<p>Ditto to ordinary: it’s surprising the effects of different brands. They seem similar but are not.</p>
<p>Our family has even found differences between generic and name-brand BC pills that were supposedly the same formulation, when it comes to affecting mood. In one case, the name brand had no effect on mood but the generic was bad news (and normally I’m all about buying generics!)</p>
<p>Thank you - I’ll call the MD’s office, and D is going to check with the U’s clinic to see if she can get a different prescription there.</p>
<p>Birth Control Pills!!! Thank you!!!
My DD also started them, only about 10 days or so before she left. Maybe that is part of what is making her feel so blue!</p>
<p>In high school, she took pride in being different, being nerdy, caring about her grades. But here, if someone makes any kind of comment to her, she is near tears. I have to talk to her about the pills! </p>
<p>Things are not really better. She had a moment with one of her roommates, they started singing show tunes and were loving it, and she texted that that was more like she imagined things would be like.
But at 11:30 that night, her two roommates gave money to a boy to go buy alcohol, and they stayed up doing shots all night. DD went to the study lounge and read, then came back and went to bed. They all had an 8:30 class. They all made it, one was late but made it, and after class, the two of them had to go back and sleep. While they slept, my daughter bought tickets to a Broadway show for tonight and spent time at her work/study job, and was feeling pretty good about herself, not needing to sleep off a hangover.</p>
<p>Counseling appt today, haven’t heard from her. She was supposed to just be calling to set an appt for a later time, but as she put it, ‘breaking down on the phone’ made them find her an appt for today. Sigh.</p>
<p>LeftyLou - I hope that your D feels a bit better after talking to the counselor. There must be others at her school that she can find to connect with who are similar to her. NYC is a wonderful city and I will cross my fingers that your D will be able to get past this difficult time and find others who enjoy the Broadway shows, etc like she does.</p>
<p>Just a word of caution regarding the drinking. My D had a roommate last year who was passed out and non responsive from drinking and the other roommates just wanted to leave her alone. My D insisted on getting the RA. An ambulance was called and the girl had to go to emergency. This happened twice in two weeks with the same girl. The girl was angry with my D, but D stood her ground and said that since she was not responsive (everyone in their apartment tried to get her to wake up) D was getting help because she didn’t want to be the one to find her dead.</p>
<p>Leftylou: I’m glad your D got that appointment. It sounds like she has had really bad luck in the roommate department. Has she checked to see if she can made a housing change? It’s very difficult for a studios student to live with partiers, especially kids who party during the week. I’m really sorry that she’s having such a tough time.</p>
<p>I hope that things improve for the other kids who are struggling. This is a huge transition for our kids. A lot of kids take time to settle in and feel comfortable. Most of the kids that I’ve know who had issues worked them out within a few months. I know that it’s tough for a parent when your child is unhappy. Hang in there.</p>
<p>Best wishes to everyone this morning.</p>
<p>D has really taken our talk on Sunday to heart - I know she is trying to be more balanced in what she says. I also do think we’re past some kind of volcanic PMS that she couldn’t control. She is stopping the pills, will try a do-over when she’s back here, maybe not even until spring if that’s what it takes. After one month we all feel it is not necessary to stay the course, and she is not using them for actual BC.</p>
<p>She hasn’t spoken of the roommate the past few days - I think she knows that in her case it is a fish-or-cut-bait situation that is only at “very annoying” on the grand scale. I do feel for kids where the roommate problem truly interferes with their health and their ability to do their work. I think strong action should be taken in those cases.</p>
<p>We’re still trying to find out what works in communication. On Sunday I had said to H that I thought there was too much connecting, that I should pull back. It wasn’t extreme - but we were FB chatting or text chatting every day, but only once; I’d love her to be so busy and happy that she’d forget all about me for a day (or even a week!), but that’s probably not her style, at least not yet. When I’d asked her on the phone that night if she thought we should cut down our communication, if talking to me was spurring the complaints or aggravating her mood, she said no, that it did help, that she’d rather try to make our little chats better than reduce them. That’s fine; for now I’m just treading lightly, only starting conversations if there is actual news or a question (which has been daily still because of some practical matters). We’ll get the hang of it, and as I’ve said the tone is already much improved.</p>
<p>This week I’ve sent her two packages, which have included some things she realizes she needs, including more cookware. She’s gradually setting her life up in a way that’s more comfortable for her - like a couple of these kids being less dependent on the dining hall will really help her a lot. And her program is getting more in gear - they’re casting the freshman workshop play soon. She’s nervous about that, but I think she’s taking that more in stride since that’s always stressful (no idealism there!). </p>
<p>She’s also almost assuredly going into the City this weekend, finally! I think if she’d had the chance right away she could have kept in perspective why living where she is was such a great choice. Better late than never.</p>
<p>Lefty - is your D in performing arts, too? Wow, at her campus she sure has an exciting escape from that dorm room! But I can understand that one does need sleep and a place to relax, for goodness’ sake. My D loves cities but after several trips decided Manhattan was just too intense for her 24/7. These past few weeks as she’s been struggling with various logistics she’s felt a bit too isolated, though - her campus is just a bit TOO suburban for her taste. Ah, the art of balancing pros and cons … </p>
<p>But I think being just outside ultimately will be just fine for her - especially once she breaks the ice and goes in. This weekend they are going to the Broadway Flea Market, which sounds like pure heaven. I think after a trip or two with friends she’ll be ready to pop in regularly even if she has to go by herself. </p>
<p>We’ll see if we hit another low at some point, but for now we seem to be cresting a little bit. I’m grateful - I have to admit, I needed the break!</p>
<p>This is pretty much a cut and paste from the other thread but wanted to share here too.
My D’s ankle is improving slightly and her stomach troubles ended when she reduced eating in the dining commons to once a day. But she had been calling multiple times a day to ask questions, shoot the breeze while walking someplace, or complain (just idle complaints nothing noteworthy) . Yesterday she called in the am because the pharmacy had screwed up her prescription. And then we didn’t hear from her the rest of the day. Which I would have been totally fine with except she had been calling all the time. Curious. She called this am and told me about her great class/ classmates whihc included swimming in the river in their undergarments (with FB pics!), then helping a friend get to Northampton for a job interview, going out to dinner, missing the bus and having to sneak into her evening music “lab” class late. </p>
<p>Big sigh of relief. THIS is what I hoped/expected college to be like. Glad she is busy and happy and that she had no interest in calling home. Hope it continues and we hear from her less and less. Good day here.</p>
<p>Haven’t read the whole thread, but we have a sophomore son. It seems to be getting worse, unfortunately. He’s having a rough year academically, and every night, we are on the phone with him for three hours, trying to calm him down, that he’ll be able to handle it, hang in there. He’s an engineering major, and my husband was an engineering major for a couple of years, so a lot of it is homework help, reassurance, commisserating. My husband dropped out of engineering after a couple of years, and there will soon be a point where he won’t be able to help him with his homework. He’s our son and we love him and want to be there for him, but it’s emotionally and physically exhausting to have to do this every single night. We’re hoping after the first tests come back, things will calm down a bit. He has wonderful roommates and neighbors, all in the same or similar majors, so he’s got a lot of academic support and friendship there. But he still needs to hear from mom and dad that everything will be okay.</p>
<p>Montegut- I am so sorry. That is rough. Yes it is draining and then you feel bad because you want to be supportive but you also want them to be able to function on there own. Hope the first test results have the hoped for outcome.</p>
<p>Montegut - it’s interesting that your S is trying to do something that his dad decided to switch out of. Does your H remember why he changed? Was it losing interest or the work demands (not a criticism - we all can realize those things)? Maybe your S feels extra pressured to do something he thought dad “always wanted”? Anyway, it seems to me it could add an extra layer of stress to what he’s going through.</p>
<p>I would say that in most cases dealing with coursework is really not the parents’ arena - even if a parent is the world expert in the field. I’m sure you’re encouraging your S to work with his profs, TAs, deans, advisers, student tutoring. I’d really urge you to push him very hard to make use of those people.</p>
<p>Parents are cheerleaders and the people who love you unconditionally. They’re also the people who know you the best, know your history and your habits. I’m not saying to limit contact - that would be hypocritical and I don’t think it’s what your S wants, clearly - but I do think you should separate the issues. He needs to go to the source about his schoolwork. Just let him know you believe in him and whatever happens - even if he switches from engineering - you approve of him and believe in him.</p>
<p>Best wishes to you all. This could happen to any of us.</p>
<p>Montegut - is your son using office hour effectively? What about study group for problem sets? D1 was a math major. She went to her professor´s office hour religiously. She said often she would be the only person there. Some of her professors would even go over potential questions on prelims that they never went over in class. Sometimes working with professors/TA 1:1 is a lot more productive than doing it on his own. D1 also became quite good at asking right people to join her study group. I think all of that gave D1 a lot more free time to do other things (like partying).</p>
<p>Of course, there is nothing wrong in switching out of engineering either.</p>
<p>Montegut-I work with college freshman in addition to being the mom of one. What’s happening to your S is SO common. The amount of work, especially in certain fields is overwhelming, even for kids who took that “Most-rigorous-AP everything” curriculum in high school. It’s hard to know as academic when to encourage someone to stick with it and when to ask, honestly, is the end result worth all this work to you? It’s even harder to know as a parent. And as a parent, it’s excrutiating to watch. </p>
<p>Generally, what happens is that after the first round of exams, the kid, no matter how he has performed, will say “So that’s what the professor wants; I can do that,” or “maybe I should be rethinking some things” If kid falls into the latter category, just be sure he knows, in spite of any earlier cheerleading about his ability to do this, it’s ok to change his path. Hope those first tests are coming soon. My own d’s have started this week. By next week we should have that one way or anther epiphany wrt anatomy.</p>
<p>Emybet and others - d’s roommate issues seem to be resolved and the girls have decided they can live together, although they will not be friends. D’s roommate is also and out all night/sleep all day kind of gal. D has made one good friend and a few aquaintances. She still laments that this is not what she thought, she thought she’d have more fun/be able to be more social/fit in better. I think give it time. My own fond memories of college were not from freshman year.</p>
<p>D continues to have a better week. Honestly, I think half of it was the BC pills. She’s a moody kid who had a large chance of being fussy and slow to adapt, but her complete inability to cope was really making us wonder. She says she feels amazingly better, just after a few days of relief from the hormones. Hurray!</p>
<p>Now we can just deal with the regular level of transitional challenges. I’m sure she’ll be OK eventually, but I’m not assuming this will bring on a miracle.</p>
<p>EmmyBet, glad to hear that getting off the BC pills helped. My DD will stop taking them as of tomorrow. I talked to my obgyn today and she said to let her stay off them for a couple of months, and then she will give her a different brand. I’m going to make an appt for xmas break, so she will be home for a while when she starts the new ones.</p>
<p>Oh, good! </p>
<p>But in case anyone thinks I’m graduating from this thread, I’m not. H told me D asked him last night if she could “please” come home for a weekend. We know she misses BF, who is a senior in HS. She has a few other younger friends (she’s a young college freshman herself) and does have friends who go to schools near home, so we can of course see the impetus, and the fantasy that she could have this heavenly time seeing everyone, including us, the pets, etc.</p>
<p>The reality is that she chose a college 1000 miles away, that costs several hundred dollars and takes a full day of plane travel to get to and from. This is the reality she agreed to - her school has no fall break, doesn’t cancel classes for any of the holidays. She does have Fridays “off” but has several official commitments on them besides class.</p>
<p>So there is no good reason to bring her home. We know from D1’s faraway college experience that these first few months are the longest “dry” period for missing home/BF/etc. and it’s understandable that this first time is really difficult. Weekends have definitely been the issue for D - she is very busy during the week, very connected. Lots of kids at her school go home on weekends - but plenty don’t, including many in her programs, who like her are from OOS. It’s her job to get her life on track on weekends. She does not have the same choices as a kid who’s family is closer.</p>
<p>H was wimpy (in my opinion!) and told her we’d “talk about it.” I wish he hadn’t given her any reason to think we’d say yes. It’s too much money and too much effort for so little reward, and in my opinion will not help her adjust to life there. She has a miniscule amount of money of her own, and I guess if she wanted to spend it on a quick trip we’d let her, but I really hope she doesn’t get that desperate, because I think it ultimately would make her either unhappier, or hungry for more visits, which she really can’t afford and which won’t be helpful in the long run.</p>
<p>I know for some kids this is really the ticket to surviving the first year - a chance to sleep in their own bed, recharge, see friends, family and pets that they miss so deeply. D isn’t talking about transferring - she is at a great school for her needs, and the potential is there for her to be fine, once she really settles in. And I don’t think she’s in dangerous shape - in which case we’d be more likely to go there than bring her home, anyway (unless it were to pull her from school).</p>
<p>I just can’t see this request being granted, and we’re going to have to tell her that. She’s just going to have to inch her way through this rough period and consider it an accomplishment to have survived it. And she’s also going to have to see the good things that she does have: she does have nice new friends (even if she’s having the very usual “they’re not like my REAL friends” feeling); her sister is now a few hours away and plans a visit within the next couple of weekends; her grandparents are a few hours’ train ride away, which I would consider a weekend option if she’s just desperate to go to a “home-and-family-like” place. She’s using Skype and lots of means of staying in touch with friends, and she’s just going to have to stay creative and be firm with herself.</p>
<p>As many posters have said, this just might go down as a very unhappy semester, maybe an unhappy year. She might transfer, but she hasn’t made any comments at all about wanting to be at a different school, only that she wishes this school were different in a number of ways, and that she is homesick. </p>
<p>We’ll just help her limp through it … hopefully do better than that … we’ll just see. Next step is counseling. This week has been better, in many ways, but she has a lot more work to do to feel settled and happy.</p>
<p>EB- We are holding a good thought for your D and the others that are struggling. Including us parents.</p>
<p>EB - Two thoughts -
- Next week has the Jewish Holidays on Thursday and Friday and she might find the campus even more empty than usual starting Wednesday night until Sunday given that there is a large Jewish population at her school and it’s a 4 day weekend. Perhaps next weekend would be a better time for a home visit? </p>
<p>2) Are you flying East for Parents Weekend? Or any weekend before Thanksgiving break? I was in culture shock when I was a Freshman and all I needed was a taste of home for one day between the start of school and Thanksgiving. It made all the difference to me.</p>
<p>Of course, your daughter will survive and thrive either way; it sounds like she is having a bit of culture shock (Wisconsin vs NY) but is overcoming it. Just a heads up that next week may be tough.</p>
<p>I just reread your post - one thing that kids need reminding is that you can’t have “old” friends in just a few weeks or months, even if you are living together. It takes time and experiences to create similar bonds in college to those you had in high school. That was probably my older daughter’s hardest adjustment. We only have one elementary school, one middle school and one high school in our school district so she knew most of the kids since she was 4 (many since she was 2 from nursery school). Even if they’re not “best” friends, they have a history, but that takes time. She has no one to confide in yet, so she confides in you. You have a great attitude and your daughter will rise to the occasion, I’m sure of it.</p>
<p>Montegut, I have two kids in engineering but for the D, sophomore year was the worst. Freshman year is mostly review, esp for really smart kids, sophomore year is when the material is new and unfamiliar.</p>
<p>D still feels out of control sometimes. She also panics and is always sure that she’s just one step away from failure. Something she said yesterday resonated with your post. She was having problems in a class, wasn’t able to do one of the homeworks and had an exam coming up. She emailed the professor and went to office hours 3 times. She’s feeling very confident with the material now. She said, guys are so stupid mom. They think they can figure this out all on their own. They don’t want to ask for help and they don’t want to go to office hours. It’s so much easier when you go to office hours and ask other people to help you.</p>
<p>It seems so simple. To just go to office hours. Another thing my D found out is that you have to study in the library. She resisted this for so long. Now she can go to the library and gets stuff done (or the computer lab, which is where she spends most of her time). There are other people there and she can ask them for help also. She is at a university which has a lot of grad students. Not this year but sophomore and junior year, they had TA’s in most of her major classes. She found the TA’s less intimidating than the professors and more assessable. Last year in vibrations, she and a group of students went to the TA’s office hours twice a week. She really figured out that class and the TA had lots of valuable information. He helped her figure out what classes she should schedule and what would be valuable to employers.</p>
<p>My other child says that you always question why you are in engineering and why didn’t you pick another major. The work is really hard and you can’t possibly learn all of it perfectly. That’s why there are curves. It’s too hard to get straight A’s. Sometimes you even get C’s. The horror! But it all works out. Our S graduated, got a great job and is making very good money. He’s so happy with his job and the challenges he is finding. It’s also nice to be able to make enough that you can pay your rent, buy a new car and still have money to do things and travel.</p>
<p>Boy, I’m long winded today lol! I did want to say something about BC pills. It took my D a couple of bad months to get used to her pills. She had terrible PMS before she went on the pills but it still took a couple of months to get everything straightened out. She also had a prescription for Yaz and our insurance switched her to the generic and that also took a couple of cycles to even things out.</p>
<p>My young and self-driven boss went from Texas to Nortre Dame for college. Her parents thought it was a great school for her to go to. She was the one who made the final decision to go there. After school started she begged her parents if she could come home and transfer. Her parents told her no and she had to be there for at least one year before they would consider. She did not come home until Thanksgiving or Christmas the first semester. She made it and graduated from Nortre Dame. She said that was the best thing she ever did in her life!
Hang in there, parents!</p>