Another Unnecessary Not quite Relationship Question

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>Incredible chutzpah of me, but I am going to give you the answer that I would advise dearsiryes to give, and then you can hear from him what he actually thinks. Learning to tangle with beautiful and fairly beautiful women is a skill, much of which can be learned like any other skill. And it is best done on the job. She's clearly playing with him, but he can turn the tables and conquer her. And in so doing he'll make a break-through, to being able to not be psyched out and being able to conquer other beautiful women. Now, it's not likely to work out with her, 'cause she's a grade a player from everything he's said, and just a tease. And he shouldn't consider her make or break, 'cause there's many more where she came from. She's a mountain to climb, though. If he plants his flag on her peak (forgive the pun), he can move on to bigger and better or the same.</p>

<p>In the end, after learning these skills, he's likely to end up really connected to a woman he loves and is attracted to, rather than one he settled for 'cause he chickened out along the way. So for those who think this is crass opportunism, it does serve a higher purpose potentially in his life.</p>

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<p>bedhead linked to this from another similar thread. And so I'm wondering if dearsiryes is still around, and if so what happened?</p>

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<p>Oh, I'm totally sorry for not updating, guys.</p>

<p>I got the girl. Haha. Most of the interplay between the two of us was helped by my talking to other girls that I found attractive (physically and coolness-ly). Effectively, I was able to not stress about her because I was fine with approaching other people.</p>

<p>But of course, I did NOT ask her out. After a few days of long conversations, she's like, "You know...all we do is hang out on campus, we should totally go out and do something." And I'm like..."Yep, sound's like a date." And she says something like, "Awwww."</p>

<p>At any rate, from the following day, we've been together.</p>

<p>BedHead's suggestions are effective. Yes, indeed.</p>

<p>My bad for not updating. I've been working on my transfer apps. And it's paid off =) Which kind of sucks...especially since I'm totally hitting it off with this girl [no, she doesn't know].</p>

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<p>that's such a great story! i'm really glad things worked out for you haha! it almost sounds like a movie :)</p>

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<p>dearsiryes: </p>

<p>Which girl was it by the way?</p>

<p>You suck for not telling me earlier! Ha! You have to name your first-born Bedhead.</p>

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<p>anovice: I couldn't really tell if you wanted people to weigh in or not... </p>

<p>Sounds like you've got a good friendship going. If you're interested in moving it off the mark, make yourself less available....</p>

<p>I can't tell if he's timid or disciplined or a bit of both, if by awkward silences you mean times when you thought he might kiss or something.</p>

<p>Do you have any idea how solid it is with his girlfriend? Not suggesting you should be a homewrecker, but it may help you guage whether you want to linger. If it's solid, you might make a point to move on sooner rather than later, or at least make yourself less available.</p>

<p>I can't even tell if it's a bad sign or good sign that he texts you when she's in town. My gut tells me it's not a good sign, if you're thinking you are interested in him. In a way, it can mean he has no conflict with being with her and being friends with you, apparently.</p>

<p>Not quite enough info. to figure it out, though. Does the flirt thing ever get touchy-feely? What year are you? What do you guys talk about -- his relationship ever?</p>

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<p>LOL... since you read my post I figure I should respond. I deleted it because I thought it was kind of off topic not because I didn't want a response.</p>

<p>Regardless, I feel like I'm the one who always stops the ackward silences and moves on to another topic. I don't really want anything to develop. This guys been going out with his girlfriend for a while but like I said she's from another school. He never really talks about her and when shes's in town I'm not really friendly with her. It's not like I'm her friend. I'm not sure she knows just how close I am with her boyfriend. It's not like she's ever like, "Oh, I've heard all about you!" You know what I mean? </p>

<p>He is touchy-feely. Like just a few days ago I was on the phone with someone in between classes and he came up behind me, put his arms around my waist, and wispered in my ear(the one not with the cell phone up to it), "Did I scare you?". Of course I jumped a bit and turned to him (with his arms still around my waist) and said something along the lines of, "Why did you scare me like that?" and he responded, "Because it's cute..." Umm... okay. I'm always nice to him but I don't think I ever lead him on. It's hard not to be around him considering we have nearly all the same classes and we hang out with the same group of friends. I'm a junior for whatever that matters... but it's just a complicated situation. I like our friendship where it is but I don't want to lead him on thinking it has a chance of ever being more. </p>

<p>... you are like the relationship guru here on CC. LOL!</p>

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<p>anovice: The sad thing is I've become strangely semi-addicted to doling out the advice... procrastination.</p>

<p>There are things I don't get from your posts, the one you deleted and this one. But first of all, make no mistake he is interested in you based on what you just said, but is looking for more concrete signs of interest from your side, it sounds like. Don't give them to him, unless you don't mind being involved with his girlfriend situation. Also, the thought of a relationship going wrong (as it might) with someone you share so many courses with -- uh, that would su**! </p>

<p>What I don't get, though, is a couple of things: 1) You seem to already know he likes you; and 2) I really got the feeling based on your last post that you like him. What I am accusing you of is being afraid or muddle-headed. Are you not willing to admit you want him? Is it the girlfriend thing?</p>

<p>Look, you have very sensible reasons for letting this semester end without being involved, the biggest of which is the one possibly that I named above regarding shared classes.</p>

<p>3 choices:</p>

<p>1) Forget about it, and stay friends in the way you are.
2) Respond to his flirting, upping the ante until he either has to fish or cut bait.<br>
3) Walk away entirely.</p>

<p>I think number 2 would mean that you were throwing caution to the wind and going for it. There's something that tells me that's what you should do; it's because of your stated confusion when in reality I think you know the facts are there. It's possible to me, who doesn't know you from Adam, that you may be living a repressed life (repression is not just about bestial urges, but also feelings), and maybe it's time to risk it all. Show at least some of your cards at the table, though maybe in a coy way. Like if he does the cell phone thing again, hang up on whoever, grab his hand and twist around quickly so you are in a kind of embrace very close face to face with him, and say, "I don't scare that easily." And look at him eye to eye for a long moment, and then laugh and push him away. Do things like this that signal your interest, but make him take the real step to show his stuff.</p>

<p>Just be sure you could deal with overexposure to classes you share with him, and make sure he makes the right moves regarding his girlfriend (he might not see the need to choose otherwise, and I doubt you want to be the other woman.)</p>

<p>That's what I would do. Take it or leave it. But whatever you decide, it's not that hard: you guys like each other. What're you gonna do about it?</p>

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<p>... sorry to hijack this thread but...</p>

<p>BedHead, wow. You're good. I know you've stated that you are older before... what is your profession? Is this what you do for a living?</p>

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<p>To Bed Head:</p>

<p>The girl I'm with was the ORIGINAL GIRL who I met while running. We actually have quite a bit in common. I'm still weirded out by the fact that she's pretty, very close to her ex-boyfriend whom she hung out with almost every day before we got together.</p>

<p>Kinda funky? Or is it just me?</p>

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<p>dearsiryes: No, my friend, it's me! Ha. You couldn't have done it without me. No, god, of course it's you. You just showed some confidence and did some things right. It's a good thing; maybe this will be a big relationship for you and that would be what you wanted, no? On the other hand, if it doesn't work out, you've learned something (perhaps?) and know that you can go out with women you find attractive....
I am glad you gave us an update. Remember: these things take strategy, practice and discipline; it's not just a matter of doing what you think makes sense based on your past. You have to work some new moves.</p>

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<p>hey sorry to hijack the original thread dearsir ~_~ but i have a quick question for you BedHead (since u seem to be the resident relationship guru here lol):</p>

<p>There's this girl that was in my class last quarter and she's really pretty and we seem to have some things in common. the thing is, she is really on and off with me in terms of communication/friendliness; some days she's really chatty about stuff outside of school, like movies, shows, etc, but other days, she just wants to get down to business and she has me help her w/ essays, etc (and yeah, i feel kinda used :/). She expressed interest in taking the same class w/ my this next quarter, and i mean i can subtly shift my schedule a bit to accomodate that, but i honestly don't know if it's worth it. she has very masculine tastes in sports and stuff like that, so im just worried that she only considers me as "one of the guys". what plan of action would you suggest? I apologize in advance for being so convoluted lol.</p>

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<p>Imran: No problem, but quickly, 'cause I have to stop being lame and procrastinating on the things I actually need to get done...Definitely put her on the back burner, if not take her completely off the stove. Are you sure she's not asking you to take the same class to get help from you? Do not shift your schedule to accomodate that if it's with the aim of hoping things work out with you guys. On the other hand, if all else is equal and you think you would have fun and you're not hung up on her, it doesn't matter. In that case, you should do it, but I am not getting that read. Regarding the rest, look at the thread above and follow the actions more or less that I suggested for dearsirtyes. It's possible you could put her back on the stove, but right now it seems she only notices you as a friend; you could change that, but not by focusing your efforts so much on her. You need multiple dates with other women before you even let your mind go there.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
what is your profession? Is this what you do for a living?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Thanks for the flattery. God no, this is not what I do for a living. Which is why I need to get going right now -- my day job.... I work for an Ivy League school...</p>

<p>I originally came on CC 'cause I am trying to help the kids of my older sister who are in early high school.</p>

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<p>On a side note, HOW are girls at elite schools? Are they more into smart conversations? Just the same as all other people?</p>

<p>I'll be at either Cornell or WashU starting from next semester, so I'm just wondering. WashU is a pretty affluent (Jewish) crowd, but Cornell is quite diverse. So any thoughts?</p>

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<p>hey dearsiryes, from what i've heard (i have some good friends at washu who i've been talking w/ ) and they say that the girls there are smart as in they're able to hold conversatiosn about most intelligent stuff (like current events) but they still enjoy common things like all other girls at most colleges</p>

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<p>Well I'm actually talking because after joining some track friends at a frat party a few days ago, I totally don't mind meeting some less than moral characters.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
I work for an Ivy League school...

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I can guess which one...</p>

<p>
[quote]
On a side note, HOW are girls at elite schools?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>From the same planet as anyone else...</p>

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<p>I would only assume so, Xanatos. I was just wondering in terms of...different type of personalities/interests.</p>

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<p>Tistruth:</p>

<p>Girls underestimate their chance of getting with a boy? I don't think so.</p>