My twin daughters have recently realized that they have the same first choice school. One feels strongly that she wants to go to a school without her sister. We are not going to tell the other one that she can’t go if she gets in, especially as said school is terrific, but we also respect the desire for independence.
Ultimately it will get worked out, and obviously there will be other schools they apply to, but I’m wondering – has anyone else ever been in this situation?
How large is the school? If it is tiny like Davidson, that would be very different than if it’s large like U of Michigan.
It is the choice of #1 to pick a different school if she doesn’t want to go to the same school as her sister, but as you said she can’t make the sister pick a different school.
My two are not twins but were in the same grade. They picked schools 2000 miles apart, which for them is just close enough without being too close. I think they text and talk more than they did when they were living 20 steps apart and sharing a bathroom, but did not what the same school or even the same kind of school.
@thumper1 The school is an LAC of about 2200 students, which is relatively small, but they have very different interests, so I assume it’s possible they wouldn’t see too much of each other.
@twoinanddone That’s exactly what we’ve said – and our daughter understands – it’s her choice. She has a lot to think about. It’s complicated by the fact that she wants to apply early, so if DD2 gets in, she would have no choice. But as we say, she’s going to have to know going in and factor that into her decision.
My girls are actually close and get along well, but being apart is very important to DD1, so it’s a bit anxiety-producing. It’s also possible that one or both won’t get in.
College is not like high school. The schedules vary a LOT, and if they’re in different majors, they may be on different sides of campus.
If DD1 is the one with the “bee in her bonnet,” then it’s up to HER to decide whether to have a different first choice school, or not.
I wonder if this is really as important to her as she thinks it is, or will it fade as the decision becomes less intimidating and other factors to help her choice come along. Personally, I tend to focus on something smaller than the matter at hand as a reaction to stress sometimes…
I’m reminded of when S1 was a senior and S2 was a sophomore in high school. S2 loudly announced that there was “no way” he’d go to the same college as S1. S2 was tired of following in his footsteps and always being asked, “are you XXX’s little brother?”
We told him he could go elsewhere and that would be fine.
Then when we moved S1 into his dorm and later we attended a football game, S2 announced that he wasn’t applying anywhere else (but we made him apply to several other schools).
Even tho they were both STEM majors, they hardly saw each other, EXCEPT for times that they had arranged, such as an Italian class that they wanted to take together (for fun) and their weekly Tuesday “lunch date”.
I have twin boys, but they only applied to a few schools in common and wound up 800 miles apart at very different kinds of schools. You never know how admissions will work out and as mom2ck said in post#4, their schedules could be very different if they end up at the same school. At a school for 2200 students, they might only pass each other on campus occasionally.
Our high school is roughly the size of the LAC and there are many kids that my kids don’t know their names (and vice versa). And they are all in the same building.
@mom2collegekids That is a very good story! As you said, it’s up to DD1. I am hoping that she gets used to the idea and decides it’s really not a big deal.
This is really not a major problem in the scheme of life, but two 17-year-old girls have the potential to create a certain amount of drama and angst 
so it’s always interesting to hear how others dealt with it.
@gettingschooled & @momof3sons Unfortunately the argument that they won’t run into each other often doesn’t really fly, as their high school also has about 2200 students, so they feel that they get it. I know it will work out somehow.
<<<
Unfortunately the argument that they won’t run into each other often doesn’t really fly, as their high school also has about 2200 students, so they feel that they get it.
[/QUOTE]
High school is very different even if it is the same size as the college.
I’m guessing that your DDs are in a college prep curriculum at their high school. That is like being in the “same major.”
Also, high school tends to be from 7/8am to about 2/3pm, with scheduled lunch breaks, assemblies, etc. So of course they saw each other all the time. They may have even had each other in certain classes simply because the school only offers one AP Chem class or whatever.
College is VERY different. Some kids start at 8 am…some kids start at 11 am. …some kids only go go school on MWF. Some kids only go to afternoon classes.
They really don’t “get it”.
That said, as a mom, you could be a little conniving (lol) and find your DDs two totally different schools to also look at. One of both may decide that another school is a top choice.
I've been running NPCs on the websites of about 10 schools my kids are looking at, and although the schools are all very different, (I think, I could be extremely wrong) the estimated net prices are all pretty close (and relatively high).
[/QUOTE]
We’d like to try to find some schools where the net price would be lower, and thought I would be doing that by looking at our state school and a few academic safeties, but the opposite seems to be true at those places. Is it just that we don’t know what merit aid would be at some of them?
[/QUOTE]
You mentioned the above in another thread. Is the school in question even affordable? If not, then this problem may turn out to be moot.
Which twin is the premed one?
Is the school MHC?
But it’s up to them whether they think going to the same school is ‘too close’ or not. I don’t think anyone should try to convince them that college is different than high school. My kids were in the same class of about 425 seniors, totally different groups of friends, no classes together after sophomore year, and still felt that the other was ALWAYS around. Many people didn’t even know they were sisters, and yet THEY felt like everyone was always comparing them. I suggest they could live in harmony at a big state school with 10,000 students and they didn’t think so.
My brother and I attended the same college for some of the same period. Big state school. I could see his apartment from mine, but we rarely ran into each other. Not a big deal to me. My kids are different.
Oh, I agree. Even though their high school is the exact same size as right now they’re in a cluster with the kids who take all AP classes – of course they see each other and have some overlap of friends!
Yes, @mom2collegekids, it’s MHC. It’s definitely one of the most affordable, so cost isn’t an issue – in fact the opposite; if both get in it’s likely to be one of the best possible FA packages. If the girls get into any of their top schools the money will be more than fine. If not, they’ll need a few loans, but it will be a very manageable amount.
It’s the DD who wants to go to med school who is talking about wanting the independence. She’s also the one who has very strong opinions about what she wants in a school. It’s very much like Bryn Mawr, which she also loved, but it’s only an hour away from home and very close to her best friends who are already going to college in the Amherst area.
Right now the prudent thing seems to be to find more schools that they can love. As @twoinanddone said, only the girls can decide what’s too close for them.
@pheebers Yes, but they need to make an informed decision. I would take them back to the school, let them really see where their majors’ academic buildings are, where dorms are, where dining halls are, etc, and see if they could live “independently” there.
I agree that it’s a good idea to find more schools that they can love.
Did your twins consider Smith and Wellesley as well?
My daughter looked at MHC, Smith and Wellesley.
She preferred MHC over Smith but ended up at Wellesley.
She did overnights at both MHC and Wellesley.
Whether they will for sure regularly run into each other may depend on the schools set up. At my kids 9000student school , all the freshman have breakfast and dinner in the same place. It would be impossible not to run into each other and if they are identical it may quickly become a point of interest for others.
<<<
up. At my kids 9000student school , all the freshman have breakfast and dinner in the same place
[/QUOTE]
I don’t think that’s typical for a school that size. Seating 2000+ frosh in one dining hall for 2 meals a day would be hard for most schools to do unless the 2 meals have a wide window…like 6am-10am …and 4pm - 8pm.
If MHC has more dining choices, and doesn’t restrict frosh to eat or live in one specific area, then they would run into each other less frequently.
I agree, though, if the twins are identical, it can become an interest to others. I can remember saying hello to a classmate while walking around campus. The guy gave me a look like he had no idea who I was. Well, he didn’t. This was my classmate’s identical twin.
Our twins are in the process of applying for next fall, they are boy/girl, though. Neither wants to be at school with the other but they both have one overlapping school of choice, a first choice for D and a top 4 choice for S. Not sure what they will do if D is accepted and S ends up deciding to go there, but it’s a large university so I’m sure they could both attend without even realizing the other was there . . . but I think one would choose elsewhere anyway! It definitely makes the process more interesting with two!
My older sister went to school overseas and had gap time. She also had medically treated depression issues. Parents had arranged for her to go to my small private college (same major) - she was going to be on a different floor in the dorm, but was scheduled to have almost all the same classes/same sections as me. A few weeks before school started, she found another school and told parents she was going there. I was relieved. We did have several sisters attending the school - all majoring in nursing, but not starting the same year.
At a bigger campus and in different fields of study, would not have been an issue.
Will have to say where the twins land!
I don’t have twins, but if I did, I would at least want them to be at schools that weren’t too far apart. Move-in is going on right now at the flagship near our home, and I can’t imagine trying to manage all that with twins going in different directions unless they’re the type who truly want to manage it all themselves, or if both parents are great with that sort of thing and will each help a child.
I would also have a fear that their graduations would occur on the same weekends…a thousand miles apart.