I was low key looking forward to sleeping in in college being as my earliest class is after 10. I did know, however, that there was a possibility my roommate would have early classes and that I would have to wake up early certain days. Well, my roommate has two early classes but wants to wake up early EVERY DAY. Without telling me, she set the alarm for 7 am even though her first class is at noon. We didn’t turn the lights out until after midnight. I’m sleep deprived as hell. I thought I would get to sleep in this morning. Is it wrong for me to ask her to only set an early alarm on days she has early classes? I mean, she literally just lay in bed for two hours after the alarm went off. Should I just try to go to bed at 10 everyday? Another thing though is that when I asked a couple days ago if we could go to bed at 10 because she had to get up before 7, she said, “10??” as if that was too early and we went to bed later. What should I do?
Ask her to use an alarm that vibrates so it won’t wake you up. Get earphones that cancel noise. It’s not reasonable to tell her she can’t get up when she wants as long as she tries to be quiet while you are still sleeping.
First off, an eye mask and ear plugs are your friend.
I do think it’s worth trying to a have a conversation. Tell your roommate you aren’t getting enough sleep. If you want to go to bed at 10, then you should be able to do that. Roommate can use headphones and desk light to study. You may also ask if she could set a vibration alarm on the days she doesn’t have classes. That might be enough to wake her but let you sleep in.
She legit won’t wake up even with a loud alarm. I have to get out of bed and shake her. I doubt a vibrating alarm would work. Also, even if she’s quiet after an alarm, I can’t go back to sleep. Maybe I’ll get headphones. @suzy100@momofsenior1
I sympathize with your sleep deprivation. There are ways to get more sleep.
She probably uses her time to study not just attend her early class so asking her to only get up for those two classes won’t work–althugh just lying in bed doesn’t sound like studying.
Try getting things to help you sleep such as –
2a) an eye mask
2b) ear plugs
2c) a noise-cancelling machine – the pros use this model and it doesn’t just make electronic noise to cover sounds, it uses air flow to cancel them out. It’s pleasant – the Marpac Dome – worth every penny
Ask her to set up her clothes etc. the night before so that she can –
leave the room quickly and quietly and disturb you as little as possible
put her bed close to the door so that she can slip out quietly
Ask her to set her alarm on vibrate on her phone and place it under her pillow, so that it wakes only her.
If you guys talk through these ways of adapting, you may be able to work this out.
That’s so frustrating, that she’s setting the loud alarm but not getting up. She’s obviously one of those people that drops right back to sleep after being awoken (I am too), but you are not…she probably doesn’t understand that part. If the vibrating alarm doesn’t work, try explaining to her that while you know that she goes right back to sleep after the alarm, you don’t/can’t, so if she could move her alarm closer to the actual time she has to get up, it would really be appreciated. Also, watch out that you’re not taking responsibility for getting her up…that’s a bad precedent to set. Good luck!
You aren’t being unreasonable. I do think that since you and you roommate seem to be able to talk, that coming up with compromises would help. You have a lot of months of living together to go. Being able to comfortably coexist is important and not impossible.
You shouldn’t have to be the one trying to cancel the noise. She needs to take some responsibility. If a vibrating alarm doesn’t do it for her, that’s her big girl issue. Talk. If needed, bring in the RA. Maybe she’s the one who needs headphones, to hear her alarm without disturbing you.
That said, D2’s freshman roommate needed a fire alarm to wake up. It got progressively louder as she didn’t respond. D2 also had a late start and wanted to sleep in (lol. Like to 8am.) They did work this out, are bffs, even past graduation.
Good luck.
Thanks, everyone! I actually got a decent amount of sleep last night. I asked if we could turn the lights out at around 10:20 and she said, “Dude it’s 10. People go to bed late and wake up early. That’s college.” I said, “If you can wake up early, then I can go to bed early.” She’s low-key annoyed with me which I don’t think has happened before, but eh, the lights were out early and things worked out. I’ll still bring up the vibrating alarm though. BTW, the regular alarm woke her up today, thank god.
Lol, maybe she got a better night’s sleep, too.
I would say, if you want lights out at some time, maybe give her more than 20 minutes notice. But glad you spoke up.
@lookingforward I think I’ll do that in the future. I figured since she has a pretty decent desk lamp it wasn’t a big deal to turn off the overhead. I’m cool with just using my desk lamp at night/early morning. But I’ll give her more notice now.
She could buy an electronic vacuum like Roomba and program it to to go off when she needs to wake. It makes enough noise and if it’s under her bed, it will hit the legs of the bed to get her up. Side benefit, it will vacuum your floor too.
I think it is okay to ask for early lights out on occasion.
It is not okayfor her not to wake up even with a loud alarm. I have to get out of bed and shake her.
Ask her what she can do: Say you could be cool with the early alarm if she actually turned it off immediatly. But that you have to get up…its so not cool to wake me up that early. What do you think we can do to change this situation? Can you get a vibrating alarm?"
If that doesn’t work then I would go to my RA and say: “My roommate sets her alarm at 7:00am even when she doesn’t have class. If that was it, I could just go back to sleep. However, she does not wake up and I have to get out of bed and shake her to wake her up. What can you suggest in this situation?”
Ok, one more update. Roommate’s definitely upset with me. Got a silent alarm and suggests I get ear plugs so she doesn’t need to use her lamp at night. Says it doesn’t illuminate everything, so it’s inconvenient/hard for her to be productive. She also said I should get sleeping pills because I have a serious problem if I can’t fall asleep after the alarm. Eh, I can see her being annoyed with not getting to be particularly productive at times because I need more sleep than her/I’m a light sleeper. I just don’t see why I’m a bad roommate for wanting to go to bed early, yet she’s not a bad roommate for wanting to get up early. Any last words of wisdom would be helpful.
You aren’t, she’s the ninny. Focus on where you can get along and make other friends with whom you can room next year.
We often tell kids with your issue that there are plenty of places in a dorm to study, after one roomie goes to sleep, if she needs a space fully lit. It’s its own immaturity to expect to live as one did at home, while in high school, lights on for hours, etc. If she boomed music at midnight, are you supposed to endure? No. On your side, you’re just asking to be able to sleep.
And does your school allow a roommate re-match? Some don’t, some expect you two to resolve this.
@sylab112 She’s the one who said I was a bad roommate. She says I should have gotten earbuds earlier/melatonin gummies and that I wasn’t being proactive so she had to work around my schedule. She on the other hand got a silent alarm which I found out about last night. I honestly thought I was being a decent roommate for being cool with going to bed early because she wants to get up early. I didn’t realize how much she disliked using a desk lamp.
@lookingforward Yeah, roommate change requests will be considered around October 15th I think. Low key thinking I want a single though.
You can bring in an outside resource, like your RA, to help you guys come to agreement on when it’s lights off, etc. You’ve tried to deal with things on your own, and it’s not working - bring in the RA. Draw up a roommate agreement with the RA, where you hash all this out. Sometimes, having an independent third party help you with this stuff can really help.