Hi, my daughter is looking at some schools where she could apply either as day student or boarder. I am hoping to hear from anyone who attended a boarding school as a day student. How did you find the experience? Thanks!
I only have one child who attended boarding school and it was several states away so he wasn’t a day student.
Niece is a day student at Concord Academy, but that school has a high percentage of day students compared to a lot of other students. I think the experience day students have greatly depends on the school they go to. At Concord, day students fit in very well with the boarding students and they are a very close community. Day students can stay on campus for all three meals if they would like to. Niece plays soccer and there is built in time after academics for sports and other clubs. Day students have to be off campus by 9:30. I think half leave after 7:00 (when dinner is done) but if they have a big assignment some will stay in the library to work on it until 9:30. She really likes her school and the community they have and she’s happy being a day student. She says that it’s difficult to tell who is a day student and who is a boarder, and it’s nice for the boarding students to have their friends parents so close by.
So again, I think it depends on the school.
My son attends BS as a day student and loves it. Best of both worlds. His school is 70% boarding 30% day and he is there every day until 8 or 9 PM. When boarders go off to their dorms for study hall at 8, he goes home. He has lots of boarding and day student friends. He generally doesn’t go to school on Sundays - only. Saturdays he’s there until 8 or 9 pm too. He eats 3 meals a day there and is involved in all the same activities as boarders.
Of course, the experience is different - he’s not living away from home. But he has time for that when he goes to college…but the rest of the benefits of BS are identical for boarding and day: making friends with kids from all over the country/world, excellent teachers, facilities, programs, college counseling, sports, etc… If you can swing the commute, being a day student at BS is the optimal situation! For us, we live fairly close.
Groton has a relatively small day student percentage (12%). Many day students, especially those who live nearby, stay on campus through check-in in the dorm they’re affiliated with (9:45 or 10:00). As a boarder, I have a hard time telling who’s a day student and who’s not.
My DD is a day student at Choate. You can look up lots of comments about it on the “everything about Choate” thread. She loves it and has friends with about a 65/35 day/boarder ratio. This is mostly due to the fact that she hangs out in the day student lounge to do homework. There are some boarders who also hang out there, as it is more social than the dorms. Like the comments above, she stays on campus until about 9pm, 8pm when daylight savings hits and it gets dark at 5 (not to mention the coming snow…). We live pretty close, about 12 minutes away, and she, like everyone, eats all three meals on campus. She has more flexibility during the week as she does not have the dorm rules and leaving campus sign out rules. We take advantage of this by using weekends for museums, concerts, etc. She is on campus on Saturdays until noon or so. Good luck.
I’m a day student at Phillips Exeter, and there are definitely pros and cons to it. It’s about a 25 minute drive and my parents aren’t too happy with that sometimes. Many of the older students drive themselves so I imagine that makes it easier. A lot of clubs and extracurricular activities meet on Sundays and I don’t go, but that’s just me. A lot of other day students do. Most of my friends are other day students, but it’s not difficult to make friends with boarders, and hard to tell us apart. It’s great to be able to spend time with my family and eat meals together. I agree that it’s the best of both worlds, you just have to make it work for yourself and your family. 
best of luck!
My son is a senior day student at a school that is about 60% boarding, so I think it is easier to be a day student than at a school with a tiny day population. We live about 40 minutes away, and this is a drag (even now that he’s old enough to drive himself.) All students – day and boarding – have 20 meals a week included in tuition to keep the community cohesive, and he almost always stays for dinner. There are club meetings and late labs, from time to time, that happen after dinner, so it’s not unusual for him to be at school for 14 hours or so in a day.
The day students and boarding students are all friendly, and day students often stay in the dorms and boarders go home with day students (home-cooking!!) The day students have more freedoms (fewer whereabouts rules). There is a lot going on during the weekends, which is naturally and easily available to the boarders. Day students need to make an effort to go back to campus.
The boarders do seem to have a very strong bond with each other, and most of the my son’s closest friends are day students, so while they are all friendly, the difference in experience does seem to be reflected in the which relationships are tightest. There is more diversity in the boarding community in part because all the international students are boarders, but diversity overall is a huge plus for BS (regardless of whether you live there.) I think that many of the boarders have closer relationships with more adults on campus because they live together, but all of the adults are very nurturing and involved regardless of boarding status.
We’ve been really happy with how it’s all worked out. Much more independence is expected of all the students (and perhaps more distance is expected of the parents) at BS because most students do not have parents available to help with homework, etc. My son considered boarding for his last 2 years and ultimately decided that he was happy with the arrangement we had. As I said to him as he was laboring over that decision, though, this is one of those great situations in life in that whatever you choose, the outcome will be great.
My son is a day student at Deerfield-- which technically has a 12% day student population, but that includes faculty kids. Day students are assigned a dorm, can eat all meals on campus, and are always welcome to stay over night. Some stay over something like 4 nights a week; my son just stays if something is going on late or weather is very bad. He does stay most evenings, and is there some on weekends-- he just loves his own bed. Interestingly, most of his close circle of friends are boarders, although there’s one other day student in it. There is a day student lounge, but it seems that most of the kids who hang out there are mostly friends with other day students. My son does not like hanging out there himself, and he feels the kids who do end up feeling less integrated and more unhappy (he mostly hangs out with his group in whichever kid’s room has the biggest dorm room, or else in some cafe or comfy lobby space on campus). I DO hear about a couple day kids who are really really unhappy they’re not boarders-- although I think I heard more about this Freshman year. I think if the kid has an activity in which they’re very involved–a close sports team, a play, chamber music, etc., that gives them a natural “home” and they feel more integrated. A friend of mine has a daughter who is a day student at a school which is 60% day. Sure circle of friends are almost exclusively day students, and they do a lot together off campus (hang out at someone’s house, go in to town together). I think she’s just as happy as my son, but the percentage of day kids seems to make a big difference in how their social life plays out.