<p>Are you serious, OP?! You’re worried about medical school acceptance if your son isn’t valedictorian?! If you’re so worried about your kid being Val, why doesn’t he take AP environmental science and drop one of his other courses? However, as many have pointed out, being valedictorian will make no difference long term. Unless previously established rules are being broken, you have no reason to complain.</p>
<p>D2’s school weighs IB and AP courses 1.099, and honors 1.049. D2’s GC just found out that IB TOK class is considered as an Honor course, instead of an IB course. GC doesn’t think it is right. D2 is also #1 or 2 of her class (depending on if the other person took AP or IB), but it is not worth it to worry about it.</p>
<p>OP, please be proud of your son if he is salutatorian.</p>
<p>I don’t know the age of dad posting , but you sound like you are headed for a heart attack or stroke - with all the things that go on in life , it sounds like you need to focus on the positive things - that your child is smart and accomplished ! A year from now this will all be behind you .</p>
<p>Valedictorians are often not the most outstanding student in a holistic sense. They are simply the student that got the best grades. And fortunately most parents in the know with kids that are at the top of the heap “get this.” And remember all across the country for schools that still have vals and sals and for some of these vals and sals it is their moment in the sun as everyone starts at zero again when you get to college. It takes a big heart to set aside feelings and let those kids celebrate the moment. Even back in the dark ages I remember everyone knew our sal took an easier curriculum so no argument is ever “new.” Fortunately somewhere down the line our system got rid of vals and sals and went to simply senior scholars for the top 10. Lots of good advice here for you. Hopefully things will come to a conclusion you can live with. Personally I’d let it go unless there is a specific college your student wants that has a specific scholarship that would not happen unless he/she were val.</p>
<p>Very upset Parent, please get a life.</p>
<p>i agree with everything here re it wont mean anything to med school, take the high road etc…but will add a small hug to the op…i remember well the anxiety of senior year and college apps…and this may seem huge to you now…but really it doesnt amount to anything… so many schools now dont even have vals and sals. Your son is an nmf…he can use that to get a full ride if you want and not even need the val distinction.</p>
<p>^^ditto & hugs from me too!</p>
<p>When mine were in the application process I sort of lost my mind, or so many of my friends would tell you. The application process replaced childbirth, and toilet training as the two greatest traumas of my life. (yeah, pretty easy life, right?) I think it is a really good idea to post this sort of question, anonymously, on cc where there are no real life consequences. There are regularly threads like this and the OP’s response isn’t unusual as far as I can tell. It is probably a really good discussion for a lot of parents to be reading at this point in senior year. ymmv</p>
<p>Hugs from me, too. High school is a hard time, full of anxiety for every kid, and so for every parent. I know I can easily feel this way on my daughter’s behalf, until I remind myself that this is only a microcosm of life, which will never, ever be “fair”. OP, congratulations to your son for doing a great job in high school, and coming out at the top of his class while surrounded by equally thoughtful and hardworking peers. Think how lonely it would be if there was no one else on his level! </p>
<p>D has three close friends-- Vals of this year, last year, and the year before. She’s not in the running herself, and after seeing what these 3 wonderful kids went through to hold onto this title, she said to me “I’m so glad I’m not Valedictorian.”</p>
<p>“Glad that we happened to have ‘only’ a 3.8 GPA high school graduate in our family.”</p>
<p>Oh c’mon musicmom, brag a little bit. We ALL know it was a 3.8314 GPA!</p>
<p>Very upset parent - Please relax and show your son that such honors are not what is important in life. If you are gracious in recognizing the accomplishments of others, your life will be much more rewarding. Think of the values that you want to pass on. Is it pride? Or is it humility, kindness and grace?</p>
<p>^ Exceptionally good response GTalum!</p>
<p>Good advise here OP. My 2011 grad’s sr year was very stressful at times. It is very hard not to get caught up in the many awards, titles, designations, etc. At the time it does feel so very important. I hope you take some of these responses to heart. Above all, enjoy this time with your son. Next year you won’t give a fig who was awarded this title. You will be waiting for each text, phone call, and skype date from your son who will have left home for college. It all adds up to nothing compared to the relationship with our kids. Please don’t waste this year fretting. I promise you’ll regret it.</p>
<p>I have been on both sides of the fence with this. One child who appeared to be the who “should” get the honor and didn’t, and one who edged out another student simply with a slightly higher GPA - so slight! </p>
<p>Both were very frustrating, both had us thinking “what should we do”? Both times, we just tried to stress to each of them that their accomplishments were OUTSTANDING and that really, for their course of study they had done the most that they could. </p>
<p>Both went onto college and both haven’t even looked back at that honor of 1st or 2nd place and seen it as anything more than a “moment” in their academic career - of which, they have had many in lots of other ways. </p>
<p>It’s a vicious circle, that ranking stuff. Try hard to not let your child get sucked up into it.</p>
<p>My first thought is: no, this really isn’t fair. And my second is: you really need to land that helicopter and let your son deal with this injustice in his own way. Even if he totally loses and the outcome is that he is salutatorian, there will be a lot of learning opportunities for him in such a major disappointment. It could be brilliant essay fodder for years to come.</p>
<p>I don’t mean to be flip; if this were my child, I’d be upset, too, but if you don’t let go now, you will deprive him of a very valuable opportunity to fight his own battles. And he should definitely fight this one.</p>
<p>What happens to the kid who “loses out”…is he/she named the Sal? Do both give speeches at grad?</p>
<p>My older son was the Val and didn’t want to do the speech, so he didn’t. My younger son was Sal for his year, and gave the speech. To me, giving the speech was a bigger deal. lol</p>
<p>Frankly, in this OP’s case, why not just have 2 Vals…if the parent wants to fight, fight NOW not after one is named…and fight for 2 Vals. Both win.</p>
<p>Well said Blueiguana, Post #38!</p>
<p>I can not believe you actually wrote that line about crossing your fingers that the girl gets a B! I feel badly for the girl and for your son. They are in high school. Don’t ruin senior year for both of them. Being overinvested in your child is not good for you either. It is sometimes helpful for them to learn that life is not always fair, and Mom can’t fix everything.</p>
<p>I don´t think it is a battle that´s worth fighting. That being said, if they want to challenge the grades, it is not a battle a stuent could fight by himself, he will lose. I see it over and over again on this board of parents posting “it´s his own battle, he needs to do it himself.” The reality of situation is the administration usually do not pay attention to students. It is frustrating to kids, it is not their fault, but it is the reality. I dealt with school´s adminstration for D1, both in high school and college, and I was very effective. It didn´t cripple D1, she watched how I dealt with them, and she learned from it. By middle of Junior year in college, she was perfectly comfortable in doing it. She is working now with her own apartment, no interference from me.</p>
<p>Were the rules changed? If not, I agree with those who say that you shouldn’t worry about it.</p>
<p>However, I have a little more sympathy for your feelings about this–I think it’s very natural for a parent to feel bad when they think their child may be slighted in some way. You probably have to step back, and look at the big picture, and tell your kid it doesn’t matter, etc. But (in my opinion) you don’t have to like it.</p>
<p>When my wife was in high school, she transferred after sophomore (or maybe freshman?) year from an honors school that didn’t have weighted grades to a suburban school that had weighted grades. Guess what happened when it was time to calculate who the valedictorian was? She felt slighted (although her parents didn’t complain). But if the school had assigned weights to her prior grades, and made her valedictorian, the other kid would have felt slighted.</p>
<p>No, I disagree that “both win.” The OP will come across as pushy and graceless if she tries to change the rules midway through the game to favor her own kid. Even if she “wins,” she still loses. Big time. </p>
<p>To me, the most concerning parts of the post are the knowledge the OP seems to have about the son’s classmate:<br>
First, it’s simply appalling that the OP has made it her business to pry into the class schedule and grades of a classmate who means nothing to her. There’s really little excuse for knowing that kind of detail. There’s an old saying that “Counting other people’s sins doesn’t make you a saint” - the same thing applies here. Focus on your own performance and let other people’s performance (in school, EC, life) fall where it may. If it’s not your concern, don’t let it concern you. I certainly hope the OP hasn’t taught her son to pry into the performance of other students and sneer at them if it’s not up to their standards.</p>
<p>coupled with</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>OP, are you listening to yourself? A middle aged person who is wishing for a student – who again means NOTHING to you, is not your concern – to get a low grade just so your son can get an honor? Is that really the set of values you want to transmit to your son?</p>
<p>It’s also odd how you are commenting that your son “deserves” this more because he’s an NMSF. That may be, but you don’t get to rewrite the valedictorian rulebook to add in NMSF just because that’s what your son has.</p>
<p>You’re very overly focused on this. Take a breath, and let it go. It matters not in the least in any kind of long term whether your son is valedictorian or not. Colleges know that there is no appreciable difference, and med school won’t care in the least. More importantly, you don’t want to be the kind of parent who obsesses over this. Many good points have been made upthread - Olymom and blueiguana in particular have offered you much wisdom – please read and internalize it. Good luck.</p>