<p>I just wanted to update folks here -D2 and I have had several really wonderful conversations this week, including a long Skype call that we both really enjoyed. She is much better, had a wonderful time with her sister (and her sister did, too), and is finding more and more “good stuff” in her life all around.</p>
<p>She herself used the expressions “adjustment” and “transition,” in talking about her own first several weeks of college as well as others’. She definitely understands the perspective that this is a process that everyone goes through, and that circumstances, as well as temperament, make for a large spectrum of experiences. Sometimes people have made the wrong choice, or at least feel disillusioned, but also sometimes they just have to “get over” their own issues.</p>
<p>In short, on the positive side, she loves her classes and the work she is doing. She is getting into the City and having wonderful experiences there (one benefit of her scholarship is that we agreed she could have more money to enjoy NYC). She has some wonderful friends, and some peers whom she really admires. She is very happy with the professors, too. Generally she likes the people and is meeting new ones every day.</p>
<p>She still has the “negatives” of many frustrations with the administrative side to the school - what she sees as disorganization, inefficiency, confusing systems that she feels could be so much better. She feels they should provide more services to students - better shuttle buses, more programmed activities for residents, more reliable library and improved food. She still has a serious problem with her roommate, but they have a silent truce at this point. She’s not sure the student body focuses enough on activities she has the most interest in (such as there not being an a capella group; there’s a little too much reliance on Greek life and sports for socializing, in her opinion).</p>
<p>It’s clear to me that while “quality of life” has its importance, she understands that her complaints are not all that unusual, and that many of them pertain to getting used to college life anywhere. I also think it’s sinking in that she needs to make her own fun there - find the people who are doing what she likes, make activities happen herself if no one else will. This are all very common “transition” issues that could happen at any school.</p>
<p>In fact, she told me of kids at her college, and of friends from HS, who are having a variety of “transition troubles,” and she understands that it can take a while. Some kids are shy. Some kids are fussy and stubborn. Some kids are homesick and slow to get involved. Some kids are unconventional, and it takes a while for them to fit in. Some are just surprised that it’s hard to do and that stops them in their tracks for a bit.</p>
<p>Her moods are completely normal again - even for a moody kid - and she’s able to summon the drive to get her adjustment on track. She is willing to give this the time, especially since she has found that time has brought improvements.</p>
<p>I’ll update again after our weekend together next week; I know she still has grave disappointments about the school, and there is a small chance she has considered transferring and still might. But I do think she has found the balance, and her “upward trend” will much more likely lead to appreciating this school more and more. </p>
<p>She said some of the most important factors in her feeling better has been allowing herself to talk to her HS friends, accepting the fact that she is more homesick than she thought she’d be, that this would take longer than she thought. She’s got a plan now, and she can sense the rewards that are coming. I’m still sad that it took all those weeks of not seeing this, of being so scared and frustrated, but sometimes I know we have to go through those hard times to get to a better place.</p>
<p>Good luck to everyone - and I hope this is helpful to anyone else in this situation.</p>