Anyone care to help with/look over my commonapp essay?

College Essays
1

<p>I'm writing an essay on prompt #1, "Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story."</p>

<p>I'm writing about how for six months after my parents divorced, my mother became absentee and I had to take care of my two sisters and how that point in my life helped me become who I am today. </p>

<p>My essay needs <em>a lot</em> of work. It needs to sound happier and it needs to flow better, but I don't really know how to do it. :/ I'm pretty much stuck right now with this essay and have no idea what else to write about.</p>

<p>So if you could look over my essay and give me ANY tips to make it sound better, I'll PM it to you!</p>

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<p>I’d be happy to give you some feedback. :)</p>

3

<p>I’ll bite :)</p>

4

<p>PM it to me :)</p>

5

<p>bump10char</p>

6

<p>I’d be happy to check it over</p>

7

<p>Same! message it to me!</p>

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<p>Meee!!! :d</p>

9

<p>i’ll read it</p>

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<p>Thanks again to everyone for looking over my essay! Everyone has been really helpful. :)</p>