Any input will be appreciated. PERSONAL STATEMENT

Colleges & Universities A-Z University of California - Los Angeles
1

<p>Don't know what prompt it's for, I'll decide where to paste it later...</p>

<p>As I was growing up I always veered into making all the wrong decisions. My parents and grandparents were on my side, constantly molding me into who they wanted me to become; I grew furious to this. My parents sent me to a Private Armenian School for 13 years, most of which I never truly appreciated during my immature middle school days. Even though my family wasn’t the most economically inclined at the time, they loved their kids enough to send me, my brother, and my sister all to the same homey middle school populated with no more than 200 students. After middle school, I was sent to another private Armenian school where I received my high school education, this is where my life really hit the wall. </p>

<p>I was that short and stubby fat boy who was yearning for attention, doing whatever my popular classmates wanted me to do. Because of this, I ended getting into an array of problems with the teachers and staff, receiving more than 10 suspensions within my first two years in high school; however, I didn’t care. I didn’t care that my parents were dumping a boat load of money for me to get an education, I didn’t care that I was destroying my academic reputation, and I didn’t care that my parents loved me so much. However, all of my foolish acts came to a dramatic stall in the end of my 10th grade year. I got into an argument one day which really shook me; I didn’t speak the rest of the day. Later, I thought to myself saying “what am I doing with my life? I’m spiraling down into my doom.” Realizing I wouldn’t have a chance to advance in this type of life I currently reside in, I decided to make some major changes and I was motivated to do so, my survival instincts are that fierce. I began by losing weight, and within a year I dropped 85-lbs and finally stepped foot into living life as a healthy individual. Along with my weight loss, I picked up my grades and grabbed my flimsy 1.8 GPA by the collar and elevated it to a healthy 3.4 GPA all in one semester. I also began tutoring friends during school, and outside of school I began my personal tutoring business where I would visit elderly (60+) folks who contacted me asking for some help using the computer. I would go to their homes, their business, or wherever they were and helped them, giving guidance every step of the way. I even made my own 60+ page book on how to use a use a computer, filled with simple illustrations and a step by step procedures on how to do everyday tasks on the computer. After 11th grade, I was fixed to my books launching my GPA up to a 3.8 and keeping it that way till the end of the 12th grade. When time had come to apply to universities, I sat down and continued reading, because I knew I had no chance; my foolish behavior from my past had finally come and haunt me. My GPA from 11th and 12th grade was phenomenal, however, my over high school GPA was shot because of my immature views on life the first two years of high school. So, I decided to go to community college and transfer. With my head on straight, I entered my first year of college. </p>

<p>Due to tutoring, I grew a fond interest in teaching; I admired the feeling of accomplishment and the positive influence I had on those whom I shared my knowledge with. I began to volunteer at The Children’s Hunger Fund and other non-profit organizations with my youth group packing food and other amenities to ship out to third world countries. This is where is realized that I thrive off of people’s blessings; I can, without-a-doubt, sacrifice 100 hours of my life to help out a poor family in need, because I know that I will be blessed in a 100 different ways. I also grew very fond of politics, that it inspired me to join various organizations that my community college had to offer. I have always been interested in Politics and how the system we live in functions. My major is Political Science and I would love to excel in my studies at your school. “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” – Confucius. I took my first step back in high school, now I’d love to continue my journey by being a part of your school.</p>

2

<p>Delete the first paragraph. Include the prompt so that reviewers can do their best to help you. Is it a personal statement or essay prompt?</p>

3

<p>It’s a personal statement and it’s most probably going to be for the 2nd prompt. (transfer student.)
Prompt:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?</p>

4

<p>i agree about the first paragraph. your middle school experience should have no place here, just stick to your HS experience if you want to talk about school. You can show that you were immature when you were younger, but you don’t have to flood it with details like “i was suspended 12 times a year” or “i went to a middle school with no more than 200 kids in it” etc. try to keep it straight and to the point.</p>

<p>also if you’re going to include a quote don’t do the “‘here is a quote’ - Person” thing, because that looks really awkward. Instead say “Person once said ‘…’”</p>

<p>Your last sentence is also kind of cheesy. and it seems you just kind of haphazardly threw your major in there. There’s nothing wrong with saying what your major is, but try to relate it to the other things you’re talking about “My experience with the children’s hunger fund showed me that i wished could do so much more for them. This was when i knew i wanted to go into politics, etc.”</p>

5

<p>well as we see in first paragraph seems that the immature were speaking and the immature in this world always deceived no one can understand that this is immature so we couldn’t do that or this so make Ur self mature and when u speak so always do a mature discussions in a valid topics</p>