<p>I never thought I would use college confidential for this...
As cc'ers and cc parents, I am sure that your views and perspectives on social lives and such are a bit different from than that of "pop culture" (i.e. not like Regina George's mother in Mean Girls.) With that being said, I think it also might be fair to say that there are certain cc'ers/cc parents who acknowledge the existence of a "tiger mother" either in their lives or within themselves (depend on POV of course.) I apologize in advance if my assumptions are excruciatingly wrong, but to be honest that is not really the concern of this post. I am wondering about the opinion on a social activity of parents who are more inclined to be an active part of their child's high school life based on the fact they have a CC account. Taking that into consideration...
I am not sure what tradition is for prom/after prom in other schools, but in my own school, groups of seniors rent beach houses in Newport from Sunday of Memorial Day Weekend (Saturday is prom) to Tuesday afternoon, coming back that evening. Let's say cost and transportation really aren't the issue here. What are your views, as parents, about allowing your daughter or son, three weeks before graduation, to spend a weekend away with about 10 other friends, including those of the opposite gender, at a beach house?</p>
<p>This isn’t the norm in my area but, unless there were at least one set of parents present and it was a group of kids that I knew very well (and trusted), my answer would be no on the grounds that too many things can go wrong and too many kids die because their friends don’t know what to do or are afraid to get in trouble. I would probably volunteer to stay at the house though.</p>
<p>Your replies are, of course, going to be extremely varied. The kids’ expectations and behaviors are an extension of what’s been allowed since they’ve been growing up. </p>
<p>On a more practical basis: anything that would go wrong could squarely fall onto the parents who would allow this action for minors.</p>
<p>For my house, my kids would never even dream of asking this. Newport? Rich kids alone? Sorry. No go.</p>
<p>Your polling the CC world won’t get you anything substantial, I think. You’ll get some replies like mine and then some counter to that. I don’t know what you plan to do with that information however. Posting a query on CC seems like a poor remedy unless you’re looking for confirming opinions (which you may receive).</p>
<p>Views tend to soften over time. Before your student has gone away to school you tend to hold the reins tighter. Once they’ve been away at school you get used to them making their own decisions. You realize looking back that some things would have been okay. I have the benefit of two kids in college now and a few years of year-view vision. </p>
<p>Unless there were a parent there that I knew well I wouldn’t do it (even then it would be a big IF). When your student makes mistakes at their university community they are likely to have their hand slapped and be spoken to by their RA. If your student makes a mistake during this weekend they are far more likely to be arrested. This has to be disclosed to their intended university who will possibly rescind their acceptance. Far too much is on the line for these young people to make a stupid mistake at this point.</p>
<p>Why can’t PROM be enough? A wonderful night with maybe a pre-dinner, then a great time dancing and enjoying the music with your classmates of the last four years, and perhaps a little winding down after-party. </p>
<p>Around here the mania seems to start with the tanning and the hair and the nails and proceeds to pregaming … oops I mean the send-off photo opp party, zooms through prom itself because that’s not the important part (???) and off to the all night after party followed by the beach weekend.</p>
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<p>I’ve found that other posters often bring more to the table than I’d hoped for and bring up points that I may not have considered. I think it’s great to have a sounding board where one can choose to read/skip various pieces of advice, and reply at your own leisure, without the normal social repercussions and hassle.</p>
<p>At D1’s school, they had pre-prom parties where parents are invited for drinks and picture taking. Then there were post prom parties hosted by some sucker parents ( 
). D1 had a group of friends (16) she hung out with, and the parents took turns over 2 years (junior and senior proms) to host those parties. Post prom parties D1 went to were heavily chaperoned. They were co-ed sleep overs. D1 did ask if she could go down to the beach with her friends for few days, and I said no.</p>
<p>My kids school has a post prom party at a local sports facility, they have games, rock climbing walls, music, food - a fun after party for the kids.</p>
<p>I guess I’ve seen too many bad things happen to otherwise good kids and this is just asking for trouble that you may not even anticipate. This isn’t just one night, but days. Remember, they aren’t in college yet, they are still kids. Having no adults around in a place far from home - forget it.</p>
<p>This would be a non-starter in our house. We eventually caved by senior year on the co-ed sleepover but only because parents were going to be there and promised that the kids would be in a public room in the house and supervised and otherwise our D faced a rather long drive home by herself late at night (or, rather, early in the morning). But non-supervised hangout over the course of several days? No way! My D would have argued that it would be “fine” because she was going to be doing those kinds of things at college in a few months anyway, but I don’t see any need to let the total freedom creep into senior year of high school.</p>
<p>In our town, and in many east coast locations, this is the norm. Kids go to the beach and rent houses for a long weekend. The planning and group formation starts in the fall of senior year. My oldest did not participate and my second only went for part of the weekend. It is very easy to say you would never allow this if this is not what kids in your town do. It is much harder to say no when faced with the fact that most kids, including the most well behaved, never in trouble, going to the best college crowd, are participating. </p>
<p>The beach house situations vary, although most kids go to a somewhat seedy beach town in very large groups. Some even have security guards. Others may use a family home with a few trusted friends. For most parents, the bottom line is that the kids are adults (over 18) and will be going off to college in a few short months where there will be many chances to make bad decisions. Most parents talk about responsible behavior and don’t sleep until their child returns. Most kids have fun, avoid trouble, and find out it is not as fun as they thought it was going to be.</p>
<p>So much depends on your kid and his/her friends. About 1/3 of the Seniors go down to the Jersey shore for the 3 days between prom and graduation rehearsal and then post their ridiculous pictures on FB. My older daughter thought this was a ridiculous trek so she and a bunch of her friends rented two cabins in a state park on a lake and had a blast. I was a bit concerned but I knew my daughter and her friends were much more “sane” than the others at the shore. The Ranger came by twice over the few days but according to my daughter he saw the board games they had brought and relaxed a bit about having them there. (How bad can we be if we’re involved in a serious game of Apples to Apples?) By the time the weekend happened so many kids preferred the cabin in the woods over the motel at the beach they had about 1/3 of the graduating class squeezing into the two cabins.</p>
<p>My younger daughter and a few of her friends have arranged a trip to DisneyWorld for the three days. It turned out to be just slightly more expensive than a trip to the Jersey Shore and much more to her groups liking. I’m still a bit nervous but thrilled they were able to come up with such a great alternative. Now if I can just get up early enough to drive them all to the airport!</p>
<p>I guess the correct answer is to know your kid and his/her friends and that will lead you to the correct solution for your family.</p>
<p>Cross-posted with mom2and and I totally agree that the shore is rarely as much fun as they thought it would be but the cabin was a huge success and I’m assuming Disney will be as well.</p>
<p>Being close to Galveston, the same thing is true here as for OP. Our kids are very capable of handling such a weekend without a parent - hell, they are a few months away from this being a likely outcome of any weekend in college, BUT, since they are still at home, we will have a parent or two either in the house or next door :)</p>
<p>Mom2and…I think I am in your neck of the woods…or at least within a state or so…</p>
<p>This has always been a tradition around these parts, apparently…(I didn’t grow up here)…when D1 came to us with this early in Senior year, we were already prepared; she went, everything was fine, and most of her house had to be back for senior awards early anyway…no harm, no foul…</p>
<p>D2 attended private school; this is not the practice or norm (interesting, I know!)…prom was prom; post-party at a supervised house and over…go figure…</p>
<p>mom2and hit the nail on the head: Most, if not all the kids are no longer minors. And who is to say they won’t get in trouble on any Saturday night during school. Parents often don’t know what their kids are doing when they are out on the Saturday night.</p>
<p>Friends and I stayed in a rental house at the Jersey Shore the weekend after prom, in 1984 . . . we all survived, though I recall something about a small fire on the porch. :o</p>
<p>Kids around here used to go out to the Hamptons after prom . . . the school put a stop to it by scheduling mandatory graduation rehearsal for the morning after prom.</p>
<p>Our school hosts an after prom party. The rules are pretty strict…mostly to keep prom an alcohol free and safe event. After the dance, the kids change clothes and have 30 minutes to check in at the party. If anyone leaves before it is over, their parents are called. (this also releases us from responsibility in case they go somewhere else). </p>
<p>We have live music, cool games…sometimes the inflatable stuff, peddle go carts, etc. They earn points for participation and winning. We have casino games too. The kids wander around and choose which activities they want to do. At the end, we have an auction where they use their points to bid. We usually have over $2000 in prizes.</p>
<p>We’re from the midwest, so do things a little different than the coastal areas. My kids, nor their friends would be allowed to go. A week before graduation, they take a chaperoned Senior Trip.</p>
<p>It’s not that they aren’t trusted…but these kinds of events tend to draw uncharacteristic behaviors sometimes.</p>
<p>The economy put an end to “senior week” here, which mainly involved renting cabins at nearby state parks and getting really drunk. Rich kids go to the Virginia shore, and everybody else stays put. My kids would never have asked to do this, as my answer would have been that if they wanted a week vacation at the beach, they are welcome to pay for it themselves, and the car to get them there. I am still waiting for my own week at the beach! But if money were not an object, I would still say no (acknowledging that if they did have means and cars, they are old enough to go anyway) based on for crying out loud, that seems excessively indulgent. If you have that kind of money, I’d say, how about you do something useful with it.</p>
<p>^^yea, forgot to add that the houses on the shore are usually $200/ kid that they pay for themselves from previous summer earnings…trust me, you wouldn’t want to stay in the houses they rent��blech!</p>
<p>Forgot to say that the class does school related fundraisers like a food stand, selling magazines, etc all through highschool. This is the money that pays for senior trip. Some classes have a lot and others don’t. It’s never more than 3 days. They have to make a plan and present it to the school board for approval.</p>
<p>If they behave poorly or are caught with alcohol, etc…they are immediately sent home at the expense of the parents.</p>
<p>Wow. I must be the most rigid parent on earth! My answer: No. NO! I can see that the post-Prom weekend would mostly be a celebration of the end of the year amongst kids who are getting ready to leave each other. But in many cases it seems like a free ticket to party one’s butt off. It’s not quite like sending seniors away on their own for Spring Break or an unchaperoned Senior Trip, but I’d still be saying no. And the insanity of sending underage kids to a destination known for partying? Alone? I can never understand that. I’m truly not a freakout parent, but the Natalee Holloways of the world (or the kid from Cincinnati who fell off a hotel balcony to his death about five minutes after arriving in Padre Island last year) — I find it incomprehensible that parents allow this. </p>
<p>And the argument that they’re legally adults doesn’t cut it with me. They’re still underage for drinking. They’re still largely immature and sheltered. To me that just means you have a legally adult corpse if a drinking accident/car crash happens. That’s not a comfort to me.</p>