Anyone else had the first tearful phone call?

<p>I've been reading and taking notes. Haven't gotten a tearful phone call yet, but I called her yesterday (mistake) and got an earful of "childish people, no idea why I'm even here, classes won't start until Wednesday, orientation stupid and lasts hours every day, etc."</p>

<p>This was at 11 a.m. Then she tells me that she overslept, missed breakfast and hadn't eaten anything yet, just sat through 2 hours of orientation stuff, and hadn't had any coffee! No wonder she's in a bad mood! But I just listened. </p>

<p>Her boyfriend has been out of cell phone range for the past six days -- and is 10 hours away -- so she's also going through total boyfriend withdrawal and is sad about that. Today is the day she will probably talk with him for the first time in a week, and I am dreading the fallout from that. I worry that it will be good, and she'll want to leave where she is and go where he is to be with him and be happy, or that it will be bad and she'll want to leave where she is and go where he is to get it BACK to happy. I have quite a bit of fear about this phone call and the outcome of it. </p>

<p>Also worried about the late start of classes. Why do this thing right before a long weekend? Makes no sense. Arrive on Thursday, orient 2 days and then have 2 days to flounder? Plus Tuesday is her scheduled day off, so her classes wont' start until WEDNESDAY. So today being Sunday, she now has 3 DAYS in which to wonder what to do and wish she weren't there. </p>

<p>Okay, now I'VE vented! Thanks for listening! :-)</p>

<p>I left for college exactly 30 years ago this week. I'd never really been away from home before, more than a week's trip with my synagogue youth group. I had my own bedroom at home, a car my father very generously shared with me, and am 6 years older than my only sibling. I was NOT (and still am not) a very good sharer! I was in a suite with 5 other girls, 2 to a bedroom. It was a handicapped-access room, so everything was oversized and spacious. It was on the 1st floor of a 3 story building. Unfortunately, everyone else on our hall was severly disabled. I am, and always have been, an advocate for the disabled's rights.... but.... I was 17, and seeing all these disabled people every day with their aides (one guy, a very nice guy, was so severely CP that he couldn't even use a wheelchair -- he was confined to a gurney bed. And even went to classes this way). It was just depressing. Here I was, this NYC girl.. in a bedroom with a girl from so far upstate NY that I'd never heard of it. I grew up on subways and busses.... she & her 11 siblings literally built their farmhouse by hand. Needless to say, we had nothing in common. I can't even remember the other 4 girls in the suite.</p>

<p>I was miserable. I called home crying every night. Every day. Every in-between. My portion of our 6 way phone bill was nearly $100 a month. If I wasn't calling home, I was calling my friends at other colleges. My parents have later admitted that (pre-caller ID) they'd just stopped answering the telephone when they thought it coul.d be me!</p>

<p>Somehow, I found a job at the campus newspaper. I learned to type, and began working 2 nights a week, through the night. Eventually, I became production manager for the entire paper. I met people I had things in common with. The opportunity arose for 2nd semester to move in with a girl I knew from HS. We weren't friends in HS, but, I figured, it couldn't be worse than where I was. Turned out fine. We stayed friends through college (at home, she lived 2 blocks away from me). I became good friends with my new suite-mates. I met other people in my classes and became good friends with him. I went out with friends, dated, the whole thing.</p>

<p>I still wasn't totally happy. But it was ok, and I knew it was what I SHOULD be doing. The phone calls home got less intense. Things got better when I moved off-campus Junior year, in an apartment with 2 other girls. Finally my own bedroom (a converted pantry off the kitchen!) I stayed the summer between Jr. & Senior year, to avoid going home to an on-again off-again relationship (which continued that way for 2 more years). Ended up graduating 1 semester early.</p>

<p>Upshot? No, I didn't make any life-long friends in college. Some stayed in touch, two were at my wedding 5 years after graduation. The internet has fostered sporadic contact with some people, but nothing permanent.</p>

<p>I look back on college, not as the best years of my life, but an ok experience, after a very rocky start. I'm still, ultimately, glad I stuck it out. It was still better than the alternatives. And I've never been a quitter, so telling myself that forced me to continually try to find new activities and new friends to better the experience.</p>

<p>Now.... did this cloud sending off my own son 2 years ago? Sure it did. But I didn't tell him, EVER! He had a pretty bad social life in HS, but things in college have been great for him.</p>

<p>I fear S2 (now a HS Senior) will have an experience much closer to my own. He has a great social life in HS. His best friends have been just that since early elementary school. But he's very reluctant to try things out of his comfort zone. Every summer at overnight camp was tough, until he settled in... usually 1/2 way through. A 3 week teen travel tour was a disaster. But he wants to go away to college. I just need to motivate him. Now that school starts tomorrow, and his summer fun is ended, I'm hoping we can delve into the essay/application process....</p>

<p>Wish me luck.</p>

<p>
[quote]
Do you think that with all the hoopla around college admissions, Ivy schools, etc. expectations have been set too high for what the college experience really is?

[/quote]
and also how incedibly personal and different it is for each individual heading to college ... some kids jump in and are happy from the get go ... some are happy at first and hit bumps later ... some take a week or two to settle in ... some take a semester or a full year to settle in ... some are at the wrong school ... and some might have been better off waiting to head to school. As a parent I hope to "hear" my kids clearly and help them work through their individual transitions as best they can in a way they grow and find their path. As someone who had a tough time in my late teens I think the college transition is particularly challenging and frought with unrealistic expectations ... but a process millions of kids have made it through just fine and which our kids will also.</p>

<p>It's been 6 days since my last post and my S (sophmore transfer) is now sounding content about his decision. It took about 4 days for him to sound enthusiastic about anything but we are more and more optimistic that this was the right decision for him. We just kept advising him: to remember that any change takes time, to have patience, to get involved, to step out of your comfort zone and suggest getting together with new people, and to join organizations /clubs as soon as possible! Having been on the receiving end of of months of heartbreaking telephone calls last year, I am selfishly grateful that this years adjustment has gone quickly. One other thing - last year we often told our son to have faith in his ability to handle anythiing for a few months. If he can do this, I think he'll be in good shape to handle any of the ups and downs of college life and beyond!!!</p>

<p>I spoke too soon. I just got off the phone with my son. He is frustrated about some registration and scheduling issues. Things are not going smoothly and now he is feeling that these things would not be happening at the old school. Plus he says he is lonely and if he were back at the old school he would be having a good time with his old friends. I just keep telling him all of the things I've said before. Trying to sound upbeat and certain that things will be fine. Patience, Patience, Patience!</p>

<p>Bunksmom, my D has been on campus almost 2 weeks. She is extremely fortunate in that she is rooming with a friend from the old school - but they really wish they could get to know more people than just each other. Each is working toward finding her own niche, and it's going slowly. On top of that, there is a new campus to navigate, new rules to learn, etc. It's a bit overwhelming. It sounds like your S switched schools for a reason - so I think he will feel good about things once he gets into the groove of things. It will probably take a few weeks (maybe more). Just be there for him & let him know it WILL get better. Hugs to both of you.</p>

<p>Kelsmom and anyone else reading this thread-- We are all so connected to our children that we are sometimes accused of living vicariously through them. I don't think that this is the case for most of us. We simply want them to be happy and to do well. When we send our kids away from home we are entrusting them to an institution that is relatively anonymous and we are giving our kids the riens to ride along into the future. We sit at home waiting to be asssured of their happiness. If we get the nod then we can move on, If we don't ,then we know we are in it for the longer haul. I will continue to support my child, giving him all the standard reassurances, but it always helps to know that we our not alone. Our story is not uncommon. I wish all of those who are reading this thread and dealing with something similiar, the best. Thanks and Hugs backs!!</p>

<p>Well, this wasn't exactly a tearful phone call, but I thought it as kind of amusing. S2 called me from Target. He said that it turns out the food he bought to have in his dorm isn't anything he likes to eat, so he asked me what he could buy that he would like to eat. I had a pretty good laugh about that (privately, after telling him what to buy that he will eat). :)</p>

<p>^^^Love it.</p>

<p>DH has been taking S out grocery shopping for dorm food just so we wouldn't get that "I'm STARVING!" phone call! After he goes through the inital supplies, though, we'll see how he makes out.</p>

<p>I'm expecting the washing machine to do him in, just because it'll be different than the one he knows how to use at home.</p>

<p>Timely, I love it!!</p>

<p>Okay - how's this for a weepy phone call? DD calls in near-hysteria because she missed her first philosophy class - she was there in plenty of time but she had written down the wrong classroom number. As a result she was 10 minutes late for the class, and by the time she arrived the door was locked.</p>

<p>Anyway, I convinced her it was no big deal - she should contact the teacher to get the syllabus and besides, until drop-add is over the class list will be in flux! I'm glad it was something that was easily "fixed"......</p>