<p>So a friend's parent, or a family friend who has kids you know your age starts talking to you about colleges and stuff. They start talking about their own kid who's applying to colleges too. So the conversation goes like this:</p>
<p>Person: yeah, my kid's applying to some pretty good schools, hard to get into. Really likes SUNY Binghamton, and Stonybrook. Rutgers and Northeastern are up there too. Where are you applying?
you: Insert list of ivies and other top 15 schools.
Person: Oh...good for you.</p>
<p>It wouldn't be so awkward except for the fact the person seems so excited about their own kid's aspirations and then they make that face that gives the impression that they're now a bit upset because you "overshadowed" their kid in a way. And you can tell that one of the reasons they started up their conversation with you in the first place is so that they can brag (it's a parent thing). This has happened to me, and then you're kind of stuck there in a weird awkward silence or whatever because neither of you know how to further the conversation. </p>
<p>Yah, it happens with friends too really. I usually just drop any really top schools off my list (I'm not top par Ivy material, so it's not too bad).</p>
<p>Be gracious -- say "it is such a nerve wracking time of year -- and everything from community college to an Ivy is a possibility. Now I don't know that much about (school parent mentioned) -- tell me why that is on your darling Percival's list. And which one do you think is a terrific fit for darling Percival?" The parent/student clearly wants to talk about their world, so let them. </p>
<p>Also, take a page from any politician -- if they don't like the question they were asked, they boldly change it to one they DO want to answer. As in "Oh, we've declared the college shopping list off limits at our house this week, but I would love to tell you about our recent trip to the shoe museum. It was the most amazing experience . . . "</p>
<p>But dropping superior colleges, expenses, experiences or connections is . . . rude. Don't do it. Treasure that sister or brother of the soul that you do find -- the parent whose kid is at your kid's level -- and speak frankly with them. Otherwise, QUIETLY count your blessings and don't undermine someone else's happiness.</p>
<p>"Person: yeah, my kid's applying to some pretty good schools, hard to get into. Really likes SUNY Binghamton, and Stonybrook. Rutgers and Northeastern are up there too. Where are you applying?
you: Insert list of ivies and other top 15 schools. "</p>
<p>Surely you have a safety or two in your list. You say one of your reach schools, adding something like you know it's a reach, but you like to dream, then you say your safety school (not mentioning it's a safety), offer best wishes to the other person's kid, say something complimentary about them or where they are applying, and then change the subject.</p>
<p>Another way to handle it is to say, "It's such a competitive year, and I'm so stressed out about it that I would prefer not to list my schools. It just adds to my anxiety. Your kid's list is interesting. What is s/he looking for out of her/his college experience?"</p>
<p>Or you could change the subject completely to, "How have your holidays been?"</p>
<p>By now, you know how people will react to your list, so you should be able to create a way of avoiding their reactions.</p>
<p>Be aware, too, that if you end up going to an Ivy, for the rest of your life, you'll have to tactfully cope with people who react similarly to what you've been experiencing by simply applying.</p>
<p>I recently spent a day with a new friend who is a college professor at a 3rd tier after attending a 2nd tier college. Because of her job, we spent a lot of time talking about education including how she teaches her students, who are mainly first generation college students. We also talked about her own college and graduate school experiences ,and a bit about mine (without my naming my college).</p>
<p>Toward the end of the day, she asked me where I had gone to undergrad. I dropped the H bomb. An awkward silence resulted.</p>
<p>I had to then gracefully change the subject.</p>
<p>Unless asked point blank where I went to college or unless I'm around people who are likely to have gone to top colleges, I tend to say something vague like "in the Boston area" and usually people aren't interested enough to inquire further.</p>
<p>Yeah, I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me. Once or twice out of honest curiosity I've asked how a friend's college applications were going, only to be told they're going to community college/fashion school/straight into the work force. Then of course they wonder where I'm applying, and it gets a little awkward. I've learned to leave out the Ivies on my list and just give my safety school.</p>
<p>I've played with that idea too - if I got into an Ivy, would I really want to deal with people's reactions to my college for the rest of my life? For a dream school I think the answer would still be yes. :P</p>
<p>Be aware, too, that if you end up going to an Ivy, for the rest of your life, you'll have to tactfully cope with people who react similarly to what you've been experiencing by simply applying.</p>
<p>I think this is a rather interesting point, Northstarmom. Here on CC, the number of people apply/going to top colleges abound and it's easy to forget that this sort of frenzy about college applications to the nation's most difficult to get into colleges really only applies to maybe 2-3% of the nationwide, graduating senior class. </p>
<p>But I also understand this awkwardness and I've yet to find a way to truly avoid it (I don't think anyone really does). Lots of people, whether they be parents or classmates, like to talk about college. Somewhat recently, some parent I know struck up a conversation about colleges. The person's child was recently accepted to a tier 2 school and he was excited to talk. So, when he asked me where I applied/if I heard back from anywhere yet, I couldn't avoid saying that I had gotten into Stanford. There was the initial congratulations, but then things got awkward and I tried to turn the conversation towards his kid and his accomplishments, but it was still a bit awkward.</p>
<p>Focus the conversation back to the other person. Or, think about an even more awkward conversation you've had. I think about the conversation I had when I ran into my ex girlfriend around town. Once you put things into perspective, you realize it isn't so bad.</p>
<p>"I'm applying to a LOT of places, but I won't have any idea where I get in until March or April anyway" haha</p>
<p>If they come back, still persistent with "Yeah, but where MIGHT you get in?"
I usually say something like "Oh, (insert mid-range, top 15-50 schools here) and a few Ivies, but those aren't likely"</p>
<p>I don't even list the Ivies (although I applied to several) because I know how unrealistic it is to think that I'll actually end up at one. Instead, I mention the school I'm most likely to go to. I think it's helped me to accept and even get excited about what will happen if I don't get into any reaches in April.</p>
<p>"I think this is a rather interesting point, Northstarmom. Here on CC, the number of people apply/going to top colleges abound and it's easy to forget that this sort of frenzy about college applications to the nation's most difficult to get into colleges really only applies to maybe 2-3% of the nationwide, graduating senior class. "</p>
<p>When one's on CC, it's also easy to not realize that people in general may even react with envy, etc. when one mentions that one has applied to or has gone to one's flagship public even if that flagship isn't a top 100 school.</p>
<p>Years ago, I was flamed by parents on another site's college message board because I said that my older son was "going to a Big 10 school." The other posters thought that I was showing off. That's because their kids were mainly going to community colleges and colleges that aren't in any well known athletic league.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, S was going to U. Minn., a place that would be considered on CC to be barely worth noticing even though it's a flagship.</p>
<p>Frankly, when most people ask me where I applied I outright lie and just say "oh just to state flagship 1 and state flagship 2". I don't want everyone to know where I applied because I don't want to have to tell people that I got rejected or that I am turning it down for a "lower" school (and therefore have to "explain" myself.) Honestly I do not see the point in broadcasting my OOS choices- I feel like I'm bragging when I do it, and I don't know why other people have to know anyway. Out of all my friends, only one knows that I applied OOS because he wrote me the "peer recommendation" that I needed. </p>
<p>If it makes you feel uncomfortable to share, I say don't share. In my opinion, I would prefer to surprise people with an unexpected acceptance to a school they didn't know that I applied to than to have to say "no, I didn't get in there." Of course I could always lie about acceptances- but that's another story ;)</p>
<p>Wow, y'all are some weirdos. I tell 'em everything. The safeties, the matches, the reaches. I would find it insulting if someone left off a college from their list to "be nice". I prefer honesty over modesty, because modesty, 95% of the time, itself comes off as bragging, because people do it wrong.</p>
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When one's on CC, it's also easy to not realize that people in general may even react with envy, etc. when one mentions that one has applied to or has gone to one's flagship public even if that flagship isn't a top 100 school.
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<p>This is so true. I got into a pretty awkward moment with a guy on a plane a couple months back when I mentioned my alma mater was U Florida (we were on a plane to Tampa) and I started getting quizzed by him like what my SAT's were, where I went to high school, middle school, elementary school, etc because his kid was going to some gifted school in the area and he wanted to size me up with how his kid was going to turn out. A similar incident happened with my own doctor and he flat out said "yeah I used to hate guys like you in college that went to U Florida while I only went to U South Florida".</p>
<p>Thankfully, Florida's Average Joe doesn't know what Georgia Tech is so I get a lot less crap. I welcome "oh that's nice" far more than "oh, you're one of those smart guys".</p>
<p>rsxwheeeeee, I agree entirely. It might be the questioner or the responder, but at some point, in most cases, there's a person in search of dignity. I remember once, when I was attending a college holiday gathering for one of my daughter's prospective schools, the father of one girl attending, who had already been admitted ED, was talking about his son and, when I asked him where his son was going to school, he answered with what seemed a completely self-satisfied gleam, "Stanford." Well, I just looked at him and said, "Oh, Stanford, I've heard of that; that's somewhere in Oregon, isn't it?" You should have seen his eyes glaze over. It probably would have been worse had he known that in the Bay Area in which I grew up, much to the chagrin of those who live and die by USNWR, Berkeley is the school of note--Stanford has always been considered a worthy but somewhat upstart institution.</p>
<p>I'm going to have to disagree with pennypac on this one. I'm a current resident of the Bay Area, and even the adults without children know the raw prestige of Stanford. That is not to say that we consider Berkeley a poor school, but Stanford is still exclusively for the cream of the crop. On another note, most families here are only educated in the so-called California Hierarchy, which looks like: Stanford, Berkeley, UCLA, UCSD, and so on. I believe it's a common misconception that you are put into the school based on your intellect and that a UCLA student is always inferior to a Cal student. It turns out that 53% of cross admits choose UCLA</p>