Definitely call Res Life and ask for the policy…sometimes RAs dont’ always get the complete message.
3rdXs-- We had big echo-y communal bathrooms when I was in college.
I remember singing in the shower and having everyone join me. Some attempts at harmony. It was hilarious. Some was actually pretty good!
I’d finish my song and someone else would pipe in with another tune. It would all start up again.
I don’t know who they were ( nobody would admit to singing ) so can’t say I made friends) but it sure was fun!
I do a white board on the door with your names on it and some writing. Leave a marker tied to a string around the door handle and let the fun begin.
or try to unplug it for 30 seconds and plug it back in, should work. JK
Get Creative!
Just spoke with a friend of mine who dropped her child at a different university. She said that at her child’s school they had a meeting after move in and they told every student to leave their doors open as much as possible. They said it was the single most important thing they could do to not be lonely, to make friends and to feel a part of a community. Hmmmm!,
…at a different university.
That’s the key. They are all different. You have to play the cards you are dealt.
One upperclassman said she enjoyed the experience because she got to meet so many people while brushing her teeth in the shared bathroom.>>
That is exactly what all three of mine said. One had a community bath all four years and another had one for three of the four. The oldest had one for two of her three years. “You have the best conversations while in the bathroom.”
OP, I’m doing that annoying thing and not reading all the posts so sorry if I’m repeating. I’d be upset as well, and I’d expect the school Res Life to have more activities if they’re going to make the kids keep their door shut for safety. However, in the mean time, if your daughter is comfortable with it, can she sort of “loiter” holding her door open, one foot in her room, one out the door, especially when it’s a busy time? On my freshman hall we actually started sitting in the hallway because the rooms were so small to chat but who knows that might be against the rules now as well. Anyway, I hope this helps and your daughter starts to feel better!
Amen @calmom and well said. Your D is sad, lonely and hates her school because she has to leave her door closed? That is ludicrous IMO. I have two daughters that had that same rule when they lived in their respective dorms and it was not a big deal at all. They just had a white board on their door that said “stop in and say hi” or something like that. The point is, your D just needs to adjust and find things outside of the dorm that she is interested in. First semester freshman year is rife with emotions, but as her mom, you’re best to stay out of it and just support her getting involved in clubs, etc.
Fire codes are fire codes. They are based on local laws and can vary from one jurisdiction to the next.
I’m going to guess that the door issue obviously isn’t the real issue. The daughter is feeling anxious about making new friends and uncomfortable in her new environment. The door policy is something easy to point to and be angry about. Challenge your daughter to think of ways (many great ones have been described by other posters especially @gouf78) to meet people and encourage her to put them into action. Reminder that she is definitely not the only one anxious about meeting and connecting with others and there are bound to be people receptive to her ideas. Someone has to be the instigator. Good opportunity to learn those leadership, networking and people skills. Just a simple smile and hello and a little small talk when she crosses people’s paths will go a long way.
@Trisherella – (re your post #31) - as the link I posted in #15 explains, the reasons for the closed doors is that it saves lives when individuals are trapped in their rooms. If the halls are filled with smoke, opening the door and running out is NOT the solution. The whole point is that if the fire is outside the room, the door should be kept shut and if necessary, the residents can escape through the window. So no, the student should not ordinarily be opening the door and in an attempt to leave the building, because that is more risky than staying put. Smoke is the big killer.
Random “open door” trivia: An aggressively open-door dorm gave me early warning of a major earthquake AND multiple open doorways to shelter in 
This is not worth being angry AND sad over. My daughter is starting her fourth year in a dorm building with outdoor entrances, and the doors are spring loaded to close. No one wants them open because it lets all of the nice air-conditioned air out. She has plenty of friends despite the way the doors are set up.
I agree with doschicos, that this isn’t the real issue, for your daughter and maybe for you.
It takes some months to really settle in, make friends, adjust and enjoy college. Some, who end up thriving in the end, are still homesick or uncomfortable during the holidays in freshman year.
I think it is good to convey to your daughter that it is normal for her to feel sad or disoriented, and normal to find making friends (real friends) difficult at first. Again, it takes time.
It is a big deal to leave home and go to college. Huge. I think our culture trivializes it in some ways. Honor her feelings but remind her it is very early and things will get better. And try not to worry yourself- hard I know.
Finally, your daughter may not repeat every aspect of your happy experience. In that respect, closed versus open doors probably won’t be the only difference
How would she know there’s nobody in the common room if she’s in her room all the time? Get her and roomie to just hangout there. Bring their laptop, a book, whatever they’re doing in their room. People will see and conversations will happen.
I can’t imagine that most housing offices would spend much time talking to some random anonymous parent.
Some of these suggestions about setting up a party in the common room, or knocking on doors, or joining clubs, or other such “extroverted” activities are great if the D is an extrovert. But what if D is shy, or more introverted? She won’t do any of those types of things, at least not right away. The “open door” recommendation at most dorms is there to help the introverts who are unlikely to leave the room except to go to class. The extroverts usually don’t need any help finding and making friends.
OP, I hope your D has a friendly roommate? Or possibly other friends at this school? I apologize that I didn’t read the whole thread, but I hope she has other ways of meeting kids beyond the dorm. If she is brave enough to put up signs on the door and encourage others on the floor to do so, and throw pizza parties, etc., those are some great suggestions. Or, if she’s too shy to do those types of things, maybe her roommate is outgoing enough?
My kids were grateful for a door that was shut. They aren’t really antisocial so much as needing a refuge to come back to. It really depends. It is so early, all these kids will meet people and be fine, regardless of the door issue.
I am tempted to say be grateful this is the issue you are dealing with. Many parents have worries about medical or psychiatric issues, or about money, or countless other things. This really will be okay.
My best college friends didn’t even live in my dorm. They lived in different dorms BUT we ate in the same dining hall. Dinner time became a huge social time. And often something else followed, either a card game, movie, or social outing. Some of us discovered we were in the same courses, different sections…and we studied together.
And the friends I still keep in touch with were in my major…and in almost all of my classes.
My D’s school had this policy. When she was an RA, she devised a system where each room was given a sign to put on the door when the occupants were interested in company and people could just knock and be let in. If you weren’t in or didn’t want company, you took the sign off. Maybe your D can suggest something similar for her floor.