Alright so is this way to excessive for an application essay.

<p>Try going back and taking out extraneous facts that aren’t important to the story. They seem important to you, but think of what you are REALLY trying to say–which I believe is, “My life has really been hard and sad, but I’m a determined person and if you admit me to your school, I’ll be a successful student and an asset to your community.”</p>

<p>How about this version?

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