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The fact is, if you're so involved in your child's college career that it impedes the child's development, then you are causing harm, and yes (dare I say it? It's blasphemy these days), you're being a bad parent. Researching schools and telling your child where to apply falls into this category. I know that many parents feel that THEY need to be involved, and that THEY know best, but at the end of the day, that's a selfish position that stunts the child's development.</p>
<p>No matter how brilliant your child is, success in graduate school and eventually making it to a tenure-track position depends heavily on interpersonal skills. Coddling your child is one sure way to guarantee that he doesn't make it.
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<p>I've said it before, and I'll say it again: schools should not be admitting these kinds of students. As long as they continue to do so, then they are the ones who are truly causing harm, they are the ones who are truly being selfish, and - yes - they are being bad schools. </p>
<p>Now, I can understand that professors generally have little influence in determining the admissions of undergrads. But they do have significant influence in the admissions of grad students - or at least they should. So if coddled kids continue to be admitted to grad programs, well, ultimately, who's really to blame for that? As long as the 'coddling' works, parents are going to continue to coddle their kids. They have no incentive not to. </p>
<p>So let's assign blame to where it really belongs. Maybe it is true that, as you say, coddled grad students will fail. But that just begs the question of why exactly is the school admitting so many students who are going to fail? If a school is admitting too many coddled grad students, then take it up with the adcom which - in the case of grad programs - consists of the department faculty itself.</p>