An idea of my SAT essay score?

College Essays
1

If anyone would be kind enough to grade this SAT essay out of 12, I would be really grateful. This is the first one I’ve done in the 25-minute time limit, so I would like to get an idea of the score I’m working at.

Is creativity needed more than ever in the world today?

Although creativity is seen by many as something disposable and worthless to our society, it is in fact one of the most important factors in the progression of humanity. Creative minds have always had a huge role in deciding where technology goes next and what the next big “thing” is, and, more importantly, they inspire others to do the same. This is something that we as a species are not – and will never be – ready to lose.

One of the world’s most inspirational people came in the form of a self-proclaimed “dreamer” – Walt Disney. Throughout his life he admitted that he got to where he was purely by putting imagination into everything he did, ascertaining him the title of “most creative mind” in a poll by The Daily Mail. Not only did Disney’s creativity gain him everything he could possibly have wished for, but it also gave him the power to deliver inspirational messages (such as “Keep Moving Forward”, a motto by which he lived his own life) through his films, and touch millions of people’s lives.

Furthermore, we would not have come nearly as far technologically if not for creativity. The most obvious example of this lies with Steve Jobs, a man who pushed every boundary he could find. Upon announcing that he wanted to create a small “computer for the rest of us”, one that the everyday man could afford and use with ease, Jobs was ridiculed. No one but Jobs had the imagination to dream up a new, different idea such as this, so it was thought to be impossible. However, several decades on, he has his technology in every country worldwide, just because he was creative enough to try new methods of making things.

Another great mind who has creatively stretched the boundaries of technology is James Dyson. As well as being the first person to question the mechanisms of the traditional wheelbarrows and vacuum cleaners, creating something much more effective, Dyson puts a lot of his time and money into inspiring young engineers. The James Dyson Award, held annually, is his way of getting young people to push their limits and showcase their creativity, as he sees the importance of this. Without people like Dyson, who would inspire the next generation of inventors?

Overall, creative minds are needed in the world now and will be forevermore. Their legacy that is left in the form of inventions or art must live on, and their inspiration is vital to the creation of new creative minds.

Thank you in advance to anyone who helps, I really appreciate it.

2

“it is in fact” “Creative minds have always had a huge role” … don’t use definite terms, you’re just setting your self up in a trap, you can’t support it if it is definite. use something like “Creative minds can have a huge role in deciding…”

try and make thesis the last sentence of the intro, make “Creative minds have always had a huge role in deciding where technology goes next and what the next big “thing” is, and, more importantly, they inspire others to do the same. This is something that we as a species are not – and will never be – ready to lose.” your intro, then say your thesis. “Although creativity is seen by many as something disposable and worthless to our society, it is in fact one of the most important factors in the progression of humanity.”

your evidence is great but there isnt enough explanation about how they connect back to your thesis… especially with the walt disney example, it doesnt explain how creativity is needed in todays world.

and in your conclusion, sum up all of your evidence, then end in a philosophical statement. (if you have time)

score:9-10

this is my essay… it got a 10, you can see how you are doing in comparison to it

        Showing strength is a way to show courage, as showing vulnerability shows one lack of courage. The act of showing strength can be seen in historical, real world medical situation, and as well as in fictional novels.

       Cancer, one of the most notorious killers on Earth, kills thousands of unfortunate people annually. However this may be true, more and more people are obtaining the capacity to step up and show power to the face of cancer. Showing feebleness is one way one can succumb to the wrath of cancer. Breast cancer for instance, it has gained lots of publicity over the past few years due to the amount of people who are affected by it. Among the many that are affected these people show their courage to fight off cancer to be able to live a long and jubilant life. The people who are able to fight off this horrid disease are venerated as emotionally and physically courageous people. And the people who show vulnerability to the horrendous disease mostly unfortunately pass away.

         In a dystopia where people show rancor to books, lives a man named Guy Montag. Ray Bradbury writes about a man who shows valor in his novel Fahrenheit 451. Guy Montag is revered among book lovers as one who fights against his evil dystopia society to bring back the distinction of books. In his world, Montag worked as a firefighter, one who “burns thing”. Their main target was books. Books are presented as bad because they are anti-social, while T.V. watching is not. Montag steps up in this hypocritical society and becomes a book lover, but has to flee his city because he was caught with books. He meets a small civilization of book enthusiasts who are waiting to go and change the book hating society. And with a war going on, they find the perfect opportunity. Guy Montag’s strength to overcome the hatred of books his society has shows his courage and bravery to fight against a majority, rather than showing weakness.

       The American Revolution is seen as a great act of courage and strength. The Colonies wanted to rebel against a much stronger British force because the colonists were tired of the English tyranny. These forces showed their valor by setting up a rudimentary, and finally were able to ward off the British and have their own country. This act of courage is well known and venerated by historians. Rather than showing vulnerability, the colonists showed strength.

Courage can only be shown as strength, because vulnerability shows the lack of courage. As seen in cancer patients, a fictional dystopia and in the American Revolution. Courage prevails and is venerated.

3

Thank you so much, your feedback was very helpful. I appreciate you showing me your own essay, too. I will work to improve by making more direct connections to the thesis and being less sweeping in my statements. Thank you very much for your help, it is much appreciated.