My only suggestion…build your list from the bottom up. In other words, identify two safety schools…places where he will very likely get accepted, are affordable, and where he would be happy to attend. If possible, find one rolling admission school and/or early action school to apply…it’s nice to get an early acceptance.
It’s easier to find the reach and match schools, in my opinion.
You are fortunate to have the SUNY system as your instate options. Lots of choices within that system,many the potential for merit aid at some.
Where does this student want to go for college…geographically? Far from home, or nearer?
Your son should be the one driving this process if you are willing to pay for anything. Let him figure out what he likes and let him go where he wants.
Cali, he is not that prepared on the details, and I’m doing some leg work.
Also, I’m not willing to pay “anything” and have been clear with him on that. It depends on the school. It is his life, but my money, and it must be a good value education for the money. No parent wants to shell out $60k a year tuition for an “eh” school when other equal schools are significantly less or give merit money. He agrees with that. He is a sensible kid and understands that a parent should not just dole out $250k for college bc a kid “likes it”. So he’s trying to prepare for that.
I’m all for kids making their choice, but if it’s mom’s money, she is going to have a say!
Set up a spreadsheet and fill in the blanks: Size, Cost, 25-75 range for SAT/ACT, # Subject Tests required, ED/EA,deadlines,dDo they offer “major scholarships,” etc. Plug in the data for the schools you listed already. Add a few more. You should certainly have Bing and Stony Brook on the list. Maybe Geneseo, too. There are many schools that he could potentially get a “free ride” (tuition only generally) Tulane is in that bucket. As are Richmond, Northeastern, BU, etc. Some require extra essays. Some don’t. Have a heart-to-heart with him NOW re: $$$. Make it clear he can apply anywhere - but if the $$$ aren’t there it’s a no-go. Sounds like you also need to think about making a strategic ED decision. Do you go for ED at one of his top choices? (Penn, Cornell, etc.?) Or do you cast a wider EA net? Plan visits to as many of the top choice schools as you can this summer. The good news: his stats are solid. The bad news: for every slot at a top-top school there are 10 of him. Give serious thought to what makes him unique. Essays can make/break. Good luck.
It sounds like you have a reasonable relationship with his dad, who is expected to contribute as non-custodial parent. Should y’all talk and get on the same page? Has he said how much he would pay?
Both incomes count at schools that request non-custodial parent information. Some Profile schools use the non-custodial parent Profile, and some don’t. Schools have different ways of dealing with the non-custodial parent (Princeton has a particularly different way of dealing with this…Princeton does not use the Profile).
Most schools that ONLY use the fafsa also only use the custodial parent income and assets, as well as any spousal or child support received. But some of these also use a school form to gather financial information about non/0-custodial parent finances.
YMMV depending on the school.
This is all for need based financial aid.
I would suggest you read the threads in the following link. Tons of information about scholarships, etc.
is not true then. Tell him what you can pay for. It would be a travesty for you to tell him you can pay anything, and then run the risk of him falling for an “eh” school, and tell him that he cannot go there. Give him a budget. Tell him to use the search tools here or on College Board for him to find a fit.
He may not fell comfortable telling you some of the things he wants in a school whether it be a wet campus or a party school or a state where weed is legal. So let him drive the process. Push him to do it. The only advice you will get if you are searching will be about money. Only he truly knows what he wants in a school.
Prepare him with the details. Give him your budget and then tell him to explore. He won’t be prepared and he won’t know what he wants if he has Mommy doing all the work for him. Push him to become independent.
Wonderful. So maybe the three of you can have a talk so your ds knows y’all are a united front. I think saying something like, for Cornell, we’ll pay full freight. For any other school we’ll pay up to $XX,XXXX a year, but once the decisions are all in we make a decision together. What happens so often is that families set a number, kid gets multiple offers under that number, but then parents pressure the kid to take a less-expensive option. I think that’s unfair to the kid, who did what you asked, right? So saying UP TO and then WE decide lets the kid know that it is a family decision. Good luck! You sound like you’ve got this down – including the self-aware part where you know your weaknessws.
Has your son spent any significant amount of time away from home? I ask that, knowing that the adjustment can be difficult for ASD/Asperger’s students, no matter how talented they are academically. My niece wasn’t able to deal with residential college life at eighteen, and returned home to commute to college where my brother-in-law teaches. She started at Oberlin, which seemed like a great fit at the time. I wonder how comfortable your son would be at a college like Miami of Ohio. Will you be able to do some college tours in coming months?
Cali- I “can”. It is the “will” that is in question. And frankly, my kid is not interested in parties and where weed is legal. Since this is a parent forum, I’m a parent getting educated on this. We have only visited schools he is intested in, not ones I say. But it has to be a joint effort or the team isn’t on the same page…and that could be disastrous if his only choices are ones I think are not worth it. again, it is a TON of money, and any kid who thinks they get to pick whatever they want freely and without the input of the “bank” is dreaming…
Youdontsay- His dad and I have told him which schools we are willing to pay full frieght on. I shouldn’t call them “eh” schools, bc they are still great schools. I have not set a max, but once he puts together a list, we’ll go through and rate each as suggested above so he is prepared, bc after that, it will be his call.
Woo- good question. both the boys have done summer programs at colleges away from home. 3 weeks. he did one in austin tx and loved it! but that is only 3 weeks at a time!
He also did a week at Oberlin. He found it too small…we will do some visits in Aug. He has a job this summer. I want him to have seen what he wants to see before applying.
OP, you wouldn’t know. What kid in their right mind would disclose that to their parents?
“again, it is a TON of money, and any kid who thinks they get to pick whatever they want freely and without the input of the “bank” is dreaming”—> They aren’t dreaming if you tell them
If you have enough to pay for anything and do not want your son looking at “eh” schools, it’s likely that you are looking at expensive, elite colleges where merit aid is either ridiculously hard to get or where it isn’t offered at all. Give your child a budget. It eliminates the confusion. Don’t say “I can pay for anything,” and then have your child make a decision based on price. If you do that, then you realistically “can’t and won’t pay for everything.”
I don’t see how anyone wins this way. Just give him a budget and then let him make the choice. Everyone wins that way.
Cali, re-read Mom’s comments. She’s just getting started and is on a parent forum for the initial thoughts. It is a fact that she happens to be able to pay costs, believes they will not qualify for FA.
She can afford a variety of schools, but wants to be sure they make a wise choice, the right choice for a kid with some strengths and some particular needs. That’s good. Merit money is a consideration for OP. She is vetting. You can’t come on and declare she’s looking at a particular tier or cost level- nor that she’s setting parameters “based on price.” It’s just not what she said. Nor declare this is down to drinking and weed. They are freaking just starting.
Not every family out there will send their kid “wherever” just because they have the money.
The right match will be the right match. Many parents guide their 17 year old kids in sensible ways.
This is just an opinion (though not an entirely uninformed one because I’m a Cornell graduate and the parent of a Cornell graduate), but if he’s seriously interested in an undergraduate business major and if you’re willing to pay full price for the program if necessary, he might want to consider applying Early Decision to Cornell’s Dyson School.
An applicant’s chances of admission to Cornell are considerably better in the Early Decision round than in the Regular Decision round, and for the Dyson School (the undergraduate business program), which is extremely popular, an applicant needs all the help he can get.
HRSMom, just want to share that I was in a similar situation 4 years ago. I ‘only’ attended a community college and then transferred to a small directional state U, so I really had no idea what was involved with the college process for 2 highly academic top scoring boys. I just finished the whole process as S2 just made his college choice for next year. Thanks to so many here on CC I learned so much.
As I was the one who had the time for research(and love doing it), I found I did lead more often than both my sons, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t give a lot of input. It can be a collaborative process, even if you are the main researcher.
I also found that generally among their friends the girls often took more of a leadership role in the college search. Many of their male friends, especially ones bordering aspy’s or adhd, appreciated having a mentor work with them in the college search process.
I would echo the advice of finding a couple of safety schools first. My son ended up deciding he wanted to attend one of his safeties and turned down a couple of schools that are much more highly regarded. In retrospect, I think we spent too much time visiting and applying to elite schools that he really didn’t want to attend and would have been better served by sharpening applications to the couple of elite schools that he would still attend if he somehow gets in off the wait list.
@lookingforward You have it exactly right. Thanks. My S has a list, but short on safety/match schools! The GC pointed that out. As I said, I work in IB, so getting value for $ spent is in my DNA (or perhaps growing up poor did it)?
@Marian That strategy is what I am after here…With too mny good choices, and a dozen equal kids for every acceptance, I think strategy is cruicial. My S was starting to think whether ED at Cornell or Duke…I think another visit to Cornell before Sept would be good. Last time was cold, and Duke was 95 degrees!
@Marylandfour Thanks. My son seems to appreciate the help, and he also understands the concept of “value”. Once he has a list and applies, we just see what happens and he takes the lead. I have asked that he not put ANY school on the list he does not think he would like. Even the safeties need somrthing to excite him. Is this the right advice?
@CaliCash I see you had an issue on this yourself recently…I’m sorry about that and can assure you he knows the money issue, and there is no way I would put him in your situation! Sadly, he IS a little spoiled, so I have had to discuss it more than once to make sure he gets it. But thankfully he also is very sensible, and I think he does! Good luck this fall!
