered as well--I'm just so tired after everything. Thanks for all your advice and input--in advance.</p>
<p>If you don't like it, move out. When you are living in your family's home, you are part of the family, not a boarder or tenant. That means you help out when asked.</p>
<p>The OP is also paying rent and is financially independent. While helping out certainly is essential, there's no reason to place the entire burden on the OP when the family clearly managed while she/he was at school. Especially since the OP is willing to do these things. If anything, Csporian's parents seem to be taking advantage of her/his presence, even at the detriment to her/his professional endeavors. Being a part of the family and helping out when needed is one thing, but running oneself into the ground to the point of exhaustion is another.</p>
<p>Also, I suspect that it will take considerably longer for the OP to become successful enough to move out if he or she continues at this pace.</p>
<p>I guess at this point, I do feel like a boarder or a tenant. That's how I've been treated, except for the part about my being "part of the family" thrown back at me.</p>
<p>One moment it'll be "hey you need to pay this bill.. we don't have money can you buy us groceries" and then the next it'll be "you should help us take your brother to school because we're tired". I don't mind helping. I'm all for helping. I am part of the family, and that's why I do it. But I am not treated as part of the family. Does that make sense?</p>
<p>Also, I come from a traditional Asian household, where moving out occurs "when it's time to get married". I don't plan on getting married anytime soon.</p>
<p>Time for a reality check with your parents. Their expectations are unreasonable.</p>
<p>I have two grown kids, and both have "boomeranged" at least once in their years since college. While they lived with me, they helped out in many ways -- making a meal OR cleaning up afterward, walking/training our new dog, tutoring the younger sibs occasionally. If they had the money, they contributed to family expenses; if not, then not. This is a family. We all do our best.</p>
<p>Sounds like you're doing more than your best. If your parents won't adjust, you should consider moving in with friends.</p>
<p>cp - Kinda gives you a new perspective on what your parents' lives must have been like raising four children, doesn't it? Still, though I'm laughing inside I am sympathetic to your situation. Stick with it a few more months, then decide how you want to move forward with your life. JMHO.</p>
<p>At some point in the U.S., every adult -- no matter what their parents' culture is -- has to decide that it's time to take charge of their life, which usually means doing some things differently than their families have done.</p>
<p>For some, this happens when they choose a major that their parents don't like or go into a different line of biz than what their parents are in. For others, it happens after they get married, and then decide which holidays to celebrate with their families. For some, it happens when they decide to have their own apartment.</p>
<p>Anyway, this can be a turning point time for you -- if you choose. Yes, it's difficult to do, and despite being tactful and gentle, your parents probably will not take this as easily as you like. However, going through these kind of things is what it means to be an adult. Much as we love our parents, unless we're willing to sacrifice all of our desires, we can't live exactly the lives they'd choose for us.</p>
<p>It sounds like you don't want to live at home. If you have the means, then why not simply move out? You'll need to determine if you truly have the means. Although you say you're paying all of your own bills, does it equate to what it would really cost for you to live on your own or with a roommate? Many people move back home for financial reasons. Get out a paper, pencil, and calculator and figure it out - rent, electricity, water, cell phone, internet access, food, clothing, car, auto insurance, spending money, safety savings, etc. Can you swing it? It's not easy starting out in the LA area with its high housing prices. </p>
<p>If you can truly swing it, consider moving out. If not, realize that you may not 'truly' be paying your own way. As long as you're at home, you'll likely be considered a member of the family regardless of whether you're paying rent. Along with it may come the baggage of being requested to do chores (including driving siblings), being told what you can and can't do, being required to inform your parents of your comings and goings, etc. For many, once they've lived on their own (even in a college dorm) for a while, they have a tough time moving back into the family home situation. </p>
<p>I don't think you should expect your family will change much in their considering you the child who came back home verus the fully self-supporting adult so as long as you're there, you'll have to put with it although you could discuss the sibling commute situation. Just consider the chores, including the sibling commute, as a part time job to allow you to live there. Once you do the math and realize you might be getting a good deal, try to be happy with your decision until you're ready to make the plunge and move out on your own.</p>
<p>It seems to me that you are faced with two possible paths here: one is the dutiful adult daughter of a traditional Asian family path and the other is the independent path. Your parents are happy to have another adult in the family to help with the younger siblings and to contribute financially. They probably expect you to stay on this path till you get married, as you said. The longer you stay in this mode, the harder it will be to get out of it because they will become more and more dependent on your help. You said you are taking this evening class in order to help your mom with her business--this is going to make you even more essential to the nuclear family.</p>
<p>Are we sure that the parents of OP really want him at home? Perhaps they are treating him this way so that he won't linger but will work hard to find his own arrangements?</p>
<p>After all, at some point we parents want to retire, not deal with the Boomerang Generation coming back home and staying forever...</p>
<p>Perhaps you may want to check out a video of the movie "Dim Sum". The story is about a chinese adult daughter living at home with her mother. Perhaps watching it may make you fell better. It is a wonderful movie that came out about 15 years ago.</p>