<p>My daughter and her best friend have both been accepted to the same college. D has always been open to having a "stranger" for a dorm mate. She likes the idea of meeting new people and taking "the good with the bad".</p>
<p>In the meantme, her friend who doesn't like to venture out of her comfort zone has persuaded my daughter to be roommates. They feel it will be easier since they already know each other and are used to one another's quirks. This friend can be moody, but then so can *any *roommate . They both said they can socialize with their residence hall mates, but come back to their "familiar zone". I can see where this makes sense in some respects, but is it being too safe? They are very compatible and have no problem communicating with each other if there's an issue.</p>
<p>I suppose this wouldn't much different than having NO roommate if they lived Cerro Vista. They also mentioned maybe finding two compatible roommates to share an apt. in Poly Canyon as sophomores.</p>
<p>Any thoughts? Has anyone here or their child lived with their childhood/h.s. friend and had problems? Or has it been a positive experience? Would they be missing out on something they'll regret? They won't listen to me when I mention the rewards of living with someone totally random or via Facebook. :/</p>
<p>It’s generally considered to be a bad idea. You think you know someone until you live with them, ha ha.</p>
<p>Also, by rooming together, that’s 2 less people that they will meet (a different roommate for each girl).</p>
<p>Then there’s the whole issue that arises when your D meets someone in a class or a club, and that person invites her to go somewhere or hang out - does your D feel obligated to bring her roommate along? If the roommate makes friends and doesn’t include D, will she feel left out? Can they meet people and make friends as individuals, or do they become a “package deal” since they’re already best friends? </p>
<p>There are a lot of potential pitfalls here.</p>
<p>That said, my H roomed freshman and soph year with a guy he knew casually from high school, and it worked out fine.</p>
<p>I might sound really sexist for writing this, but I wonder if it would be different it it’s two guys as compared to two girls. </p>
<p>My nephew had absolutely no problem with this: he was in a suite of 3-4 other guys and after many years and many different arrangements, his old HS buddy continued to be good friends and occasional roomies.</p>
<p>But then, with all those no-nos mentioned in the post above, I realized it isn’t always a good idea. I thought this particularly when you wrote your DD likes to meet new people while her HS friend is a bit reluctant. Would she be frustrated that she’s bringing in new acquaintances and expanding her circle of friends while her HS buddy remains aloft and isolated?</p>
<p>her friend who doesn’t like to venture out of her comfort zone has persuaded my daughter to be roommates.</p>
<p>My son’s GF (I’ll call her Terry) is presently in this situation. She is outgoing, but her old high school friend (Karen) is not. The friend pressured her to be roommates this year. It’s been a disaster. Karen is very controlling with Terry’s time. Karen gets very upset when Terry makes plans with “new” friends that don’t include Karen. Karen also wanted Terry to take most of their classes together (Terry is pre-pharm and Karen is pre-med…so many similar classes are required). </p>
<p>Next year they will NOT be roomies. </p>
<p>OK…this is going to sound sexist (so please don’t flame me), but boys don’t seem to have this problem as often.</p>
<p>LOL…cross-posted my above post with Lima…we’re both sexists…LOL…just kiddin’…I just think this is one area that guys and girls are different. :)</p>
<p>At the UIUC open house, they said. Boys, should be fine. Girls, no way in a million years. Not my opinion, since kids are still in HS, but this was the Housing Director at UIUC.</p>
<p>You know, I totally agree. My husband roomed with his best friend from HS – both of them went to the same school thousands of mile from home. It worked out great. It didn’t stifle making friends with other people, and they’re still close friends to this day. Girls – a totally different story!</p>
<p>I went to the same university as my best friend–you know, before electricity–and I really wanted to room with her. She said that we needed to make our own friends freshman year and then we could room together sophomore year, which we did. My feelings weren’t too crushed and I muddled through. She was still there when I needed her; she lived on the other side of campus. I thought my friend was very wise to suggest not rooming together.</p>
<p>Today, however, times are very different. Roommates can be involved in all kinds of things that are not only immoral, but may be illegal. Rooming with someone you know could be a very good thing especially if you tend to be on the conservative (not politically, but morally) side.</p>
<p>I think that my best friend’s policy was a good one and I would encourage my children to room with someone they do not know; however, I can see another side.</p>
<p>At the info sessions for several colleges they made a point to mention it’s not a good idea to try to room with your best friend from HS. They didn’t distinguish between the genders but maybe because that would have been politically incorrect. </p>
<p>I think there can be a difference between rooming with an acquaintance from HS versus a BF form HS since the latter introduces the jealousy factor into it - especially with females (as long as we’re all being sexist here). Since your D is the more open one and the other the clingy one, this could end up to be a major irritant and ‘girl roomie drama’ problem for your D. According to both of my Ds, girls tend to have much more roomie drama than guys.</p>
<p>If they’ve already decided to do this and neither girl has an issue with it then they can probably just forge ahead with it and deal with it. Sometimes it works out fine and other times they just have to put up with the drama and split when they get a chance. If they’re not totally set on it then maybe they should consider rooming separately and still having each other to lean on and do things with, along with their new roomies (if they’re lucky and get a decent one), or in the event their new roomie is a dud. Another advantage is that rooming separately allows them to meet someone new who may be from a different area, who’ll have a different background, etc.</p>
<p>I assume they’ll be in a dorm where they’ll be in a double vs a triple? If in a triple then there can sometimes be issues for the third roomie when the other two were best friends in HS - i.e. the third one could get excluded somewhat.</p>
<p>It is very unlikely my D will end up at a school with any of her close girl friends but we’ve already discussed hypothetically which ones she could room with and which ones she couldn’t because she recognizes those that have no problem with having separate interests and friends in addition to mutual interests and friends. With other girls she knows it would be too lopsided a relationship and would not work, that one would need her more than she needed them and that is a recipe for disaster in any living together situation - friends or a relationship! In the situation the OP describes though it sounds like it would be a lopsided relationship and not one that will work out well.</p>
<p>Personally I think guys handle this better than girls do. My hs best friend and I had a very strained relationship for years after rooming together freshman year. I know of others who after 30+ years still are not on speaking terms.</p>
<p>I really think one of the biggest problems is that people tend to unintentionally take advantage of others they are really close to. We tend to be on better behavior with strangers. I also think young girls aren’t as good about being honest with their feelings when they feel used as boys are and this lack of honesty can create simmering resentment between roommates.</p>
<p>Room with a stranger but close to your friends so you can hang out.</p>
<p>Colleges claim that the success rate is lower when freshman roommates are high school pals. That’s because they might not be as guarded/considerate with an old pal. And it is close quarters! </p>
<p>That said… it is nice to know that you’ll have a roommate with similar values.</p>
<p>I can give you my perspective on the dorms you’ve mentioned, although the gender is different. My son and his best friend from as far back as junior high school both got into Cal Poly ED last year. They immediately requested each other as roommates, and because the best friend was in the honors program they got into Cerro Vista. After some initial socializing with the other 2 roommates (they coordinated kitchen supplies, they each went in 1/4 for a wide screen TV, etc), S1 and his friend pretty much stick together and the other 2 do their own thing. Overall it’s a good situation although there are dishes that the other 2 don’t do which causes some unhappiness for S1 and his friend.</p>
<p>There’s been no problem meeting other people in their college (engineering). The Cerro Vista lounge is a good place to hang out, and a lot of their classmates also live in the apartments.</p>
<p>S1, friend, and 3 other guys are all going to live off-campus together next year. I can imagine S1 and his friend sharing an apartment after they graduate in 3 (4?) years. They’re just really compatible.</p>
<p>So if the girls are good friends and there’s been no drama between them, and they both want to room together, I don’t see any issues. If your D really would prefer not to room with her friend, she should speak up. The campus isn’t that big - they can still hang out together whenever they want.</p>
<p>D and I discussed this in theory (none of her hs friends attended her school). I pointed out that if she roomed with a randomly assigned roommate or even someone met on facebook or at an admitted student’s event and it didn’t work out it could be bad. If she roomed with best friend from hs and it didn’t work out it would be WORSE than bad.</p>
What’ll they do with the TV?
Another word of advice - don’t buy anything together with the roomies. It’s a lot easier if one supplies one thing, the other something else, etc. that they can share then each take their own thing with them when they split up. If they buy something together they have to figure out how to settle up when they split up which can sometimes cause some discontent.</p>
<p>Since your daughter and her friend “won’t listen” to you or your suggestions about this matter, I’m not sure gathering our opinions is going to do any good, but I’ll offer another one anyway.</p>
<p>I think it depends on the personalities and interests of the students. My daughter will be rooming with a friend from hs who shares some of her interests (they have been teammates for some academic competitions), but this very nice young lady has never been one of her ‘best buddies’. They are planning to major in very different fields, and in fact will be in different colleges in the university; it seems likely they will have ample opportunity to develop other friendships and get involved in their own activities. </p>
<p>My husband and I could not be happier about this arrangement. The other girl is a very serious student, perfect straight A’s, a charming young woman who plans to major in engineering. She is neither a social dud nor a crazy party girl. We believe she will be a positive influence!</p>
<p>We would have a different opinion if our daughter or her friend were clingy types, or socially immature girls who find it hard to get involved in out of class activities. It sounds like this may be a factor in your daughter’s situation.</p>
<p>If you can bring it up without alienating your daughter, I think it might be a good idea to ask her how she plans to deal with the situation if her friend cannot become independent.</p>
<p>Finally, I had an atrocious roommate my freshman year in college. My niece found herself with a roommate who brought home strange men from downtown to spend the night on a regular basis. I don’t share your equanimity about the potential advantages of living with a complete stranger. My son’s freshman roommate was OK, but just OK; it worked out, but girls expect more (more sexist opinion here).</p>
<p>It sounds like the girls have already decided to room together. I wouldn’t recommend trying to get them to change their minds after they’ve already made the decision.</p>
<p>I would much rather my own daughter room with someone she knows (who shares similar values) than a stranger. I had better experiences in college and grad school rooming with people I knew in advance than those I didn’t. I also lived with each of my two sisters at two different times as an adult. One was a little messy, and the other had a boyfriend I didn’t like a lot–but I never had to worry about them doing drugs, smoking, drinking or stealing from me! </p>
<p>In my opinion, the reason it is preferable to live with someone you know is that you have a history with that person. If you’re moody one day, the other person knows that you aren’t always moody. If you have a misunderstanding, it is easier to work things out because you’ve worked things out before (and both parties have an incentive to try to do so, so their friendship won’t be ruined.)</p>
<p>The girls will have plenty of opportunities to meet others in college!</p>
<p>S1 and his best friend from h.s. lived together all four years of college. After the first yr. in the dorm they moved to an apt. and got 2 more roommates, one another friend fr. their h.s., the other a friend they met who’s from the other side of the country. That group stayed together for three years and got along great.<br>
They all graduated last May. S1 and best friend are still sharing an apt. now that they are out in the “real world” with jobs. </p>
<p>S2 roomed with his good friend as a freshman. They got along well. As sophs this year, they are still together in an off campus house along with two other guys, one who is from our town but didn’t go to their sch. and another from oos. The kid from oos is moving out in the Spring but will move in a house across the st. with two other guys who went to S2’s h.s. (their rent is cheaper). His place in S1’s house will be taken by yet another guy from their h.s. </p>
<p>Yes, my kid’s go/went to big instate u’s where tons of kids fr. our h.s. go.
It sounds as if they only associate with kids they already knew but that’s not true. They all have lots of friends from all over the state/country. They just keep taking new kids into their circle. </p>
<p>Both S’s say their are glad they went with a known quantity in a roommate.
I think it really is diff. with guys. Both S’s know girls who have not fared as well with their friends (but some who have been fine too)</p>
<p>I think that girls are so much different than boys in this situation. Girls are too emotional and drama filled (I know, I have one.) Boys go more with the flow and can work things out in a civil manner. I would never suggest to my D to live with any of her friends. Honestly, I think she is pretty much ready to move on and meet new people</p>