<p>So..., I had a pretty bad first year at college. I graduated at the top of my class in high school. I got to college, and I was very bottom of the barrel.... I found out that my high school education was not what I thought it was- that my high school left many many holes in my math and science knowledge(that I didnt know about). I dont know any geometry or trig formulas. I never had a trig class(that wasnt the track i was put on), so I have no idea how to manipulate trig functions in calculus class(even though I had calculus at my high school for 2 years and I had it at college one year. I failed the first time because of not knowing anything about trig and getting discouraged, and I didnt want to take it the second semester so I didnt out of anxiety). Now I am in the same math class again. I feel like I know all of the calculus materials, but I just dont have the background from my high school in math to be successful.</p>
<p>I am also taking the same intro to electrical engineering class again. I failed it /dropped it the first time because of my background in math. We got to timed circuits and ac circuits, and I didnt know what was going on at all, because I had no clue what a sin wave even looked like, or what polar coordinates were, or what imaginary numbers were and how to manipulate them. I also have anxiety about logs because I didnt learn that in high school, and I feel like a retard because everyone else says they are easy, and I dont understand them at all and they are in all of my math.....</p>
<p>I had the highest math SAT score in my entire class in high school, and the highest math placement and highest AP score out of the entire class, so dont say I wasnt paying attention. I sort of came from the ghetto, and Im starting to think that the system is built to keep those people down :(</p>
<p>I am having anxiety about the upcoming school year because I feel that I am going to fail again. I tried to take precautionary measures this summer by buying an extra text for each class just in case i dont understand the book and what is being taught. I also tried getting a head start in engineering, physics, and math... I am scared though and I dont want to go back. I have ADHD as well, so I am a little worried I will be overwhelmed in that sense. I tried getting accommodations, and succeeded in getting 100% extra time on my exams since i wasnt finishing them in class(sometimes I knew the material, and just left a bunch of stuff blank because i ran out of time). I kind of thought that that would make a difference, but now I am not so certain.</p>
<p>I want nothing more than to pass engineering at CMU and make a life for myself. Everyone from my area and school is counting on me, because no one ever makes it this far, and I feel like I am letting them down.</p>
<p>What do I do?..... I feel like a ****up.</p>