Amherst versus Middlebury Social Fit

Colleges and Universities A-Z Amherst College
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My D has narrowed her choices down to Middlebury and Amherst. She is completely undecided upon her major with interests in English, history, math, science, and music. We just came back from a visit to both and the decision process is challenging.

She wants it to work for her at Amherst based on the extra pluses - significantly better grant, healthy orchestra, and location (they are both great schools). Her main issue is the concern for social fit. While the students she met were genuinely friendly, her impression was that their expressions were simply “different” from her (as in foreign to her frame of reference). She’s open that it could work but still scared that she might not find her social group. I wondered if this is perhaps due to Amherst’s significant diversity (ethnicity, economic, nationality, religion, interests, sexual orientation, etc.). She’s from a sheltered, non-diverse small town. We were lucky to be present for the entertaining Lip Sync dorm room contest, but it didn’t help for our introverted D to feel a part of the group.

It seems that perhaps most everyone who goes to Amherst is faced with the same challenge. A recent survey of Amherst students reported that 76% have felt “extremely lonely” in the past year. I wonder how much diversity contributes to it.

Middlebury on the other hand seemed more immediately a social match. Yet it is (on paper) just as diverse. Was it just the luck of who we ran into in the short stay? Oddly, all the students we met, after chatting, offered their email addresses. Made us wonder if they are coached to do this, if it is just tradition, or if it was spontaneous. None-the-less, it was genuine.

Many talk about choosing a college based on “feel.” I don’t disagree, and my sense is that she will find her small group at either place. But is the loneliness (isolation) at Amherst more significant than Middlebury? Both Amherst and Middlebury are doing a lot to bring together freshman and student groups socially.

I’m not looking for advice like choose one or the other, but what is your or your child’s experience with Amherst?

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I am a parent of a very happy Junior at Amherst. His final decision was difficult including Middlebury, Swarthmore etc. “feel” was also part of the equation for him , and for whatever reason felt a bit more of an isolated feeling at Middlebury. I do think in our situation the fact that it was significantly further north and more difficult to get to from home was a big factor. I can honestly tell you that the final decision on Amherst was not without stress , just a huge amount of " not sure the right choice had been made", but in the end , the open curriculum was a big factor . Simply put, Amherst DID NOT disappoint . It has absolutely been the best choice ever and the difficulty now seems tremendous sadness at the thought of having to leave Amherst in a year. The ability to explore many subject has been hugely positive. He will complete 2 majors, neither of which he had considered coming in as a Freshman. I often wondered how much of the LAC hype talk during info sessions and tours was " for real" - well, cannot speak for other LACs but Amherst has delivered. There will be no difficulty at all getting very personal individual letters from profs he has gotten to know very well , some on a one to one basis in classes of 2-3 students and one class where he was the only student!!
As for friends and social contacts, I also have a very reserved student. The housing match and Amherst works very well- seems better than most ; in fact perhaps Google the Boston Globe as there was an article about it a few years back. He was matched perfectly in a double with what appeared to be his long lost twin. . Floor mates on the other hand have all matched together during room draw since Freshman year. Key , I think is to join as many clubs as possible , attend activities of Interest to find students with commonality .
Having said all this, keep in mind, you student is making a choice between good and good, I don’t think you can go wrong. Good luck!

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@lillypod Thank you for your comments - they really help.Worry and angst are too easy at this stage. Glad to know your son will be at Amherst next year.

I did not fully realize the larger scope of the conversation at Amherst around the topic of loneliness and social groups. I found past articles in The Amherst Student and The Indicator which opened up further (for me) this can of worms. My research turned up the even more disturbing conversations around sexual abuse. It turned the simple process of helping my daughter put words on her experience into a much bigger education for me. It would have been nice to have a fairy tale process of quickly finding the “ideal” college and then be done.

I am not turned off to Amherst after the research and what I learned is that dialog at Amherst between students and admin is real and genuinely committed to openly addressing campus social issues, which obviously are deeply rooted in our culture. As in life in general, it is also too easy to focus on the bad and lose sight of the incredible good and beautiful present.

Time for this protective dad to relax and let my D find her own answer. Thanks again.

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Best wishes rmsdad; this so brings back memories of how I was ready to celebrate once all the results were in so to speak, only to realize there was more " torture" to come! Yes, all colleges are a microcosm of all social ills and it seems all colleges are in the line of fire for one reason or another from year to year, be it drugs, sexual abuse etc- sad but true. Having a daughter I can imagine the angst is perhaps a bit more . Albeit we all as parents have our worries.
I’ll close in saying, clearly your daughter is quite accomplished in her own right and I am certain entirely capable of making the best decision for herself; it will all work out for the best in the end

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@rmsdad my daughter is having the same worries. She is choosing between 2 LACs and although everyone was extremely friendly April 6, she still has reservations re:fit. Can you please tell me where you read about the loneliness survey? I personally had no concerns until I read your thread! Thank you.

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@bsalum if the links in this message are removed, just google for the publication: The Amherst Student (link: http://amherststudent.amherst.edu) You can search the Amherst Student for “loneliness” and a few articles will come up. Look for an article titled: “Connecting Over Loneliness.”

One of the articles: “Mental Health and Wellness Committee Releases Focus Group Results” discusses one of the schools efforts to address this issue. It states, “The purpose of the focus groups was to gather more information on student experiences and to solicit ideas to address loneliness and improve social connection on campus,”

One person at Amherst gave this in response to the question: “Amherst has made a lot of changes over the past few years, including increasing access to common spaces, facilitating more school wide events, and even access to the counseling center.”

As I mentioned above, I believe the conversations at Amherst are out in the open and for this I think it is a healthy dialog. I had to do more digging to find the “negative” things about the other college - but it was there to find.

It’s hard to say if Amherst students have significantly more to overcome in this department. All young adults will have to wake up to the reality that they are on their own. Awakening within a supportive environment is what is crucial (in my opinion).

Another publication of student writing is The Amherst Indicator (link: http://theindicator.amherst.edu/). Worth reading.

Niche.com is another place to get student reflections. (Link: https://colleges.niche.com/amherst-college/guys–and–girls/)

Our conclusion is that there are ways for our D to meet the people at Amherst which will be a fit for her e.g. since she is not a partier, the sub-free dorm or joining clubs with other like minded students. She has come to peace with this and has chosen Amherst for next year. She is now very excited

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@bsalum I added the link to Niche.com at the last moment. The link happens to be reviews of Guys and girls - not the best cross section of comments. Check out the other categories under “About the Students” (e.g. diversity) . These don’t really provide perspective on loneliness either, but it helps (for me) to hear the voices of students in many different settings. Remember, that often the more dissatisfied voices are the ones that take the time to post - as with any review system.

Through the process of deciding and to ease the doubt and fear, I reminded my D of a post on CC I read that stated, “I dare you to make a wrong decision between these two great schools.”

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Congrats rmsdad !!! Our son was in sub free housing as a freshman and , if the dorm remains the same next year ( James) it’s one of the nicest/ newest. Sub free housing made it easy to immediately connect with like minded students. Wishing your daughter a terrific time at AC!

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Thanks for that - some good reading there. Like this: http://amherststudent-archive.amherst.edu/current/opinion/view.php?year=2010-2011&issue=24&section=opinion&article=03

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@rmsdad Thanks so much. I’ll be sure to check out those links. More visiting this weekend. I have a hunch she’ll wait till the 30th to decide!