Another essay of mine, can you please grade it?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>I am trying to improve my essay writing skills which is currently on level zero :)
So, guys please help me out by giving your criticisms here and ideas on how I can improve.</p>

<p>The novelist John Hersey wrote, "Learning starts with failure; the first failure is the beginning of education."</p>

<p>Assignment: What are your thoughts on the idea that failure is necessary for education to take place?</p>

<p>The best lessons in our lives may sometimes come from the most unlikely sources, our failures which become the driving force behind our future successes in life.
Marie Curie, the world renowned scientist and double Noble Prize winner, loved to study growing up amidst a life of poverty during a period when it was unheard of a woman to pursue higher studies. Her desire to pursue higher education was met with many obstacles, and when she finished high school, she failed to enter any universities immediately because of her family’s poverty. Then, she had to put her own ambitions in abeyance when she took on the responsibility of supporting her sister’s education. For more than six years, Marie Curie continually failed to pursue her higher education ambitions because of her responsibilities towards her family.
However, the numerous failures she met in her effort to continue a formal education spurred her to become even more determined to obtain an higher education one day. After more than six years of not being in a formal learning environment, Marie Curie finally was able to continue her education again in Paris. Her previous failures became a driving force for Marie Curie to study with an intense determination in Paris, and thus her hard work and studious nature enabled Marie Curie to not only obtain the coveted degree in Physics, but she continued on to become one of the most respected scientific figures in history.
Thus, past failures most usually play an important past in our future achievements.</p>

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<p>This is a 6/12 at best. What you need is 3 examples rather than just Marie Curie, and less information about each person.</p>

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<p>The last sentence correction: Thus, past failures most usually play an important role in our future achievements.</p>

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<p>That doesnt change your score.</p>

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<p>Thanks turk. I am really low on examples and could not think of anyone besides Marie and I feel even the example I gave here is bad.</p>

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<p>ok heres what you gotta do. Marie Curie was a fine example. I really think this is a bogus essay topic because of the limited amount of sources you can pull up. I would have used Marie Curie and Horace Mann. Look him up. You want an opening sentence for each paragraph and you want 2-3 more sentences to back up your opening sentence. Remember this. TEST. T- Thesis E- Examples S- structure T- Transitions....if you can do that and add a couple of SAT words in there...u will get a 10+...guaranteed</p>

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<p>Try to vary your sentence lengths please. </p>

<p>Three examples are not required. Elaborate on Marie Curie and try to improve your grammar a little more. </p>

<p>I also disagree that you should add a couple of SAT words. You should only use words that you confidently know. It's obvious to expert readers when a similar (not synonym) of a word is used in place in the wrong context.</p>

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<p>Turk, u have been very helpful! thanks.
8parks11, yes you are right, my grammar is lacking when I write. I have to practice more.</p>