Another UofM essay - please critique

<p>Would anyone be willing to critique my personal essay?</p>

<p>Thanks,
Artie</p>

<p>PM me please :D</p>

<p>What do you think? It is clear? Should I make any changes?</p>

<p>I can edit. is this for U of Minnesota or Michigan because im applying to both so I could probably help you</p>