<p>With all of these celebration threads, one feels sheepish about asking for a shoulder...my S's not happy with his few acceptances, which happen to be decent schools, but none right up his alley. Got rejected or WL-ed at his top choices...don't want him to head off to school with a "sloppy seconds" attitude, but I do feel for him, he was so jazzed a few weeks ago, now, the blahs have set in. Anyone else going thru similar?</p>
<p>Mikemac's thoughts might help.</p>
<p>I would tell him college admission is such a crap shoot, highly qualified candidates have been rejected for one reason or another. Make the best of the opportunity you have. My S was
not selected for an internship position at school and was down for a while only to have another one waiting for him that was much more suited. He may blossom with high grades and be well postioned for grad school if he chooses. Unless he has compelling reason it will put him over the top,I don't favor taking gap year only to get hopes up falsely and be rejected again one yr later. Transfer might be an option.</p>
<p>Wow, the Mikemac piece is terrific, and so true...thanks for the link! I'll send to DS!</p>
<p>We were fortunate in that my son's top two choices were "safety" schools. We encouraged him to apply to some match/reach schools and in retrospect we should have left well-enough alone. The results of that have been discouraging to us (fortunately not to him - his reaction has been one of "I didn't really like the school anyway). One of his "safety" schools is very techy and he will be very challenged there. I originally had concerns about the other, but after exhaustive research, we are feeling very comfortable that it provides an environment where he would thrive. Right now he is leaning toward the technical school - after a visit, he thought the other one was too social for his tastes. Has your son visited the schools that he was accepted to? Especially if he can attend an overnight, he may really end up being very happy about his choices. We are happy that my son has two great choices and on top of that, both fit in our budget. I have to say, this college search has been a real eyeopener. Being a top student doesn't mean too much. You need to have some hook or live in the right neighborhood. Unfortunately, my son had neither going for him. Good luck to your son.</p>
<p>I don't like this whole "reach/match/safety" game that our kids have to go thru but unfortunately, there's no way around it. With more and more kids applying to 10-20+ different schools, colleges have more kids to choose from. Those who are doing the choosing are "mere mortals" who will make mistakes (lots of mistakes) and there is little recourse. </p>
<p>I hate to think that there are smart kids out there who are heartbroken because they didn't win the top-tier lottery -- and a lottery it is. </p>
<p>With so many kids going to college, it's time to "rethink" this 1st tier, 2nd tier, etc hierarchy. After all, the top choices are small privates who don't take many students. </p>
<p>Just think about it. Time after time we've been told that the ivies could each fill an entire second class of freshman with equal stats. If that is true, imaging how many profs who are qualified to teach at an Ivy but who have had to go teach at other schools. Certainly there are thousands of profs who were "qualified" to teach at Ivies but, because of numbers, were not hired. Those profs are teaching elsewhere. Go there and be happy.</p>
<p>I agree with you that a lot of top kids do get the short end of the straw. Perhaps their apps didn't quite have that wow-factor. I don't know if this is normal, but I see a lot of the same kids accepted to the top schools so there is likely going to be a lot of movement from the waitlists, but it just isn't worth playing that game with those schools. We are starting over with child number 2 - female, not quite the grades of her brother (and it's not that she is a horrible student, she is still a great student), so it is going to be a lot tougher for her. I think we are going to do this quite differently. We unfortunately are middle class, with no hooks so her results are likely to be more disappointing with the top ranked schools that everyone is chasing. I think we are going to concentrate on some of the "lower ranked" schools that seem to offer a lot to the students, have great professors and cost a lot less than $45,000, and be content with that. If she wants to try one higher ranked, that will be fine, but certainly not more than that. We are going to stick with the safeties and not play this game.</p>
<p>palermo:</p>
<p>I agree completely...</p>
<p>My son is slowly losing interest in applying to "reach" schools. He is going to stick with "matches" and "safeties" and be happy with acceptances to most or all.</p>
<p>I see my daughter doing the same thing jlauer, and I'm relieved. She was all jazzed about MIT but she's almost dropped the idea of applying because she wants the option of pursuing liberal arts if she decides to. She may end up in something like history or psychology and MIT isn't a fit for that. I know they say they offer it, but it's not really where the focus is and for those reasons she wants to look at schools that aren't primarily technical. </p>
<p>As I said, I'm relieved. The silver lining to all this admissions hysteria is that the kids are around it for a few years and see their older friends go through it and by senior year they are quite realistic about where they have a shot.</p>
<p>I had forgotten about this until this morning. At one of the LACs my son visited, the admissions person asked if there was anyone from Montana. The school was dying for a person from that state (all other states apparently were represented). At the top LACs, they can set what ever criteria they want for selecting students. Our kids (and us - sometimes it is harder on the parent) can't take rejection/waitlist personally. It is very frustrating when you see someone post how their child got into a reach school with stats below average. Obviously that child had something unusual which made them stand out in the process. Being smart, talented, etc is not enough today. It is even worse if you are applying to schools in your region. I would venture that there were 50 students from our community applying to many of the same schools as my son. If they are going to only take one or two of them, the acceptance rate might only be 1% from that particular community. You need some unique hook to fill that unique, unknown need that the top schools want filled. Proudma, tell your son not to take things too personally. Since he is a bright kid, he will flourish whereever he goes to school. Good luck and hope he now knows he is not alone - there are likely many bright, talented kids who fell through the cracks. The schools that accepted them are the lucky ones.</p>
<p>My #1 son (current college senior) and #3 (current high school senior) were both waitlisted from their #1 schools. My eldest saw the writing on the wall and knew it wasn't going to happen. He was pretty angry for a few days, but then moved on and is very happy where he ended up.</p>
<p>Younger son is disappointed and would I think he wants to try and get off the waitlist. But it will require him to essentially put together more information and write a very good letter - things he doesn't really have time for. Even though he has several excellent choices, he is not excited. </p>
<p>But this, too, shall pass. We need to give them time to mourn their losses and to start picturing themselves somewhere else. Also, for many of these kids there are a ton of things going on at high school still that makes focusing on September all that more difficult. So give him some time. By August, he will be more excited and accepting of the situation. And my guess is, that by December, you will have forgotten that this was even an issue.</p>
<p>I think reach match safety can all be nearly identical schools-- they're just: </p>
<p>reach = urban; new england, mid atlantic, or Ca
match = urban; south or mid west; rural new england
safety = the sticks-- outside new england</p>
<p>If we let our kids know that selectivity is based largely on location, location, location-- but that the school experience can also be great in odd locations, maybe they'd realize they are losing out on Boston or Manhattan, but will still have a great time in college.</p>
<p>^^^ LOL</p>
<p>And the funny thing is, some in the New England area want to "get out" and see another part of the country so their reaches are elsewhere.</p>
<p>Proudma,
a friend's D was rejected/wl'd by all of the more competitive schools she applied too, and was only accepted by her mom's alma mater - a very good LAC. The girl cried all the way there ... and but by the time a few months had passed, couldn't imagine herself anywhere else. I am going to guess that your S will come around <em>much</em> faster (the girl is a bit of a drama queen), and then the rejections will be all water under the bridge.</p>
<p>In the short term, however, brownies with chocolate chips might help. Virtual hugs to you and him both - this is a stressful time of year!</p>
<p>When you add up the numbers of how many freshman each of the top schools accept (and most are private and therefore small), there are surprisingly few "reach" spaces available to our nation's kids (and some internationals, too). No wonder we read post after post of kids who got rejected/WL at several or most of the reach (and some match) schools that they applied to. It is especially sad (is that the right word) to see that some kids have acceptances to 2 or more ivies!!! One can't help but feel bad for the ones who received only ivy rejections. I know I'm just rambling.... I just think that these kids are so young to be going thru such a public rejections.</p>
<p>When my son first started putting his list together, his first two choices were safety schools. Everyone kept telling us, that he should be looking at better schools. Well, that sure backfired - rejected at one, waitlisted at the other. At least he is very happy with his safety schools.</p>