<p>Debrockman: Our tithe isn’t 10% - more like 7% - and we did not reduce it when our D started college. I blame my very strong guilt complex; I just couldn’t do it. Perhaps that’s not a very thoughful, theological response, but it’s working for us, barely.</p>
<p>In addition, I also volunteer more at our church now that my D is gone (and I have that time to fill.) Ther are times that I’d actually prefer to give more money (and volunteer less) - that’s usually at those times when I’m looking for volunteers to serve on my committees!</p>
<p>We have had this discussion in our house quite a bit. The first thought is that if we are asking “before tax or after tax?” I think it’s a bit of a red herring question that takes our eye off the real Biblical issue. Because while the amount was given as 10%, the meat of the message is to give sacrificially so that we are faithfully dependent on God to meet our needs - with us doing our best also. If we adjust to an amount that we know we ‘can do’, then there is no faith required to meet the goal. On the other hand, in some cases - medical bills, job loss, etc. - 5% may be “sacrificial”. My personal belief is that this question is one solved through personal prayer and may not have the same answer for every christian. The fact that you’re wrestling with the topic is a faithful response! And if talking with your pastor about it is helpful, that’s awesome. Giving in other ways is a great thing too—
Other posters have talked about how they feel God knows their heart - and I feel that’s the real issue - through your own prayer and listening to God’s voice, what feels like the right decision for your family that you are able to be proud of as you are in God’s presence - both in your gifts to God and your stewardship of the gift of your children.
Sounds like your S will have a great time in college!</p>
<p>I genuinely appreciate all the thoughtful responses. Isn’t it funny that I didn’t even think about praying about it? Really weird because our lenten message has been specifically about prayer. I’m pretty consistent in my prayer for others, but I don’t even think to pray about things like this…in part because I feel that God already so richly has blessed our family and I feel like I need to “manage” the gifts. As if any of it has been in my hands, right?!</p>
<p>“Unfortunately, our income bracket makes him a very unlikely candidate for any help through financial aid.”</p>
<p>The above sounds as though, if the op qualified for FA, they would take it, while tithing. Does no one else see an ethical problem with this? In effect, it forces those who are paying for the financial aid (and it does come out of someone esle’s pocket, somewhere along the road) to support your church. Your own financial obligations need to be met before giving any money away.</p>
<p>If you have been tithing for years, and if your helping your son to get a better education will allow him to do the same, then a temporary decrease in your monetary donation could be appropriate. Make up the additional with time donated or services donated for now. And tithing and charitable donations have to be more than just about the guilt if you do not continue. God does help those who help themselves. And helping your son will allow him to better give back. </p>
<p>You might find that you could donate additional services if you are a two career family. You might be surprised what you can give beyond dollars, services that might be worth multitudes more to someone in your congregation who is in need of those services. Your pastor could help direct you there.</p>
<p>Are you suggesting merry that everyone on Financial Aid should stop giving financial contributions to charity? </p>
<p>coureur…I would like to hear more from you about this…but what are financial obligations…we can afford the state school. We have a third car. I expect we will still take our (driving trip) to the beach. We will pay our professional dues. There are things I could sell. The widow gave from her poverty. We do not face poverty. We are just trying to stay within the kinds of financial rules that say…have 6 months of income set aside (my husband has a chronic illness)…stay adequately insured…there are places we could keep cutting…although we have already cut alot. The widow actually leads me to think we are not TRULY sacrificial. Sure. I won’t buy clothes. We won’t go out to eat…blah, blah, blah…but it doesn’t HURT. The widow’s gift HURT.</p>
<p>Let me tell you Merryechol what else you said was so ridiculous. People of high incomes do not get one thin dime of a tax deduction for college tuition. Did you know that? That means I effectively pay 40% more for our kids’ tuition because it is not tax deductible.</p>
<p>some practical alternatives you might consider?</p>
<p>–could you hold a garage/tag sale of some sort and donate all the proceeds to your church to make up some of the tithe shortfall?</p>
<p>–if you reduce your tithing donation for the next few years, keep track of by how much—and commit to donating that much more at some point in the future?</p>
<p>–or could you somehow arrange to leave a portion of an insurance or annuity for the church to make up the shortage?</p>
<p>boysx3…I would like to make a commitment, but my husband’s health makes our long term financial health hard to predict. I do intend to set up our estate to give 10% to the church…which works out well, since we have 3 kids and that works out nicely - 30/30/30/10. :)</p>
<p>I think I might look at other options more closely. God has been very generous to us…especially with my husband’s relative good health. My husband is getting tired of living this tightly, but it’s really just a few more years. My bigger concerns are ultimately about his health and the fact that as a physician, his income just continues to take hits.</p>
<p>Debrokman- “merryecho…you must be kidding. The top wage earners are ultimately paying for all of the financial aid.”<br>
Thank you- my point exactly. Even “top wage earners” have other things they would like to do with their money, but pay so kids who would have no other way can go to college.
To simplify my point, if college costs $100, and I have $100 but choose to give $10 to my church of choice, $90 to the college, and ask you to give me the other $10 so I can pay off the college, am I doing a noble thing by giving the $10 away? Aren’t I really tithing with your money?</p>
<p>But what if somebody else decides to buy lots of junk food with that $10, would that be acceptable? Or pay for piano lessons for their younger child? I don’t understand your analogy.</p>
<p>The question isn’t that someone should decide if you can buy junk food, it is whether or not you think it is ethical (and/or noble) to give money away (or spend it frivolously) and then ask someone esle to pay your bills. As I said earlier, to me, giving to charity begins after I have paid my own obligations, including my D’s education.<br>
I knew this would start flames, but thought someone else might have at least had the idea occur to them.</p>
<p>My taxes paid for the FA for both my kid and you. Oh, yeah. There is no financial aid for my kid. Just you. I’m a really sick of people who don’t pay their way pointing fingers at those who do. I may be a Christian, but I’m really tired of people who are being carried who point fingers at the people doing the carrying.</p>
<p>Merryecho, I am not Christian, but I think it’s more than a little rude to jump onto a thread clearly intended to solicit the opinions of tithing Christians, and question the practice. It would be like jumping on a thread about “how can your child keep kosher in college” and saying that what does it matter, G-d doesn’t care if you eat pork. I think this is a thread in which those who can’t offer direct advice should stay out of it.</p>
<p>Thank you Pizzagirl. I’m trying to figure out how to handle college, which will be paid for 100% by us, with no tax deduction, when we are in a high tax bracket, and have a husband with questionable health…when we do what we are supposed to do for our church. We have two kids in college, one of which has a serious medical problem. Unlike some people, we will make this work. We have never had our hand out. My husband is a juvenile diabetic, and practices medicine in a very poor town where his work is often not paid. To have someone imply that WE have a hand out is beyond the pale.</p>