Another Essay Please!!!!

<p>please grade this essay. comments and/or score out of 12. Thanks!</p>

<p>Assignment: Do you think that ease does not challenge us and that we need adversity to help us discover who we are?</p>

<p>A man can only be measured in times of adversity, for times of prosperity will never define him. Therefore, one can say, that in order to discover who we really are, we need challenge. Ease is of no use in discovering the truth. </p>

<p>In William Golding's novel, Lord of the Flies, the protagonist, Ralph, is stranded on an island with many other boys. Over time, these civilized boys turn into savages. The boys hunt and kill for pleasure. While they start out hunting merely animanls, the boys end up hunting each other. Furthermore, in the struggle for survival, the boys remove their clothes and start wearing paints. Golding shows that humans are truly savages, and the only way of showing this was by presenting the boys with challenge. While in times of happiness, the boys were civilized and proper, they were truly defined in times of hardship and despair.</p>

<p>An my academic career, there was a time when I had never been presented with any great challenges. I had never been opposed and therefore, I had always stood atop my class. When I moved to a new school, however, there was a similar pupil. He was my first true adversary, and therefore, my years in this new school were marked by a struggle to achieve perfection. I became more involved in my schoolwork, and I became a very determined student. This period in my life defined who I was. One would not have trudly known me when I was not challenged, but when I was, my true colors came through. People saw me as a determined hard-working person, solely because I had been opposed. If I had never seen adveristy, the truth would have been obscured, and I couldn't have discovered my true self. </p>

<p>These examples show that a man can only be defined when he is challenged. In order to discover the truth about himself, a man needs an adversary. This adversary can be a person or the environment, but without it, in times of ease, a person can never discover who he or she really is.</p>

<p>PLEEEEAAASEE! Anything helps.</p>

<p>i would say 9</p>

<p>anyone else, and why?</p>

<p>You made a few typos. What happened to the typical 5 paragraph essay with 5 sentences in each?</p>

<p>does collegeboard want five?</p>

<p>Here are my criticisms: Your thesis is awkwardly worded, you waste way too much time on plot description in your paragraph about Lord of the Flies (don't give book summaries) and not enough time relating it to your thesis, your seccond supporting paragraph is OK but seems a bit flimsy and made up - did you make this up? there's not enough detail and too many generalities. your conclusion is too repetitive. you never really explore your thesis, you stay on the surface of the topic. </p>

<p>I'd probably give this 8-9/12</p>

<p>WOW I suck. How will i get a 10-11 by January???</p>