<p>I'll admit that I have not read this entire long thread but I have read the last six pages or so. I truly identify very much with posts by Donemom and Marite. I feel I could have written them, except they are far more articulate than I am. </p>
<p>There is this perception, and I also run into it off this forum, that kids who are intensely engaged in pursuits and passions, busy every minute, etc. etc. are being pushed. The pushing is assumed to be by parents, though in some cases, by a competitive atmosphere. I have come to understand that there ARE communities or families where it is very competitive and kids feel pressured to do X, Y, and Z to get into college, etc. But that experience is just so foreign from my own family, or truly my community. </p>
<p>Like Donemom and Marite have expressed, we don't push our kids to do this or that activity or pursuit and couldn't if we wanted to. But some kids are deeply passionate about something, and in fact, like Donemom, I have one child passionate about several things, and it is more like the child is pushing us. They would never consider slowing down or quitting. This isn't because they are in some big competition but because of an inner drive or passion. I see no difference between a passion in music, science, math, sports, theater, etc. A kid who is driven loves what they are doing. It is not work to them. They can't imagine not doing it. They would not be HAPPY not doing it. A kid who loves math or science should not be assumed to be some misfit or nerd. They do what they love. Many who have these passions are also very sociable kids. They don't WANT to "hang out". They'd be bored. I even have my own mother constantly questioning and criticizing, "why do the kids HAVE to do X or Y activity?" They don't have to. They would die if they couldn't do it. It may not seem like a necessity to her or someone else, but it is a necessity to these kids as it is their life. It is not about competing with someone else. It is about following their own desires. </p>
<p>They haven't given up a childhood. Who is to say what is a normal childhood? Some may be content to play video games, hang out at the mall, lie on the beach, whatever. Some who are engaged in particular pursuits find those pursuits to be THEIR FUN! I can't understand the criticism (and I even get it from family, not just read it here) of kids who are doing GOOD things. Would people be happier if they had no direction and just hung around? I couldn't stop my kids, not that I would want to. But I didn't make them do anything. They do not feel pressured to do what they do. The assumption that kids who do certain things are being pushed to do so, has always bothered me. I don't doubt that such scenarios exist. And I can tell from reading GFG's posts that perhaps there is a certain mentality of competitiveness in her community that results in these situations. We just don't have that here. </p>
<p>The other issue I am reading is that some think it is more impressive or more of value if someone achieves something by "tinkering" on their own with no mentorship or help. Yes, great ideas come from tinkering and independent work. But in many fields, that alone will not truly lead to great achievements in a field. I can't imagine someone just tinkering with an instrument, or learning to sing by herself, or learning a sport all alone would be able to achieve as highly as someone who has some training, coaching, teaching, mentorships, what have you. I know the areas in which my kids achieve and while they do some things independently (and happen to be great independent learners), they have benefitted from coaching and so on. So, I don't find it to be a more valued experience if someone does X or Y ONLY on their own with no help or mentoring along the way.</p>