<p>Hi everyone. Long time lurker and first time poster. Ds went to his "dream school" last year, a lovely liberal arts school. He did pretty well academically, but it was a rough year in every other way. He tried a bit of everything and experienced a broken heart, some drug use, depression, ... And he's one of those kids who tells us everything, which is sometimes more than we want to know.</p>
<p>It wasn't all negative. He also had some great experiences and made lots of friends. He got involved with SO many activities, probably too many. But he seems to have found a couple he really likes.</p>
<p>I am somewhat surprised he is going back this fall. He is an eternally optimist child and he thinks this year will be better. I am hoping it will be better, too. </p>
<p>He's our 2nd child in college. Our dd went to a big state school and never looked back. Ds, on the other hand, talked often about wanting to come home. Most of his good friends have stayed in our hometown to go to school (we have a big state school in town) and he misses them when he's at school. </p>
<p>I know many kids have a rough freshman year, and I know next year might be terrific, but I think I feel more nervous about this year than last year. </p>
<p>Not a parent, but I had a pretty rough freshman year. I seemed so off-kilter sometimes that my friends made up a nickname for me based off the title of our school’s counseling program! My academic performance was right in line with what was average for the school, but for a HS over achiever, being average is quite a shock. And there were some very close calls in holding on to even my average grades. My social position at college was actually more than fine and probably the best part of the year, but my family was experiencing a situation that was quite difficult for me. To top that off, my sister - my dearest friend and closest confidante - was abroad for half of the year when I needed her so much.</p>
<p>But every year got better! I did much better academically my sophomore year, finishing off the spring with straight A’s. My family’s situation didn’t change, but my reaction to it did. Hopefully this might be okay with your son’s broken heart and anything else causing him troubles. The further one is away from most occurrences like that, the less it troubles the heart.
He’ll also I’m sure, become closer to his college friends as time goes on. Though he’ll still miss his HS friends, eventually he’ll have such a support network that he won’t miss the closeness he had back then.</p>
<p>One thing that potentially worries me is your mention of depression and drug use. Do you say “depression” as the word is often used colloquially, or did your son display symptoms of clinical depression? Being sad is quite different from being depressed and different interventions are called for in the case of one versus the other. Quite the same with drug use. Many college freshmen, despite being under 21, drink - occasionally to excess - and smoke drugs that are only legal in a minority of states. Some engage in behavior that goes far beyond this. You are in a much better place to evaluate your son’s drug use than anyone here. </p>
<p>@dhard18, that was mean-spirited. The OP didn’t say anything about making the kid go to this school.</p>
<p>To the OP, yes, my D had a rough first year. She still feels her school was the right one, and made straight As (which might have been the problem!), but had another round of depression and anxiety the second semester. There has to be a balance between studying all the time as my kid did, and partying all the time as some kids do. They just have to figure it out.</p>
<p>My DD had an emotionally difficult freshman year and also did well academically. There was even one time I answered a plea for help and made the four hour round trip drive to bring her home for the weekend. Sophomore year was completely different. Although she started the year intending to transfer for junior year, she decided to stay. She considers campus to be home now is a bit off kilter when she’s home. She’s really looking forward to year three!</p>
<p>Thanks, everyone. I thought the ■■■■■ post was almost funny b/c our situation is so opposite. Ds is at HIS dream school. It wasn’t my favorite. I often wish I had been more involved in his choice and the creation of his common app essay, which I thought was pretty lousy. I think I’m feeling a bit down today b/c I had coffee with a friend who has a son going to the college I would have picked for ds. All that senior year excitement brought me down a bit, I’m afraid. I’m probably feeling more sorry for myself than anyone. Selfish mom!</p>
<p>I don’t think ds is clinically depressed. He did see the counseling service a school for a few visits. The drug use isn’t too bad. He was a straight arrow in high school I think he’s trying to find a balance, too. He doesn’t like drinking that much, or so he says.</p>
<p>Good to hear stories of kids who took a little more time to adjust to college life, but liked their college in the end.</p>
<p>I think the second year will be better. I’ve just found out that my daughter did go to counseling for issue that was related to a roommate, she never told me about it. It was not a biggie since all three students decided to room together next year. I chucked that as adjustment to college life. But she did get sick, which was very unusual for a kid who never was sick, not even an ear infection. Her grades were good but hopeful she is going to be better at time management since she will be working and taking more units and harder courses.</p>
<p>If he wants to go back, then it is the right thing for him. I remember how turbulent my late teens and twenties were. Figuring out who I was and what I wanted to do, boyfriends, being on my own far from home----it was exciting but not always easy or happy. I am impressed he shares so much with you. Like you said, it is two sided.</p>
<p>My younger son loves where he ended up. He’s made some really good friends and is involved in several activities that he’s enjoying a bunch. That said, college is hard! I think he’s learned a lot about how to study. He’s a kid who doesn’t shrink from hard work at all - but I think his studying wasn’t focused well, particularly given the amount of material he had in each class. He’s looking forward to his sophomore year.</p>
<p>My kid loves her school, but freshman year was bumpy academically. She is a sophomore in good standing now (whew – there were a couple of time times during the year when she and I thought that wasn’t going to happen). GPA is nothing to write home about, but that is not uncommon for her school. Still, hoping she can drag it up a little sophomore year.</p>
<p>I have heard of many kids on cc and in real life who have had terrible frosh years (socially or emotionally, and not grade-wise). It usually gets much better in soph yr.
DD finished her frosh year at a HYP with a 3.7 and a ton of ECs, but was unhappy because she felt like she was missing out on the party school/bigsports/greek scene. Has debated for 2 years whether to transfer, but now at the end of soph yr, actually feels more emotionally/socially connected to her college and has decided to stay and seems happy about the decision.</p>
<p>My daughter hated her college freshman year, and absolutely loved it the next 4 (5 year BS/MS program). </p>
<p>Freshman year is a foundational year and a throw away year in a sense. Your son sampled a number of clubs/activities, and now can pare that down to the ones that he enjoys. He’s a lot wiser now about budgeting his time and priorities. He tried the drug thing and discovered that it is not for him. He can fall in love again and get his heart broken again, but now he knows that he can survive a break up. He’s not embarrassed about going for counseling when he needs it, and seems to be self-aware enough to do that.</p>
<p>He will probably be fine going back, and probably have a much better year.</p>