<p>I need some advice....My S is an incredibly good student....#3 in his class with a GPA well above a 4.0, great ECs, Captain of his sports team, very social and very much of a leader in his class AND he has never touched alcohol or any other illegal substance. I understand and appreciate that all of the above requires hard work and dedication. I promise....I get that! :)</p>
<p>The issue: I want him to get a part-time job. My S has never had a paying job (the past 2 summers he has attended lengthy summer enrichment/educational programs that made it virtually impossible to have a summer job) Preferably, I would like him to start this job now and work through the spring semester, as well as all summer (hopefully increasing his hours significantly). Both me and my husband worked part-time jobs beginning at the age of 16, year-round. Can't say that either one of us liked it at the time, but both of us now realize the many benefits and responsibilities learned.</p>
<p>Our S has been adamently opposed to a part-time job during the school year. He is willingly to get one this summer, although I am worried that if he doesn't get on it now, all the desirable jobs (in his mind) will be taken, leaving him high and dry.</p>
<p>His argument: We have no idea how "lucky" we are to have such a high achieving child that gives us no problems. He tells us that he works so very hard in school in order to free up his time at home so that he can relax a little. He does spend time at home on school work, but he also has significant "free" time.</p>
<p>I'm worried that because we have provided so much for him.....meager spending money, gas money for car (he paid for 1/2 of car by saving birthday money, etc.....for many years); insurance, etc.... He won't have the work ethic that he will need for the future. </p>
<p>He has been accepted to some great schools, been offered substantial merit-aid to some of those schools, and he has set very high goals for what he wants to do in life.</p>
<p>Should I be satisifed with his work ethic because of his high achieving status at school? Am I being too hard on him?</p>
<p>I think it is difficult to work a part-time job during the school year and keep up with schoolwork, especially if the student also has extracurricular activities.</p>
<p>My son, who is now in college, had part-time jobs starting in the middle of his freshman year in high school (his choice). It worked only because 1) he had no extracurricular activities (he considered them Mickey Mouse nonsense); and 2) we strictly limited how much he could work on school nights. </p>
<p>For his first job -- as a library page -- our restriction was no problem, because the kids never worked more than three hours at a stretch. Even if he worked on a school day, which he often did, there was still enough time for him to get his homework done. But with his second, much-better-paying job in a party supply store, it was definitely an issue. There, the kids worked six- to eight-hour shifts. We flatly refused to allow him to work such shifts on school nights, so he only worked Friday, Saturday, or Sunday (usually two of those three days). But he was under constant pressure from his supervisors to take on shifts on other days of the week. And if he had been involved in extracurricular activities on the weekends, the job would have been impossible. As it was, he did not go to any football games or dances his senior year because he was almost always working on Friday nights.</p>
<p>My daughter, who is a senior in an IB program, has never worked except as a volunteer. As with her brother, she made her own choices in this matter. I know that she has missed out on a valuable experience, but it would not have been possible for her to work during the school year and keep up with her schoolwork and extracurricular activities. I think that her choice made sense for her.</p>
<p>I am in a situation similar to your son, and let me tell you how difficult it is to hold a part-time job during the school year when you are also a stellar student. Jobs take advantage of younger people such as ourselves even though we are more intelligent and skilled than most of the managers, so things get out of hand and soon he might be working 6 days a week. Just wait until summer.</p>
<p>I think he should work. I don't even need to tell you why.. you already know.</p>
<p>And if he was my kid and tried pulling the high achieving crap on me, I wouldn't stand for it. If he wants to be treated like an adult, he should start acting like one. (Just my opinion.)</p>
<p>There are always places that need kids. Look around at local businesses and things like that. Many of them aren't as demanding with hours as large chain stores are. Maybe a store needs extra help on Saturdays or something. Maybe there is a shop that needs help doing their inventory on wednesday after school. Try the local library. Maybe somebody needs a dishwasher, or help bussing tables. I really don't know, however the possibilities are endless. I know pretty much all of the kids I went to high school with worked during school doing all sorts of various things. </p>
<p>My little sister works in the shipping department at a factory up the street full time during the summers for about 9/hr and she works as a dishwasher during the weeks friday and saturday nights (4 hrs each).. for about 7/hr + 20/night for helping bus tables. </p>
<p>Nobody is saying he has to work five days a week during the school year, but I'm sure there is somebody somewhere who could use help for one day.</p>
<p>Both of my children have worked full-time during summers since they were 15. Since they both work very hard during the summer, we have not allowed them to get a formal part-time job during the school year so they can concentrate on their school work and other activities. However, my son did odd jobs for neighbors - raking leaves, taking out garbage cans, shoveling snow and my daughter babysits and pet sits. They both made reasonable spending money with these odd jobs, but they fit nicely into their schedules.</p>
<p>well...I had a DD that was similar, though did music instead of sports. We sent her to a music program in the summer, including the final summer before college. (summer programs are integral within the small classical world)
She also had great grades, AP scholar w/distinction yada yada.
I felt that she approached music and school as work and should not cut into that time. she put in far more hours with practice than other kids and needed that "free time" to not burn out. Even if your son seems relaxed, he is a natural high-pressure kid and the free time keeps them sane, imho.
If he must have the cash to go to school, then your son has to find a way to do this. If it's only character building, or I did this and you can too...did you and DH soar to these heights in high school while holding those part time jobs? Were you working while class leader, academic top of class, and athletes?
I didn't know how DD would do with this, but when she hit college she immediately got a workstudy job, added another workstudy job etc. She puts in all the hours they give her and all the hours needed to practice her music-not too many "real" classes at school.
Work ethic from schoolwork, sports, leadership skills transfers over into success, otherwise those Ivy-type schools would look for Wal-mart clerkships rather than ECs.</p>
<p>My husband and I always felt that our kids job during the school year was school and the EC's associated with school. Work in the summer, yes, but not during the school year. Once in college, however, both got campus jobs of 10 hours a week and work again during the summer. It sounds like your son has a great work ethic, doing well at his job of school has paid off with a gpa of over 4.0, etc. </p>
<p>I'm a big believer in volunteering instead of working for high school students and encouraged my kids to do that. It's a little more flexible then a job but has some of the same results.</p>
<p>I worked through high school. I was a stellar student, but had no time for ECs. I had little choice--dad died when I was 14; we needed the money.</p>
<p>Despite my grades and test scores, it hurt me when I applied to colleges.</p>
<p>Your S is a top student, captain of the football team, and participates in many other ECs. How could he be accomplishing all that without a work ethic?</p>
<p>No, you are not being too hard on him but his take on the situation has some truth to it also.</p>
<p>Our son was not a hi achieving as yours but he did have a full schedule of class and ec activities. As a result we did not encourage him to work during the school year but insisted that he do so during the summer, which he did, every summer-ie no "enrichment" programs.</p>
<p>HS students need free time too after getting to school by 8am, leaving at 4:30 pm after practices and then having 2+ hours of homework to complete. Not many adults would "thrive" with such a schedule. I think a schedule such as this is sufficient to establish a work ethic. I would insist on the summer job though and insist that he begin getting applications in to some possible jobs asap.</p>
<p>BTW, our son was offered a paying job in his academic department which he quickly accepted and is earning $80/wk for essentially 4 hours of work-they pay him for 4 hrs prep time which is not normally necessary.</p>
<p>Agree with Kathiep - we've always thought that school and the activities associated with school were our daughters' "jobs". Both have/will graduate #1 in their class, president of groups, played a sport at a state qualifying level, played a musical instrument at a state qualifying level, lots of community service, etc. Older daughter had a part time job in the summers, but younger one has not. Young D will be graduating and she will get a job this summer. But during school, no! Don't know when they would have found time!</p>
<p>We had the same discussion with our son mid senior year. His main concern was that he might miss out on something, because most of his friends didn't have jobs. On the other hand, although he was in all AP and honors classes he rarely opened a book at home because he naturally understood the material, so he had a lot of free time that his friends didn't have. He was very active in several EC's, top 5 in his class, tutored a lot of his friends for free, etc. He wasn't (and still isn't) a big spender, so he had a lot of money saved over the years from babysitting, gifts, etc that he used to pay for gas and entertainment. </p>
<p>He finally accepted his fate :), and applied for a part-time job. After all the worries of his doomed social life, he absolutely loved his job. He took a lot of pride in the fact that he was earning a salary, and he also met several kids that were out of his normal social circle. The place he worked was very flexible in scheduling high school students around their EC's. Also, he soon found out, that although he might arrive a little later than some of his friends for a party occasionally, he wasn't missing out. </p>
<p>It was absolutely a positive experience for him. Of course every kid and every situation is different, so I certainly understand the parents who take a hard stance against it.</p>
<p>I'm in the minority here. My son had a part time job from 15 on. He had over 4.0 gpa when he graduated from high school. He participated in extra curricular activities. It was a matter of scheduling.<br>
My daughter, now a sophmore, has a part time job. She has lots of ecs and also a great gpa. She worked over the summer, became a good employee and then told her boss that during the school year she could work 8 hours on Sundays only. Gives her time during the week to do her homework, gives her time for ecs.<br>
From time to time the DS would start in with the "I don't do drugs like other HS kids...I should get to do what I want." I never bought it.<br>
But I dont' want to sound too harsh here. I think a job is important for exactly the reasons the OP states, but it is important to find the right job. He needs to find one where the boss is willing to give him a schedule that works...</p>
<p>Does he have to have a car? Seriously? My daughter is in a similar position....very rigorous courses, varsity soccer, several hours of ballet each week. She has opted not to drive. It's inconvienent sometimes having to chauffer her.....a bit embarrassing at times to be the one bumming rides but the trade off...time to study for her classes, spend time on applications and scholarships. If she wanted a car of her own, she knew part time work would be a necessity. Trust me......limiting his spending if he has no job is ok. Kids can do with a lot less.</p>
<p>oldin jersey, you make a very good point. Although my H was a very good student, me so-so, nothing like what S is. But, I just can't help but worry because he has no desire to get a job. Heck, I wanted the freedom to have my own spending money to buy whatever I wanted. I just can't relate to not wanting/earning your own money. I do agree with Adad's post as well, he will have the rest of his life to work. I guess I want "my cake and to eat it too", in that S would want to get a job, and H and I said "no, it's enough for you to concentrate on your studies".</p>
<p>Our DD has worked during the summers since freshman year and was asked (by same employers) this fall to fill in for a sick co-worker 10 hours or so/week. With band, college apps and EC's it has led to a very stressful senior year with virtually no down time or socializing time. Like your son, she works hard at everything she does and I deeply regret allowing her to work (outside of school & EC's) during this year.</p>
<p>My son is roughly equivalent to yours. He has had both a regular paying job (about 8 hours/week, more during peak times) and a regular volunteer job (4 hrs every other week) for the past 2 years (3 in the case of the volunteer job, which he used to do every week). He also has had a different full-time job for most of the summer the past two years (and this year, too). He has a pretty full EC roster. So it can be done. My daughter did it, too, working 10 hours/week (and more at peak times, and about 2/3 time during the summer) her last 3 years of high school, albeit with fewer formal ECs (and somewhat lower grades) than her brother.</p>
<p>At their school, this is pretty normal; few of the kids can afford not to work. In our neighborhood, it is a lot less normal, although by 12th grade most of their neighborhood friends were jealous of their independent income and went looking for jobs if their parents would let them. My son used to do co-op hours for other people, too, and gave it up reluctantly (he could get much more per hour than his regular job, but not enough hours, and doing both became impossible), but passed his customer list to his best friend.</p>
<p>In addition to the work ethic benefits, I would add the benefit of experiencing success for their various non-academic skills out in the real world. It has been very affirming for both kids, and something of a refuge from the stresses of college applications and grubbing for grades. My daughter, who wants to be a writer and understands that practically amounts to a vow of poverty and a lifetime of rejection slips, learned that she could be a very effective salesperson, and that she could make things that people would pick off the shelves and buy. Also, her jobs both in high school and college have given her an outlet for her visual art interests that otherwise would be dying on the vine. And my son's summer work is often very physical, something he doesn't get enough of during the school year.</p>
<p>That said, I wouldn't put undue pressure on your son to get a job right now. It IS tough to handle all the scheduling issues, especially in a context where it's not normal for the kids who run everything to have outside job commitments. You really can't complain about your son's work ethic. And my experience of the type of jobs teens get is (a) part time jobs really don't turn into full time jobs during the summer, although they can get more hours, and (b) there is a lot of turnover, so opportunities come up. If he looks around a little and keeps his ear to the ground, he should be able to find something closer to the summer.</p>
<p>Like many posters my children worked every summer from age 15 on (but that also limited taking advantage of summer enrichment opportunities). They worked some during school year--mostly my d. who didn't do school sports and thus had more after school time. We also made it clear that school was their #1 job and any work during school had to be on weekend time only. The boys were able to find low hour jobs they could work around their travel sports and school sports---car wash, golf course, drug store jobs.</p>
<p>We have a high-achieving 13yo freshman (precalc honors, 11th grade English honors, rehearsal accompanist for the school musical, invited to play with local CC jazz band, etc.) ... YET ... I'm starting to talk even with him about jobs, for three reasons. 1. He has expensive taste in recreation & summer camps. 2. He has a huge sense of entitlement to "parent driving time" for all his activities. 3. He gets away with murder in the household chores dept. because he is aways being so high achieving. (I also have a 14yo S in 9th grade, and a 17yo D with developmental disabilities. She does more housework in a day than S13 does in a week.)</p>
<p>So far, we've suggested "creative" activities to earn $$: math tutoring, piano lessons, selling at craft fairs, selling our books & videos on Amazon... He is being resistant, but we will be persistent.</p>
<p>We did not allow our kids to have a part time job in HS, even if they wanted one. We were paying a significant amount in private tuition, so it would not make sense for them to compromise their academic/EC work for a minimum wage job. Their job was school. Older S spent about 2 - 3 hours 9th and 10th grade, and 4 - 5 hours a night on homework through junior and senior year. He studied 2 instruments, was in a regional orchestra and had other ECs. He also volunteered. I don't know when he COULD have worked. He didn't have a car, and we provided some spending money, but not a lot. He worked the summer between HS and college, but that was his first real job. Between 11th and 12th grade, he volunteered in a research lab for about 30-35 hours a week.</p>
<p>Given all the stories about "lost boys" who give up on academic success in HS, and the pressures to do well to get into college, I would only expect a kid to work in the summer. You should pat yourself on the back for raising such a great kid!</p>