<p>DS doesn't seem to be too interested in researching colleges or filling out the necessary paperwork for applications. He's just dragging his feet, and the more I push, the dirtier the looks I get! I don't want him to wait until the last minute like he does with his homework, but he doesn't want to hear me nagging him anymore either. Did any of you have this problem with your senior?</p>
<p>All of us with S’s have faced this before.</p>
<p>As I see it you have four choices- be hyper-involved (call it secretary, scribe, project manager, whatever your nomenclature) to the point of helicoptering; outsource it (hire a private college counselor); wash your hands of the mess and tell him that if wants to go to college it’s on him-- and if he doesn’t apply anywhere and wants to fold sweaters at the Gap next year and live at home and pay you rent that’s fine by you; or sit him down and explain that unless he steps it up and gets the ball rolling, he can choose which of the former three options he wants to live with. But he needs to make an affirmative choice as to which of the three.</p>
<p>My experience is that they step it up if only because the other three options sound so hideous. He may not do it the way you would have done it; you may be grinding your teeth every night; but if he understands that if he doesn’t get started his helicopter mommy will swoop in and fill out the forms for him, he is likely to get going on his own.</p>
<p>Set some un-negotiable deadlines: You must hand the recommendation forms to your teachers and guidance counselor by X date with a list of where you are applying; you must send your SAT scores to your schools by Y date; if you need my help figuring out our EFC and vetting your list against our financial limitations we must have that conversation by Z date to give you time to add a financial safety to the list.</p>
<p>And then step back. I see so many young men floundering in college. Mommy was their project manager and organizer and tether to reality all through high school and once they move out they just don’t have the organizational skills to meet their deadlines on their own. You will do him a big favor by allowing him to step up to the plate.</p>
<p>I did pretty much what Blossom recommends. I told my son that there was no way I was going to just wash my hands, but that I was happy to schedule the nagging time. I also did one more thing. I insisted that he apply somewhere early action - that meant that he had the bulk of the work done by the end of October since he had several essays and Common Application filled out. It turned out one of his safeties had a special invitational (and extra simple) application if you applied early where they would notify you within a few weeks of the arrival of the first quarter senior year grades. That was great because he knew he had one acceptance before Thanksgiving, which helped ease the pain of both EA schools deferring him to the regular decision round.</p>
<p>The school and teachers did determine some dates as well as they were pretty clear about when they needed info.</p>
<p>I think I did every one of those styles that blossom described: helicoptered, hands off/slammed doors/etc, and mutual support. The best one was, of course, the mutual support. But, in all fairness, that’s really because I messed up the first two kids AND I was helping my easy kid. </p>
<p>I wished we had done the EA application, as mathmom described, because my stress level would have preferred that. The other aspect of the process I learned was to have agreements --before you’re innundated-- of what to do and how does what. </p>
<p>My son was fine about my “reminders” that he needed to get things done and he did them within the time I asked. But, life is complicated for most seniors, so it’s reasonable to share the load. There’s a lot to do and a lot to think about. In the end, he’ll find a college to go to next fall. But you also want to be sure he knows you love him. The relationship is important too.</p>
<p>There’s a great book by Julie Morgenstern called “Time Management from the Inside out”
Even if you don’t follow her plans it can help change the thinking pattern to make procrastination less of a problem.</p>
<p>
I’m going to read that, one of these days.</p>
<p>I think it’s important not to let your stress become his. DS#1 is a procrastinator. Always has been. Probably always will be. I knew going in that his applications would not go out much before the deadlines. Nothing wrong with that. I did remind him a few times through fall/winter of senior year about upcoming deadlines, but besides a few suggestions (“Wouldn’t Thanksgiving break be a good time to work on that essay?”), I left it up to him. DS#2 is so the opposite–he sent his first bunch of applications off around mid-September, and a few more off in early November. Check and done.</p>
<p>I think it’s important to point out to parents that haven’t been through this before to keep in mind that this is his senior year. It should be fun for both of you. I think way too many parents stress themselves and their kids into real unhappiness. So sad.</p>
<p>OP you have perfectly described my DS who is a freshman in college this fall. He is the ultimate procrastinator. He literally posted his applications at 11:53pm on the last possible date. It drove me crazy, but it is who he is.</p>
<p>I talked to him about the process and basically he agreed for me to be his personal secretary. I’m an organizer, so he was good with me organizing. Once he had the list of schools he was interested in I printed up a spreadsheet with deadlines, type of application (CA or school application), number of letters of recommendation needed, whether essays were needed, etc. Then I emailed it to him and printed it out for him. I did the same thing for scholarships he was eligible to apply for. </p>
<p>I also set up an email account for all things college related. He was happy for me to check this email acct for updates. I also created a log book for all online applications (ID/pw codes, etc–believe me there are a lot of them!!) This was my organization part.</p>
<p>He was responsible for completing applications, requesting letters of recommendation, transcripts, etc. He had to write the essays and decide who he wanted to show them to (english teacher, parents, no one, etc). He was able to focus his time on writing good essays and properly completing the college applications so they were a complete picture of him.</p>
<p>Then I had to be driven crazy by him waiting until the last possible minute on everything. He got each one done on the last possible date, but not without me reminding (nagging?) him about deadlines. He did thank me and also tell me to continue to remind (nag) him to get things done. He knows he puts things off.</p>
<p>All turned out well, but it was probably more stressful for me than him (which was fine). If I had left him to his own means I know he would have missed deadlines. He thought he missed a deadline on a scholarship and was mad at himself. Luckily for him, he had the wrong date. He’s the type of kid who works hard and gets good grades, but forgets things all the time. I can’t tell you how many times he texted me thru hs to bring him something he forgot at home (assignment, instrument, etc). This happened until the very end of school–I had to go to his locker on senior prom night because he left the tickets in his locker–he was rushing to finish getting ready. That’s who he is. On another thread we say “love the kid on the couch”. </p>
<p>So my advice is to talk to him and find out a balance. He has to be invested in the process, but the paperwork is intimidating. You can help out where he wants/needs you to. Ultimately he is the one who has to invest his time/effort or it’s not his accomplishment. Good luck!</p>
<p>Its so nice to hear that I am not the only mother facing this. All 3 of my boys are procrastinators, which shouldn’t be surprising since both his father and I do our share of stalling, putting off things etc. They all come through and at the end get that A, or get accepted, etc., but with long sleepless nights and lots of stress. (I can’t tell you how many times S1 or S2 stayed up all night long before an assignment was due.) I keep hoping their last experience will change them, but it never does. For S2 who is applying to colleges, I will make sure that I keep nagging so at least he has a few applications in before mid-October. For S1 I put together a folder of all scholarships he should apply for each month and he actually did send in a few, but didn’t receive any of these outside awards. I’m not sure how much nagging I’ll do for this for S2 to apply for outside scholarships because of S1 results…there is only so much I can nag!</p>
<p>VAMom,</p>
<p>That sounds just about what I’m doing but I’m not as organized as you! LOL</p>
<p>OP,</p>
<p>Sometimes, you have to let things go. For instance, my son began some physics research this summer and is continuing at the local uni. during the school year. I/he/we were hoping he could use the research to enter some big (or small) science competitions but I have put the onus on he and his physics prof/mentor…and it appears nothing will come of it. 
He just has an aversion to follow through and since I just don’t understand a thing about science competitions (other than me tracking down the name and websites of four of them), I cannot help. He’s meeting with his mentor tomorrow and I’ve given him some questions to ask but the ball is in his court.</p>
<p>1) You and S need to agree on a rolling admissions safety and then quickly turn in the application. </p>
<p>2) Explain to S that you will discuss college 24/7 or once/twice a week in 30 minute increments. His choice.</p>
<p>“My experience is that they step it up if only because the other three options sound so hideous.”</p>
<p>As a former male adolescent, I have to say I agree!</p>
<p>I love all your ideas - thanks so much! VAMom - can you come here and organize my kid too!?!</p>
<p>I’ll probably get around to posting some tips about dealing with procrastination in a week or two.</p>
<p>Bribes work well. I know this is probably not the best thing to do</p>
<p>“dragging his feet” ???</p>
<p>This is only September and the apps aren’t due for months. From my experience, I would call his behaviour normal. You should be having (or have had) discussions about what field he may want to study. Then, what colleges are within his reach that he may want to go to. </p>
<p>In a teenager’s mind, December and January deadlines are SO FAR AWAY as to not be of any consequence at this point. His friends may not be talking about colleges a lot yet. After all he just started his senior year. </p>
<p>Late September and all of October seems to be the time for a lot of college open houses. Attend some, talk about it in general terms. I believe that when it comes down to getting the applications done, he’ll do it. Known a couple of kids (ie. mine) that spent the Thanksgiving holidays writing and editing their applications and essays. </p>
<p>Just don’t wait to the last day, to complete the apps. It usually seems that a lot do and it bogs down the college’s server making it a real panic.</p>
<p>HPuck makes a good point, most kids won’t get serious about applications until after Thanksgiving. If you can get your kid started now, you are ahead of the game. Really. :)</p>
<p>I have some tips, but will have to tell you later. ;)</p>
<p>Sons made lists of schools, we made chart of due dates for everything and I reminded them of the dates on occasion. </p>
<p>My only demands were: </p>
<ol>
<li><p>They HAD to submit everything a week before each school’s due date. Servers chash, power goes out, blue screen of death appears, kid gets sick, snow/hurricane/emergencies cause school schedules to change, etc. They need a cushion.</p></li>
<li><p>They had to let one of us proofread the application with them before they hit the submit button.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>^@eastcoascrazy:</p>
<h1>1: We “advised” DD that this was the best approach.</h1>
<h1>2: We weren’t allowed even a peek.</h1>