I need some fast advice. My daughter is a Junior at a private school in California. The day before the year started in August, she went to a party off campus and returned to her house confused and stumbling. Her girlfriend was concerned and called the campus police and she was transported to the hospital. She was given an IV and released. She has never had any drinking problem before and has never been a concern for me . she worked every summer since high school , has worked during the school year , is very organized, serious, and before this --has made good decisions. I did not find out about this until the next day . I do not know if she was drugged or if she was drunk. I was very very disappointed with her and she cried for a month. Two months later she received an email asking her to come in before the school judiciary committee which she did . She has lived the past three months in fear and anxiety. she had her entire year planned out since the summer and had met with all of her advisors and registered and was accepted for a Spring study abroad program.
The Judiciary committee dismissed her case -and framed the dismissal as Amnesty. She finally was able to focus on her midterms and her future again. Then 2 weeks ago the Study Abroad advisor said they had been informed by the Judiciary committee that she had a violation and that they would discuss her case with them. She thought she should go in and talk to them but when she emailed the study abroad coordinator --he never replied.
Last night at 5 pm on a Friday she received an email from Study Abroad saying that the Judiciary has revoked her acceptance into study abroad. It is too late for her to register for Spring classes and all the study abroad options are closed now. The rules for her program state that amnesty cases will be considered on a case by case basis. I never got involved because this is part of growing up in 2018, but I really feel this is a Draconian measure. She doesn’t know if she was drugged, the hospital never did a drug check, I do not believe the school can access her hospital record.
They are also not aware of her family circumstances, her brother, who she is very close to has a serious illness and has been fighting for his life. Her father and I also went through a terrible divorce and he fled the country and the children and I lost our home to foreclosure. she has been so strong and responsible, this really breaks my heart to see her crushed more.
Do you think that I should try and call someone at the school on her behalf? Would an attorney have any advice?
I’m sorry your daughter is in this situation. Do you or your daughter know what the violation consists of (e.g., drinking when under the legal drinking age?) and what the school’s code of conduct actually says? Having that information is necessary for you and your daughter as the two of you decide how to proceed.
I’d appeal the decision of the study abroad program, telling them she tried to contact them, got no response and no notice that she was being reviewed.
If she does want to stay on campus, I’m sure some person somewhere can get her registered for classes - dean, counselor, adviser. How can it be ‘too late’ in Oct for a Jan program? There are sure to be some students who don’t pass their fall classes and have to adjust a spring schedule, some students who drop out, some who change majors.
have her talk to the Dean of Students ASAP
She if she can appeal the study abroad …say that she reached out to the coordinator but did not hear back.
Yikes, this is tough. I agree that she should appeal if she reached out and never got to meet with the study abroad adviser, but I wouldn’t bring up the idea that she may have been drugged. There is no proof and the fact is that whether or not she was also drugged, she was drinking under age. This is certainly a forgivable offense–whose kid hasn’t had a drink or two before 21?–and it sounds like the judiciary committee saw it this way. So she should focus on the fact that they gave her amnesty, and ask to be reinstated in the study abroad program.
It’s too late to register for classes that start in January? That part is unlikely. Kids add and drop courses even when classes have already started.
I would have your daughter talk to the Dean of Students. She needs to know what made the study abroad folks make the decision they made.
Also, there might be a little more to the story than you have written here. Simply getting taken to the hospital for any reason from a party would NOT be grounds for dismissal from a study abroad program…my opinion, of course.
Your family circumstances, while upsetting to your daughter, would not be considered I don’t think.
Thank you for your reponse
I do not know if there is more to the story of course . I am now questioning everything —even though I have no evidence she
has lied , the punishment just seems so punitive .
Her older sister an I are going to speak to her tonight
The study abroad programs come out of the different colleges within the university
The business school , the journalism , the liberal arts etc
Unfortunately for her the colllege she is supposed to travel under has the strictest policy. The others ignore amnesty, this one states that cases of amnesty do not mean automatic denial -but still will have to be discussed with the judicial board .
Does the study abroad have some kind of honor code she has filled out in her application? Maybe being drunk is enough to cull that kind of risk. Is it funded solely by you or a scholarship?If it is paid for by you, I suspect we wouldn’t be discussing this?
BTW, this friend, calling cops? I don’t get it. Is that what you do when your friend as wasted? Did the friend think your DD had been in danger?
Is this some kind of religious school? It all seems a bit extra.
Thank you for your thoughts
I agree the friend should have called me instead but I assume she didn’t have my number
No it’s A huge school like UCLA- but private
I am thinking of having her write out a reasonable punishment , an essay, community service etc and proposing it to them but it’s going to have to be her call.
I am sure this all stems from not wanting to have any risky students traveling abroad and representing the school . Also any risk of bad publicity if something happens to one of their students
It’s just that I know she more than learned her lesson. She is actually terrified of being around alcohol. I am so disappointed in this school.
I think I will always have bad feelings about them. I don’t want to let my daughter know this though. She has already said she wants to drop out because of how they are treating her .
Something isn’t in sync here. I would not suggest punishment for her - that is not appropriate. You need to be assured you know the whole story before you speak to anyone, but I would “helicopter in” and find out the reason she is banned from the abroad study either from the Dean of Students or the Study Abroad group. There may be privacy issues, but I would try. But she has to be up front with you about everything, and know what is in her file preventing this. Students are not approved for study abroad if they have had a “serious misconduct.” A kid drinking too much and ending up at the hospital - sure that happens. But it seems there is too much other drama from all this - her stress, the judiciary committee being involved, halting study abroad…not saying she isn’t being truthful, but it seems the primary parties involved (her, you and school) don’t have all the (same) information.
The campus police being called and transporting her - they may have assumed she was drunk, but they don’t get the medical records from the hospital to know what really happened (privacy). I know a girl who became super sick with the flu and my D had to call campus security and she was taken to hospital (worried about meningitis too). Of course their campus security started with the assumption that she was drunk, but she was actually and truly just really really sick. Point is, who knows what info was put into that report? Your D has the right to see it and know what she is being “charged” with. Also not a fan that she didn’t march over to the abroad office when advisor didn’t respond. She should have done that within 24-48 hours when she was informed her study abroad was on the line. So why didn’t she inquire more about that?
The other suspect thing here is not being able to register for spring classes. That makes zero sense at any school. So I feel you aren’t getting all the correct info.
So either the school does not have all the information - or the correct information - in which giving them clarity is important. She should want to know what is in her records and has a right to do so. Advocating for herself as an adult (which she pretty much is now) is an important skill to learn and have. Or, you do not have all the information of which getting clarity is important before you can speak on her behalf.
It’s stressful but she will get beyond this. And maybe if she can’t go, it is meant to be that she stick around. This to shall pass, hugs to you!
@CADREAMIN, very helpful post. Thank you.
The daughter should also check her medical records from the hospital. I assume they performed some blood tests.
When in doubt a friend should always call campus police for a transport if needed. Most schools do not have such draconian laws but I read about them on CC. Safety first.
The school may be concerned about student safety–both with respect to your daughter & with respect to the other study abroad students (influencing others to drink).
In which country was your daughter going to study ? That could also be a significant factor whether a Muslim dominated country or a liberal alcohol consumption country such as Spain.
Thank you all for your help and support with this. I again grilled her about any previous infractions or issues . She (and I already knew about this) was in a dorm room with some kids that had beer in the room the first week of school as a freshman . She promised me she wasn’t drinking and although the RA took names she was never called in to judiciary and it was all handled by the dorm . I do remember her telling me about it and that it never amounted to anything . So maybe this was on her record without her knowing ? I think they should have told her this -if it is on her file somehow she certainly has the right to know.
Yes I agree she should have marched into judiciary or the study abroad office last week.
I will grill her agin and then try to contact the dean of students tomorrow. I am sure she can register for Spring classes of some kind,
She just was all set for the Paris abroad program . Thank you again .
I’m sure you don’t mean you are “grilling” her. While you want as much info as needed to help her, she knows there was a mistake made someplace…and she needs to find out if it was on her end…or the school’s.
Help her navigate this process…but please…don’t grill her.
I would want to know exactly what she was accused of. Did the police give her a breathalyzer to prove she was drinking? Did she admit something to the police? You said she returned to her house- does she live in a dorm? I admit I know nothing about how schools work, but it took them two months to email her about the incident? That seems like a long time for something that a study abroad would find serious enough to revoke her admission.
I also don’t understand how you don’t know if she was drunk or drugged- she knows if she drank and she knows how much she drank- is she just not telling you? If she wants help, she needs to be honest with you about what she was doing, otherwise you have no idea how serious all of this is.
I’m sorry you are going through this. If she was really only drinking, unless the police have proof, I’d be upset that she was brought up to the judiciary committee in the first place, she was at home, not a threat to anyone. This would dissuade others from seeking help when needed, which is the opposite of what schools want.
Even experienced drinkers lose track. A kid with little or no drinking experience is not going to be able to give you a number of drinks more accurate than “1” or “more than 1”.