anonymous boarding school q&a

Prep School Admissions
1

<p>due to popular demand, i've decided to start this thread where you can have all your "embarassing" boarding school (or just high school) related questions answered. ostensibly you should feel free to do that anyways with the anonymity of the internet, but i feel as though many of you view this board as an extension of your real life, and thus would still feel awkward asking these questions.</p>

<p>so, send me a private message with your question, and i'll post it up here with your username removed, give you my take and then all the other current or former bs'ers can chime in as well. feel free to ask anything: hook-up culture, drinking or drug use, hazing, cliques and popularity, what not to wear. nothing is off limits, so don't worry about how shallow or weird it makes you seem.</p>

<p>this board has been slow as all **** lately, and i feel like i should give something back to you fine folks. so send along your questions and help me help you.</p>

2

<p>and we have our first question:</p>

<p>
[quote]
I was wondering what the kids in your town thought of you going to boarding school.</p>

<p>I come from a very liberal east coast town and people already hate that I go to a private day school, and it doesn't have anything to do with money. Unless you're from connecticut, what did your neighbors think? Some adults stopped hanging out with my mom because I go to my current school and so many of my local friends ask me why I go. I don't say it's because the public school in my town is full of lazy pot heads and bad facilities, but it's the truth. I would expect that the treatment I would get as "the private school girl" would be heightened with admission to a bs, but is that the case.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>i honestly don't think my friends had an opinion one way or the other; they didn't really know what it was. the funniest thing to them was that the school name rhymed with a slang term for male genitalia. one teacher i had seemed somewhat skeptical of the whole idea (and rightly so) because she perceived it to be an enclave of snobbiness and exclusivity. our neighbors hated us already at that point so there was a communications breakdown. but i do think people are a bit offended, if that's the right word, by it, hence why i try to avoid talking about it or bringing it up whenever possible. i wouldn't wear it on your sleeve.</p>

3

<p>Just a quick one...</p>

<p>How many rival gang battles would you say go down per day? 2? 3?</p>

4

<p>fighting is very serious business at boarding schools and is generally not tolerated. although a good percentage of the black/hispanic kids there will claim to be crips, bloods, latin kings or what have you (despite being obviously middle-class).</p>

5

<p>it's the lightning round folks. here's another one:</p>

<p>
[quote]
What are the fashions at boarding schools? I come from a school where the tighter the better, but please tell me it isn't quite this way at boarding schools. I have no problem with showing off my body but I don't approve of anything slutty!

[/quote]
</p>

<p>i assume (hope) you're a female, in which case it's tough for me to say because i am not exactly "plugged in" to the fashion world. however, i will say that boarding school girls tend to dress fairly conservative, maybe hip but without showing much skin (school rules usually prohibit this). it's basically the same three brands as for guys i'm thinking: polo, lacoste and j. crew. maybe a few others though? would some girls care to comment?</p>

6

<p>Quote:</p>

<p>fighting is very serious business at boarding schools and is generally not tolerated. although a good percentage of the black/hispanic kids there will claim to be crips, bloods, latin kings or what have you (despite being obviously middle-class).</p>

<p>I'm sorry, I was talking about Cholos</p>

<p>... And what the Yakuza?</p>

7

<p>waitlisted at ny day school. Should we send in more recommendations and write a letter expressing desire to get in?</p>

8

<p>
[quote]
I'm sorry, I was talking about Cholos</p>

<p>... And what the Yakuza?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>i don't know about any of that. sounds more like a california thing.</p>

<p>
[quote]
waitlisted at ny day school. Should we send in more recommendations and write a letter expressing desire to get in?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>even though this question isn't anonymous and isn't about boarding school, i'm gonna go with yes. i've heard of things like this working before. actually, no recommendations, just a letter. also, have the kid actually write it and make sure it sounds like something a kid (but a precocious one) would write.</p>

9

<p>
[quote]
okay, i know we already have a thread like this going around and you'll probably crack up at the stupidity of this question, but how does the shower schedule work? I mean if the dorm is big not everyone will be able to take morning showers, so do you just have to wake up extra early, or do people take them at night, or between classes, or what? sry for dumb question, but would like it answered before i go.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>you know, i've found the showering issue tends to resolve itself pretty quickly. the vast majority of people shower before classes (and if you don't, your absence will eventually be noted) and generally people just kinda figure out when's a good time to go. also, everybody knows that the showers are in high demand, and thus tries to go as quickly as possible. so even if there's not one available right when you go, a few will open up in a couple of minutes. you can wake up earlier then others and get breakfast too. that's another option.</p>

10

<p>
[quote]
What do you think the snobbiest boarding schools are? Which schools tend to be very clique-y?</p>

<p>thanks

[/quote]
</p>

<p>to be honest, i think all the top ones are quite cliquey and quite snobby, just in different ways. if the stereotypes are true, then maybe lawrenceville and deerfield would be kind of an athletes first school, where if you weren't a lacrosse or hockey player you got knocked down a peg. middlesex ultra-preppy, make sure you've been to the vineyard at least once. a place like choate might be the ultra-cosmopolitan place, where anybody not from new york or a suburb (greenwich etc.) is not worth knowing. then there are kinda fusion schools (hotchkiss, andover, exeter, groton) where one or more of these groups is dominant.</p>

<p>gun to my head, i'll say snobbiest choate, cliquey-est maybe middlesex?</p>

<p>of all the top ones st. paul's seems generally the most welcoming and most inclusive, maybe taft is in that group as well. not to say they aren't cliquey and snobby, but less so overall (was my impression).</p>

<p>this is one of those questions that could definitely benefit from the input of others though.</p>

11

<p>i'm at the top of my game right now, so here's another one:</p>

<p>
[quote]
So, what is the real skinny on dating at boarding schools? Is there much 'real' dating? Percentage of kids? Or is random hooking up much more prevalent? What are the obstacles to healthy boy/girl relationships in a boarding situation vis-a-vis public/day schools?</p>

<p>also:
All schools - public vs. private, day vs. boarding - have issues whether its drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, depression, bullying, etc. What would you tell parents to be most on the lookout for at a boarding school? What issues
are morep revelant or unique to a boarding situation?</p>

<p>Thanks!!!

[/quote]
</p>

<p>well, there are boyfriend-girlfriend relationships obviously, and they are common and visible, but you might not call it dating since there's nowhere to go on a date (nobody has cars). i'd say maybe 50% have one of these at some time during their bs careers. random hooking-up less common, i'd go with 30-40%. certain groups more than others: varsity hockey or lacrosse, 90-100% on both counts i'd say. kids in the strength/fitness class all 3 terms, well, a little less so.</p>

<p>probably the biggest obstacle is how quickly word gets around; i mean, everybody knew everything everybody else did. so if you were a girl, and you did something with your boyfriend, everybody was gonna hear about it. also, these couples tend to see each other a lot (because of the residential factor), so they get tired of one-another pretty quickly i think. you get this in public schools, but not to the same degree (especially the rumors part, it could really get weird at times).</p>

<p>problems to look out for at prep school? i'd say drugs and alcohol are as common in prep schools as at public high schools (maybe less so), but the consequences of doing so are much more severe, so that's important. also, abuse of add meds is going through the roof, and i'll bet it becomes something of an "epidemic" soon (if it isn't already). i think a big problem with boarding school is a sort-of cabin fever thing, where people feel so simultaneously isolated and surrounded that it starts to affect them. i don't think this is always the easiest thing to detect from behavior either, but i'd warn you about it anyways.</p>

12

<p>
[quote]
Is it hard to fit in at boarding school? What type of cliques are there? If you don't mind, what did you hate about boarding school the most? Are you judged by people a lot? Do people look down on you if you don't end up attending an ivy league school or a school like Georgetown?</p>

<p>Thanks in advance for answering my questions! :]

[/quote]
</p>

<p>i think it is hard to fit in at boarding school. there aren't that many people to begin with (compared to a normal high school), and it's a selected group of people that are juuuuust sooooooo coooooool; they believe they are the smartest, funniest, most sophisticated, most charming, most athletic person ever to grace the planet (sometimes, they believe they are all of these things). you are judged by people; what you wear, who you associate with, what you're into, what you say are all closely scrutinized. of course, any high school is like that to a degree, but there aren't as many cliques; the goth group, the emo kids, the a/v geeks, gearheads, there really isn't usually a set group like that. i'd say people don't necessarily look down on attending a non-ivy or georgetown, but they are a bit skeptical of those that attend school outside of the east coast/stanford.</p>

<p>i hated most the feeling that i was somehow the least cool guy in the world cause i didn't act in all respects like a rich 24 year-old new yorker or old-money new england type. this isn't high school. it's a lot of people acting like characters out of the paper chase or a bret easton ellis novel.</p>

13

<p>Ya know, guys - this thread presents ONE and ONE ONLY view of boarding school seen through the prism of a disgruntled former student...whose opinions he has every right to hold - BUT - for you young people who are looking for information/reassurance/truth about bs, please be aware that one person's opinion is NOT the end-all-be-all answer to your questions.</p>

<p>My d attends bs, and does NOT find most of this drivel to be true at bs.....uber-cliques, isolation, extreme snobbiness, perpetual assessments by everyone about what she wears, who she talks to, etc., etc......she has not experienced these things. </p>

<p>BS is not perfect -- for anyone - but God knows, neither is public h.s., where our experience is with a lot more cliquey behavior, judgmental attitudes and "who are your parents, now?" BS presents its own set of problems, and the OP does correctly identify some of them, BUT please don't let his negative attitude at One SCHOOL diminish or take away your enthusiasm and anticipation of bs....it's a wonderful experience for many kids. Just not this guy.</p>

14

<p>You would think lbftw would be spending more time with his college friends and enjoying life and less time online reliving his unhappy boarding school days. But then again, some people are never happy with their the circumstances.</p>

15

<p>jedwards, i know you think you know everything that's going on in your daughter's life, but...you don't. not even close. thanks for playing.</p>

<p>catg, you're right. i should totally be, like, down at the frat house pre-gaming with my bros, listening to some linkin park and getting ready to go out and score some tail, man. spending half an hour on the net answering some questions makes me totally a loser with a capital L.</p>

<p>i specifically said in the first post that all this was MY TAKE. my opinion. people send these questions TO ME so obviously they're interested in MY VIEW on them. if you want a second-hand view, jedwards would be your man. a non-view, well, try catg.</p>

1 Like
16

<p>I read this thread and felt the need to put my own view on some of this questions. lbftw raises a lot of good points in his answers. There are negatives that exist in boarding school, but I haven't felt them as much as he did. My experience has been amazing, and I wouldn't change it for the world.</p>

<p>As far as fashion goes - There isn't a dresscode at my school, so maybe I'm not the best to answer it. As lbftw said, Polo, Lacoste, and J. Crew are the most popular. However, there is a huge mix. There are kids who shop at Marshalls and those who shop at Barneys. I've found kids at boarding school dress more conservatively than most teens, but there is always a group who wants to show off some skin.</p>

<p>Issues to look out for - Coming from a girl, the problems I notice the most are eating disorders and a feeling of inadequacy (sometimes seen through depression and/or drugs). Living with people who are "perfect" both academically, socially, and physically can be very hard on girls. Many kids can handle it without too much of a problem, others feel the need to change.<br>
It should be added that not all drug and alcohol use occurs at parties or for fun, sometimes kids use them as an escape method. From experience at a public middle school, the escapism aspect is more common in boarding schools. Consequences are harsh for drugs and alcohol. I know many kids who party at home, but would not do them on or near campus for fear of getting caught.</p>

<p>fitting in- I didn't find it hard to fit in. There is a huge mix of kids at these schools, so chances are you will find someone. I think it can be tough at first because freshmen want to reinvent themselves and become part of the cool crowd, so they judge and become cliquey. Freshman girls can be very cliquey, but tend to grow out of it. There is a grouping that occurs like athletes on the same team, dorms that hang out together, etc., but nothing that is extremely exclusive. Just like any high school, there are kids out there who judge people. It's difficult because you live with them, so they see your highs and your lows. I've never felt judging was huge issue. Don't worry about college yet.</p>

17

<p>some good insights there. may i ask how far along you are (in boarding school)?</p>

18

<p>I'm a senior.</p>

19

<p>Incorrect assessment of Middlesex</p>

20

<p>sounds like you don't like the kids at your college either.</p>