Anybody willing to critique my Common App essay?

<p>I just finished the second draft of my essay and was hoping that someone could give me some fresh insight on what to improve. I answered the prompt about the change to an adult (the last one I believe).
I'll PM it to you if you're willing to read it.</p>

<p>Thanks</p>

<p>I’ll read it! Do you think we could swap and I could PM you mine as well?</p>