Anyone care to critique?

College Essays
1

<p>"Select one aspect of your background or one characteristic that reflects who you are, and write a one-page essay on how that aspect or characteristic will allow you to succeed as a student and contribute to the diverse community at _____."</p>

<p>This is for a scholarship at my choice school. I know diversity doesn't only pertain to race, but it was the only thing I could come up with. Let me know if you'll critique, I'll PM it to you. Thanks!</p>

2

<p>I’ll critique it for you.</p>

3

<p>Ok thank you! I didn’t realize I hadn’t made enough posts on here so I’m just gonna spam this thread</p>

4

<p>My essay’s to long right now, and it gets a bit rambley.</p>

5

<p>I’m thinking of rewriting it completely, maybe not doing the race topic. It’s cliche, and the scholarships is for minorities, so it’s not like they don’t know I’m a minority already</p>

6

<p>two more posts…</p>

7

<p>and now I can PM it :)</p>