D17 is going through a nasty bout of anxiety this summer. She got into her dream school, was very successful in HS, and has a good summer job. But she’s a wreck. Crying jags. Says she can’t eat because she feels nauseous (she does eat – but this complaint about nausea is routine.) Started with a therapist yesterday, but I wish I could do more.
Actually what I wish is that I could give her a crystal ball to see herself in Week 4 at college, when I suspect she’ll feel a lot better.
Has she already gone to orientation?
You should call the school and see what counseling services are available. My daughter has anxiety and the weekly counseling sessions have been essential for her to do well. If the school doesn’t offer counseling, find a local therapist. Even if you have to pay out of pocket, it’s worth it.
You should talk to her therapist and make sure the professional thinks she’s ready to go to school. If not, it’s not the end of the world! Her mental health is more important than going straight to college. “You want to keep the ball in play” is the advice a wise CC parent gave me. Blunt but true!!
She hasn’t gone to orientation yet. Her college does appear to offer a wide array of counseling services, so that will certainly be a first step when she arrives on campus.
Glad she is getting help. She might also put together something that would make her room feel like home. Maybe a photo collage or a craft project. Make a fleece tie blanket. (Ask the therapist about these ideas – don’t want to cause a flair up.)
Be aware that counseling services can be limited. There is often a set number of appointments per semester. Counseling centers are often set up to handle short term crisis therapy not long term therapy. I would strongly consider finding a local therapist near campus. While things may settle down by week four , anxiety can also escalate by that time a exams approach,
As you have alluded to, this is not at all uncommon at this stage of the game. The reality of leaving home and friends and everything that is familiar is setting in. It could be an “adjustment disorder” which, to my mind, means temporary and related to a situation requiring adjustment, rather than a longer term problem.
How far is her school? If it is not far, would it be possible to go visit for a day or even stay the night, find the hangouts she might like, look at her dorm, help her feel more comfy?
I wonder if yoga or meditation or Tai Chi would help a little-? Or even exercise.
I remember a friend of mine medicating her daughter for a few nights before she left for college. I remember thinking that if a kid is that anxious, maybe they shouldn’t go. But that daughter ended up thriving, doing a PhD and is a professor now. (Not suggesting meds but if severe or if she is having panic, they can help very short term.)
And my own kids suffered some anxiety at this point (and during senior year). Only one really had a diagnosable, longer term illness. They did fine, as you say, after the first weeks.
I have to admit, going into Bed Bath and Beyond still gives me some left over anxiety!!
If she likes her therapist, see if she can continue with him or her via skype.
Agree with everything above.
I have a medicated anxious D who has a glass stomach re anxiety and hormonal fluctuations… Anyway, our recipe has become 1 non-drowsy dramamine and a zantac as needed. It’s helped a lot. (We have previously run the nausea and vomiting by her doctor and it is nothing more serious.)
I concur with the suggestions to get an off-campus therapist, or to do Skype with her current one as long as your insurance allows this. She may be fine once she gets to campus–anxious people have a doomsday scenario running through their heads, but once they meet the reality, they can calm down. However, it’s good to have support through the transition, and to call upon during high-stress periods like finals.
Thanks for the suggestions, all.
Another vote for an off campus therapist. As @noname87 said, on campus counseling tends to have limited availability and is geared toward short term crisis management. That’s fine if the anxiety resolves relatively quickly, but if it’s an ongoing issue then establishing a relationship with an off campus therapist is ideal.
It sounds like your DD might be going to the opposite coast. I wonder if you could plan to fly out after maybe a month or 6 weeks (i.e., not right away) to visit for a few days. That way she will know in the back of her mind that she will see you in a set amount of time and get a dose of TLC. It also might assuage your worries.
In all likelihood, by that point your D will be adjusted to her new surroundings and will probably enjoy showing you around her new home, and introducing you to her friends.
My D had had a few bouts with anxiety prior to leaving for college last year but nothing serious. But when she got to campus, anxiety kicked in. Not having real friends and the idea of going to parties and drinking were the cause. It took her 2 weeks to get an appointment with the counseling center. By then most of the anxiety had passed. She was not really happy until Thanksgiving but to her, some unhappiness was better than anxiety. I did send her with some otc anxiety pills. They took the edge off when she was really struggling.
Good luck. Starting college was a lot more stressful than either of us were expecting.
What otc anxiety pills are there? (I can only think of something like benedryl)
OP: Is your daughter rushing a sorority the first semester? This can be an additional source of stress for many young ladies.
@MaterS No, she’s not rushing. I agree that would be a huge task for a first semester student so I’m grateful that’s not on her to do list. I’m sure some girls have a great time with it but I don’t think it would be a good idea for mine right now. @Marcie123 I’m also interested to hear about this OTC anxiety pill. Several people have suggested various homeopathic remedies, but I really don’t have much experience with them.
Some people suggest Valerian. There are also teas of various kinds that aren’t very potent but might have a placebo effect. Benadryl has the same active ingredient a Sominex and Nyquil and helps with sleep. I suggest the children’s chewable which is a half dose, or the dye free liquid. The full dose capsules and tabs are powerful and leave people groggy the next day. Over time, Benadryl isn’t really harmless, at least in my experience, but it can help short term without side effects.
I don’t know what an OTC anxiety pill would be though.
The otc pill is Calms Forte
It is fine to try OTC remedies for anxiety, but make sure your kid knows that if they don’t work, there is still hope. My daughter says that some of the most harm was done when all of the “helpful” suggestions like valerian root and yoga did not work for her.
Also, tell your kids that partying and drinking and all the forbidden things are not the end of the world. If they are exposed to these, or choose to do them, they will still be okay. So many kids with anxiety worry needlessly about this type of thing.