Do any parents have any experience with dealing with your child’s classmate’s suicide attempt and the aftermath?
I’m sorry that you are coping with this in your school community. The concern with an issue like suicidal thoughts and attempts is that adolescents can be highly suggestible and that suicide, eating disorders and other behaviors can happen in clusters. Its really important for the community to be aware of signs and provide support but also not to generate a huge focus. It’s a difficult balance. Is there a school psychologist coordinating support and resources for parents and students?
Thank you for your response @bsmom2004 It has not been easy. Honestly, I think I am having a more difficult time than Seriouskid in dealing with this…thankfully the school community has been very supportive and there are numerous avenues of support available including a group of clinicians that specialize in this type of trauma.
My kids and I don’t have any personal experience with this but I wanted to extend my heartfelt sympathy that you and your child are going thru this. Glad to hear that the school community is offering strong support, @Serioussweetie
@narcissediaz98 thank you for kind words.
My second DS had a classmate in 7th grade who took his life. It was pretty overwhelming for everyone in our relatively small town, particularly as the family of the student reported that his death was accidental. It led to lots of talking and speculating about what happened. I spent lots of time talking with my younger sons about the situation. The guidance department was also very helpful.
I’m actually quite surprised that there was this type of response to an attempt. As a mental health clinician myself it would worry me that it would lead to increased behaviors if it wasn’t handled extremely gently.
One of the kids at my D’s school tried to kill themselves, but school tried to downplay it for fear of the cluster effect. Individual counseling was available for whoever sought it out. School had several speeches on handling stress in general and ended each session with school counselor saying she was always available for anything. I actually think that the school downplaying it was the right reaction. When I was in HS two of my classmates at my old school killed themselves. Grief counselors were brought in multiple times and kids were able to talk about their feelings in a group setting, but newspapers romanticized the suicides and a whole bunch of kids needed to be put on suicide watches; it was a mess.
Regardless of whatever counseling the school is giving the kids, I think there’s nothing like mom and dad letting their kid know the following.
- That no matter what the kid does, they will love him/her (might be mad, but will still love).
- That no matter what he/she does, him/her killing themselves will be a much bigger burden to you in your life than dealing with whatever burden was created by the kid’s action. (I’ve read that oftentimes people who commit suicide do it because they think life will be easier for their loved ones without them).
- That there are some really sucky times in life, but like a roller-coaster, things will improve again .
- That depression is a disease and it can make your brain not think right. That’s not their fault. If they feel like they aren’t thinking right, talk to you immediately. If they ever feel desperate, don’t be afraid to call 911.
- That if school ends up becoming too much, they can change schools and that’s not their failure. There’s no shame in changing to a school that is a better fit for them.
- I’d also think hard about expectations and what expectations my kid has for themselves and what I have for them, and let them know that sometimes expectations and reality don’t match, and that’s not the end of the world. It’s just time to regroup, and reassess the expectations. Getting bad grades might preclude Harvard, but it doesn’t preclude life success. Getting ostracized by your friend group might suck, but although these kids might rule your school, they don’t rule the world and you can always change schools.
If your child was friends with the kid who tried to kill themselves, or if you feel like your child has any issues whatsoever, you might want to see a counselor yourself for individualized advice.
I’m sure there’s plenty more to say, these are just my immediate thoughts. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
The school has been very honest and forthright about the situation in terms of calling it a suicide attempt and unfortunately it was successful. I think the head of the school kept parents informed in a way that was sensitive and compassionate to the student and family involved. It has rocked the community and everyone has felt the impact, which is more far-reaching than I imagined. Grief is very complex and every one handles it differently. I was concerned about the cluster effect too and conveyed to my child that everything that happens in life is manageable, but death is unmanageable meaning that you can solve a problem or find a way to deal with it, but you can’t ever come back from that finality that is death. @melvin123 I wholeheartedly agree with your sentiments about letting your children know how supported they are. I am sorry that you experienced that during your high school years…it could not have been easy for you or your family @Momto4kids I can empathize, I am sorry you and your family had to go through that as well. I think that lying about a situation or covering up the truth just draws even more attention to it and makes it that much more romanticized.Teenagers talk, and I think it is very likely that everyone knew what the real situation was about. I guess suicide is still considered a taboo subject in some circles; I think more attention needs to be drawn to suicide prevention and knowing more about the warning signs.
FWIW, There was a good thread on here within the past 2 weeks or so about suicide. .