<p>Hi, guys.
I'm currently a high school senior who is applying for Ohio Northern University. I did my first draft for the supplemental essay. I hope someone will give some nice suggestions, correction, or even some critiques about my draft. Thank you so much!!!</p>
<p>Here is ONU's prompt:
(1000 characters or document upload) Based on what you have learned about Ohio Northern University, why have you chosen to apply? What do you believe you will contribute to the Ohio Northern community academically, personally, and/or in terms of diversity? Please use the space below or attach response on an additional sheet.</p>
<p>Here is my draft:
Attracting by Ohio Northern Universitys unique and supreme Pharmacy program, I decide to prepare myself for lifelong challenges, and hope to dedicate myself entirely to every aspect of ONU community. Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value is my goal in life. Taking advanced courses in many areas not only challenges me to study still harder, but also prompts me to develop certain skills. These useful skills become treasure that leads me to maximize my ability to accomplish everything. As both a leader and a friend, I enjoy sharing them with my school mates during Arista tutoring session as a part of my habit. Apparently, excellence in academics is not enough for me to become a valuable person, involvement is also an important part of my life. During my free time, I donate myself to manage clubs, to join teams, and to volunteer various organizations. With these experiences, I intend to participate in several activities in ONU, including Womens Bowling Team, Astronomy Club and other community relations. As an enthusiastic and friendly New Yorker, I will be pleased to partake the culture of New York to students of ONU from other states. And Im also excited to be exposed to diversity with ONUs own tradition and history. L, a young girl full of vigor and vitality, is looking forward to experiencing the natural and quiet rural life, and to immersing myself in this quaint small towns atmosphere.</p>