So I just started my semester abroad in Spain a couple days ago and I have been absolutely miserable the entire time. I know that I do need to give it more time and that the first couple days can be really rough, but I just don’t see it getting any better. I’m so homesick and upset that I’m crying everything single time I’m alone in my room. I knew it was going to be tough and that I would have these low points sometimes, but I didn’t think it would be all the time. Nothing that we’re doing is making me happy and I just want to go home. I do sometimes suffer from anxiety and depression (mild) but I never thought it would be this bad. I was never homesick or depressed even during my first few days of freshmen year. Some of the advice I read is to make friends, but it seems like everyone in my group already knows each other and formed little cliques and I feel so lonely and left out. I don’t want to leave early but I also don’t want to be crying in my room everyday for the next four months. Does anyone have any advice to help me get through the rest of my semester enjoyably??
Read about this turnaround: http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/study-abroad/1852059-hate-my-study-abroad-and-have-no-clue-why-i-am-doing-it-p1.html
You’re not alone.
My daughter went to Madrid and experience the same feelings.
It got so bad that I had to go to her for 10 days.
But, she finally became an adult there. She vastly improved her Spanish. She learned their trains and transportation. She went to the museums and art galleries and explored on her own.
Please give it a chance. Get out of your room. Go to El Corte Ingles and check out that huge, what we called Macy’s Spain. They may still be having their sale. Exploring the downstairs floor with the pharmacy and grocery store items were a hoot. We spent hours in that store! Go to the leather shoe stores whose items are all hand-made.
Get out and explore.
I have a kid who had a tough study abroad. She was living in a studio apartment and it was tough to meet people. She was determined to make the best of it, though. She thoroughly explored the area she was in, took up cooking as a hobby, and worked hard to do well in her classes. She was able to travel to another country to visit some college friends also abroad on a break, and entertained a couple friends from home for a couple of days during the semester. She made it, and was pretty proud of herself. She learned a lot about herself and matured a lot just in the one semester, too. Stuck with it.
You can go four months without close friends if you have to. Someday you will move to a new city or start a new job where you don’t know a soul (and it seems like everyone else already knows each other). But a few weeks in you usually start to get to know people. Keep being friendly and open to the experiences. I think people have an idealized idea of what study abroad will be like. The key is to be adaptable.
First off, don’t underestimate how much jet lag can compound any kind of emotional distress. This isn’t to say that when you’re well rested and well fed (this is important!), you’ll suddenly feel well adjusted, but a little self care can go a long way!
You went abroad for something different, but different isn’t always comfortable. It can be tiring to speak a foreign language but stick with it. Make a point of having little goals and activities for each day. Here are a couple of ideas.
Go to a museum/site and take the tour in Spanish.
Go to the supermarket and buy a couple of things that are new to you. Learn a few new words. Or better yet, ask someone in the store to recommend his/her favorite candy bar. Or ask how to choose the best fruit.
Find a local coffee shop. If you stop by regularly, you’ll get a warm welcome.
Go to a department store. Or local boutiques. Practice a few phrases with a salesperson.
Visit a bookstore and get a recommendation. Listen to local radio.
Take a walk in a park. Spend time on a bench watching people. Keep your smile ready, especially around families with kids.
If you like to exercise, find a place to do that. You may see the same people regularly.
You need to get out and about and engage. Presumably, one of the reasons you went to Spain was to improve your Spanish. That won’t happen if you don’t talk to people. You could have taken classes in the US if you didn’t care about conversing. The people who are hanging with each other are missing out.
You will have fried ly interactions, if not friends, if you make the effort. This may not feel like who you are but this is the time to fake it! It’s hard, for sure, but also an amazing opportunity. You don’t want to squander it.
Hang in there. You CAN do this!
…you also know, in your heart of hearts, that the little cliques are often people clinging to each other for comfort. The people who stay in those cliques get the least out of their study abroad experience, as anybody who has watched hordes of Spanish students roving in packs in England and Ireland, all talking to themselves and barely speaking a word of English all day, knows.
There’s some super advice above, so I will add just 2 suggestions:
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book, now, for a weekend in England or Ireland (super cheap flights this far out). If you have any level of friend or acquaintance in either place, contact them & ask if you can come for the weekend (DO NOT be shy about this). Pick a weekend around Halloween time (which would be a good one, as you will be giving yourself a treat!). Go see whatever there is to see there- it really doesn’t matter what or where, b/c 1/4 of the purpose is to be back where everything is in english & easy, and 3/4 of it is for when you get back to Spain: you will suddenly realize how much you have learned in just 8-9 weeks. It is a real rush, and helps keep the motivation going for the second half.
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as soon as you get back / in early November start planning to host a Thanksgiving dinner. It will take time (finding some of the ingredients, figuring out the logistics, building the list of people coming). Many Europeans are really intrigued by Thanksgiving (esp the non-commercial/family focus, which is different than what many people think of America), and would be honored to be included. Planning it and executing is a great antidote to the (very reasonable) missing of being home.
Above all, as most of the other posters have said, make sure that you spend as little time as possible in your room on your own!
@gardenstategal gave great advice. I studied abroad. Yes, it was a bit scary at first, but you need to be out of your room as much as possible. Go on any organized trips. Sit next to people at lunch or whenever. Make small talk. No one will notice if you think it feels artificial. Raise your hand during class. Force yourself to do these things, even if it feels uncomfortable to you. You have no comfort zone in Spain, so you have to carry on until you feel a little more assimilated to your new environment. It’s not really different than last year, except you are in a new place. All those little cliques are temporary and I guarantee you that other kids on the program are feeling the same.
Make a list and force yourself to do some of the things on the list every day. That could be to say hello to new people, or to visit a museum. Do not allow yourself to wallow in misery. Get out of your room, really. You will get through this because you have to. Once you start being proactive, you will realize that it’s fun. Spain is a great country. Don’t miss out on this incredible opportunity.