We are about to embark on a 23 hour 1500 mile drive to drop off our dear son for his freshman year of college. Any tips or pointers for an emotional parent lol?
Focus on the positives! If you’ve gotten to this point you’ve done your job as parents!
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Know that you aren’t alone! But enjoy the trip. Some of the long trips with my kids to milestone events are the moments I’ll remember forever.
Don’t hang around too long. Let them fly. Honestly, I wasn’t emotional during the goodbye which was shocking to me. It was afterwards, walking by the empty room that was the kick in the gut. And the grocery store. That was a big trigger. Just know that it will happen, let it happen, and it gets better. You’ll adjust to the new normal.
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Tell him you love him and he “gots this”. Big hug and you go. He will be fine…
My other advice would be to just listen when you get some panic calls. Yes they will happen. Guide him but don’t do the work for him. My favorite response was “Don’t you think your counsler would know about X”… Lol.
BTW - You got this…
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Take tissues with you. 
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Whatever you do, don’t linger. Plan to be upbeat and confident that your child is capable of successfully dealing with whatever the next 4 years can throw at him.
You can weep to your heart’s content on the way home 
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Wonderful view! It hasn’t happened yet to us, and I will be devastated when it does. But this is exactly the right approach (based on my younger days!)
I tried to remember how I felt when I was dropped off at college. Here are a few suggestions:
–No crying (at least until you get to the car LOL.)
–Lots of positivity…(reiterate how proud you are, how they will have a great experience etc.)
–Help with room setup only to the extent they want.
–Let them know you will always be available if they need to talk.
–Leave at the right time…don’t hang on for that last bit when they are ready for you to go.
–Talk about what makes sense for future contact…ex. don’t text an hour after you leave.
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Our first is leaving tomorrow and her plan is to never move back in even though she loves us.
It’s harder than I thought - somehow i often assume that when it’s something everyone goes through then it should be easier. haha.
I’m going to try and lean in to the positives and allow myself to feel sad when I want to. 
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Thank you for all the thoughts, everyone! The advice has been consistent and I will do my best to follow most of it … I don’t know about the “no crying” rule though.
I am an epic crying kind of guy. I have cried watching tv commercials …. like the Dicks Sporting Goods commercial about a girl playing softball with her dad lol. I can’t promise anything regarding the tears!
I also have a daughter who is about to start her senior year of high school …… college applications, senior pictures and prom, etc. so she will help take the sting away …. until next summer when I have to drop her off at college. Thank you!
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My dd moved into her dorm yesterday. It is only 100 miles away, so we will see each other over the semester. Even so, there were tears (me) and a short and sweet goodbye. She practically pushed us out of the dorm once the major set up was done (she’ll decorate with roommate). She didn’t want to see me cry, she didn’t want to cry.
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I thought I would be a basket case. I was happy that they were excited and I saved my tears for the car ride home. My husband thanked me for holding it together. Agree with others not to drag it out.
It’s really important to remember this is about them. This is their journey. I still have to stop feeling sorry for myself when I think about my kid who lives overseas now and probably won’t live at home again. It’s about your kid. This is what we have prepared them for their whole lives.
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Have some nice plans for the LONG drive home. Some nice dinners, a few touristy things, etc. Make the trip home a fun trip for you parents.
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With one of my kids, I preferred to drop off after unloading, and going back the next day. This was based on his personality and difficulty with change. In fact I drove him to campus twice the previous summer and we walked around, look at his dorm etc.
Second one was an hour away- no big deal. Third one was 3-4 hours away and had been away from home a lot for dance programs. She basically waved bye 
I cried on the way home with the first one because I knew he suffered those first days. With the other two, no tears, much as I missed them.
I would do what you feel is best for that particular child. Colleges pressure parents to leave!
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You should be proud to be a crying type of guy: not enough of those in our world! It’s a trait I adore in a particular family member of mine because it’s a sign of love.
I thought I’d be a basket case. It’s been a couple of weeks and no tears have been shed on my side. I think it’s because when it’s summer term, it feels like it’s not “the real thing” yet, even though it’s across the country and I’ll see her for only two days before fall term. So I got lucky with that (won’t be the case for most parents).
Agree that shopping for food is a bit of a punch in the gut afterwards. (“Oh. Don’t need that anymore. Sigh.”)
If you cry, you cry. Everyone will see how much you love your kid. Including and especially your kid. No shame in that.
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Put a sweet note with some cash in an envelope under his pillow. If you want to know if he ever washes his sheets, put another one under the sheets on the mattress pad!!
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This is a great idea!
Cash always makes everyone feel better when it comes to college!
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Last year when we dropped off S21, we handled it a lot better than we expected. I think it was a mix of his excitement about embarking on a new adventure, meeting his roommate and family (who have turned out to be special…we chat with them regularly), and seeing the welcoming atomsphere at the university. My wife and son can get into silly arguments in this type of situations (just a stress manifest), but he very maturely anticipated the situation in this case and navigated the emotional minefield. To be honest I was happy seeing him happy and eager.
Back home, every now and then I would wander into his empty room and just sit there. But a funny thing happened. Early on the communication was sparse…we tried a weekly call but couldn’t always connect. As the academic year went on we felt him reach out more. Now he calls pretty regularly for quite lengthy talks. Part of it is summer (he stayed to do research and work), but I also think a big part is him appreciating home.
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This is a wonderful thread and so relevant to this community!
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