<p>Some of these are hilarious!</p>
<p>What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.</p>
<p>Why did Roger Clemens stick a needle in his butt?
He was using steroids.</p>
<p>How do you make an electrician cry? Kill his family.</p>
<p>What do you call a mix between a strawberry and a banana?
A smoothie.</p>
<p><em>ashamed of not being funny enough</em></p>
<p>^^All of your jokes are increasingly more terrible and increasingly more funny. I like it.</p>
<p>What did the boy get from his dad for Christmas? AIDS.</p>
<p>^^You haven’t been on in an age.</p>
<p>^Indeed. Although now that I find your comment totally flattering, it likely won’t occur again. The fact that someone has noted your random disappearance from an addiction-stemming site is very good ego food.</p>
<p>What’s the worst part about two black guys going over a cliff in a van?</p>
<p>-They were my friends.</p>
<p>What is the difference between a Chinese man, a Korean man and a Japanese man?
Their nationality.</p>
<p>Your mom is so fat that she was instructed by the doctor to go on a low carb, high protein diet to reduce the risk of heart disease or even a heart attack later in life.</p>
<p>An airplane flying over the Pacific crashes into a remote island.
All passengers on board die and the story receives worldwide media attention.</p>
<p>A man is walking through the desert dying of thirst when he comes across a magic lamp and rubs it.
The lamp is of no use to the man as it contains no means of sustenance so he continues his journey. </p>
<p>A guy performs a comedy skit at a local club.
Nobody laughs and he kills himself the following morning.</p>
<p>How many elephants can you fit in a Volkswagen?
None, the size of a single elephant greatly exceeds the capacity of a Volkswagen.</p>
<p>What’s more deadly than a child running with scissors?
Cancer.</p>
<p>^This person knows what up.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>They have to have some shock value to them, otherwise they become predictable and stale ;)</p>
<p>What’s worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
Being raped.</p>
<p>What’s worse than being raped?
Being raped twice.</p>
<p>A man walks into a bar…</p>
<p>He suffers sever brain damage and falls into a coma.</p>
<p>^^^ Hehe, tyty.</p>
<p>What kind of car does Satan drive?
A Toyota because of its great fuel efficiency though he considered buying a Honda.</p>
<p>What did the Dad say to his 13-year-old son?
Nothing, he walked out on him and his mother ten years ago and never came back.</p>
<p>What do you call a woman with two black eyes?
A victim of domestic violence.</p>
<p>A guy is having dinner at his favorite restaurant and finds a fly in his soup.
The waiter apologizes and the man accepts his apology.</p>
<p>How do you make a sausage roll?</p>
<p>Ingredients
375g/13oz bought ready-rolled puff pastry
about 2 tbsp either chutney of your choice, cranberry sauce, mustard, pickle, apple sauce, pesto, sun-dried tomato paste or red onion jam
5 good-quality thick pork sausages
1 small egg, beaten</p>
<p>Method
- Preheat the oven to 200C/400F/Gas 6.
- Cut the pastry into 10 rectangles, about 7x10cm/2¾x4in, and place a small spoonful of your chosen filling into the middle of each one.
- Cut the sausages in half, making 10 smaller sausages, and then peel away the skins. Lay the sausages on top of the filling on the pastry rectangles. Roll the pastry over the sausage, brushing the join with the beaten egg to seal. Place on a greased baking sheet, sealed-side down, and brush them with the egg to give a nice shiny glaze when cooked.
- Cook in the oven for 20 minutes until golden and crispy, and eat as soon as they are cool enough or leave to cool completely on a wire rack.</p>
<p>Tip:
Try experimenting with some of the flavoured sausages available now, and spread the pastry with a complementary filling.</p>
<p>Three men walk into a bar, and one is slightly stupid. The whole scene unravels with a tedious inevitability.</p>
<p>A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “Why the long face?”
The horse replies, “I have AIDS”</p>
<p>How are a plum and a rabbit alike?
They’re both purple, except for the rabbit.
:p</p>
<p>Obligatory bump.</p>
<p>What does a trumpet player use as birth control?
A condom.</p>
<p>How do you make two flutes sound in tune?
By adjusting the pitch of both musicians until the frequencies of sound produced are the same. </p>
<p>** bonus non band anti-joke **</p>
<p>Why was 6 afraid of 7?</p>
<p>Because 7 8 steroids.</p>
<p>i love this thread.</p>