<p>I think I know the F to M at Smith, assuming that there's only one. He's a friend of a friend :-)</p>
<p>NYU is an excellent place for LGBTQ, as is Columbia. If you ever feel like you're a one-person freak show for whatever reason (transgendered or otherwise), visit Central Park and you'll feel right at home. The other day I saw two rough-looking blacks holding hands, one was a man, the other a male to female transsexual. Nobody thought to care.</p>
<p>I didn't mean the "type 1" and "type 2" to be a be-all and end-all in defining colleges. There are times when queer-supportive environment is really useful and there are times when it's overbearing, very similar to the way a religious individual may want to know that there's a Brent House or a Hillel on campus, but might not want to go to Yeshiva or Wheaton. I wish some of my friends took advantage of some of the support opportunities offered on our very type 2 campus.</p>
<p>Also, people's opinions about how best to address their sexuality changes. I identify as straight, but even MY opinion on how to address my sexuality changes. For example, I know a girl who, at the beginning of college, was very, very directed in letting others know about her sexuality. Now, after a girlfriend and a breakup, she's more low-key. On the other hand, I have another friend who has a rather torturous relationship with his sexuality (he despises the fact that he's gay) and has recently come out to high school friends. After a frustrating year boyfriend-wise (including a few drunken near-hookups with straight guys! oy!) he's making a concerted effort to be a part of the gay social community.</p>
<p>It's funny, too, how yet another one of my gay friends (one who gives off more "gay vibes") despises the idea of joining a support group and wallowing in what he considers to be self-pity. He dislikes talking about his sexuality, not because he isn't proud, but because he doesn't think it's appropriate conversation.</p>
<p>"oh, PKswmr, but straight people do. And its something thats not even noticed, just simple things like the fact that they can feel safe holding hands in the street anywhere whereas queer people have to search out safe neighborhoods, just little things like that. I'd start on the marriage thing, how just saying you're getting married "vocalizes" your orientation, but I'm fed up with that issue from last nights HRC forum. But yes, there are other things, like being able to mention your spouse at work without fear of getting fired or losing a promotion that straight people just don't even notice."</p>
<p>Pkswmr - while that kinda gets on my nerves too, it is due to the fact that LGBTQ relationships have only started becoming accepted on a broader scale in the past 10 or 20 years. Many are just trying to speed up the transition that is slowly occurring. You have to remember that our society has been through a lot and that for 200+ years LGBTQ relationships were basically condemned in America. It's remarkable to see how different the general views are from the previous generation and today's generation.</p>
<p>If you want any evidence that people still think that gays and gay stereotypes are inherently funny, I point you towards "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry."</p>
<p>As for your two friends, there is a lot of internalized homophobia, in everyone i think, because of the society we were raised in. Hopefully maybe the next generation won't have as much, and it can be eradicated within a few generations, but its still there at this time. There's a difference between hating the fact that you're gay and not letting it be the main thing about you. It definitely isn't the most important thing about me, although it does affect a lot of my experiences and I see nothing wrong with mentioning it once in a while. Of course, I also mention that i'm jewish, love animals, comic books, reading wikipedia, etc. I hope your friend grows out of hating himself. Although, i have heard a relatively amusing story about that. Supposedly, Alan Van Capelle, who is the director of the Empire State Pride Agenda, prayed to god during his bar mitzvah to not grow up gay. Just goes to show how much ones views can change. Oh, and btw, I agree with your friend: IMO, support groups suck. They bore me to death. </p>
<p>And in regards to "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry", I think its a great movie and hilarious. I just love adam sandler in general.</p>
<p>I'd be really hesitant to actually recommend a women's college for a trans guy who already knows he's trans and identifies as a man. Sure, there are thriving FTM communities at a lot of women's colleges, but the vast majority of them didn't come out until they were already there. Choosing to attend a women's college while openly identifying as a man from the start is a very different story and seems disrespectful--an FTM guy saying he's right to apply to a women's college on the basis of his biological birth sex definitely seems to imply that an MTF wouldn't be welcome, for example.</p>
<p>I definitely agree that the type 1/type 2 thing is a false dichotomy (not that I think it was meant as a definitive categorization; it's just some handy shorthand). Many, many schools (especially big ones) can offer either type of queer experience or something else entirely, whether you're looking for a low-key accepting atmosphere, radical queer activism, or somewhere in the middle. I'm active in the LGBTQQI community at my school and have a lot of queer friends, but I also have plenty of straight friends. There are plenty of out, proud people here who aren't in any groups or involved with any activism, and there are some people who barely know anyone who's not straight and spend all their time in the LGBTA office because that's where their friends are. Either approach is valid, and either approach can be satisfying.</p>
<p>Pseudonym, I disagree with you on that one. As much as I absolutely hate to point this out, F2M men were raised female. They've shared many of the same experiences with womyn who identify as such. In my opinion, the purpose of a women's college is to empower women: to tell them that there's no such thing as "mens classes" and "womens classes" and to show them that there can be a thriving community of women-- no men needed. So while, yes, F2Ms do identify as male, they were raised as women and have had the same mentality instilled in them as did other women who were raised as women. They need the empowering environment of a women's college just as much as women do. It just bothers me when women, especially queer women, reject F2Ms after they start transitioning. For some F2Ms, sure, it may be better for them to leave the female parts of themselves behind and start a completely new life, maybe not even telling anyone that they're trans. For others, embracing the fact that they were born women and have since transitioned is just part of their experience, and there's no reason why they shouldn't be allowed at a women's college.</p>
<p>Why is it that most people are OK with people campaigning for women's rights and black's rights (issues which I support, of course) but when we campaign for LGBT rights, people think we're shoving our sexual orientation down everyone's throats and that we should just shut up? As a result, gays <em>are</em> in fact shutting up. In seeking the approval of straight people, gay people try to make sexual orientation issues as low-key as possible in order to come of as the "ideal gay"-- silent and oppressed. I see this message propagated (explicitly and implicitly) everywhere on this forum, and I'm so sick of it. As we all know, gay people make up only a small part of the population, and for that reason, I believe that every single one of them should be an LGBT activist. Homosexuality is still illegal in 82 countries! Wake up! Even if you already have your civil rights, people all over the world are still suffering (most of them don't even have human rights, much less civil rights). It's OK to be low key in terms of communicating your sexual preferences, but it's not OK to be low-key in fighting for LGBT rights. And it's NOT OK to focus the entire movement on the marriage issue. In getting so caught up about it, gay rights activists in the US have neglected the human rights of LGBT people abroad.</p>
<p>I second yourfather. Speaking as a gay male, I feel that homosexuals have been low-key and have been indirectly oppressed by society. PKswmr76, I don't think that you understand how much gays have been through in the last forty years. Saying that one's sexual orientation is not something to celebrate is equivalent to saying that one's race or heritage is not something to celebrate. You might as well get rid of St. Patrick's Day, Black Pride Month, and the like. How would you feel?</p>
<p>The focus of gay pride is more about the pride in going through the coming out process, which is an intensely difficult experience for many, than the pride in being of a particular sexual orientation-- though it is and should be both.</p>
<p>yourfather, I completely agree with you about so many things! My family is from the former USSR, and this past may I was in tears for a week straight because of the horrible violence at the Moscow attempt at a pride march. It made me sick to my stomach to see videos of queer people getting beaten up and the cops just standing there, to see foreign politicians, members of parliament and the like, standing there and shouting, "Where are the police? Why aren't they helping us?" </p>
<p>There's where the difference between me and my straight friends comes in: Not one of them lost a moment of sleep over what happened. I spent two nights sobbing, going through different blogs and websites trying to find out who was hurt and beaten and what was being done. They are not afraid to go back and visit the land of their ancestors, whereas I'm petrified of going there and never coming back.</p>
<p>Not one of my straight friends risked getting arrested outside the Iranian mission to the UN last July, on the anniversary of the hanging of two teenage boys. Not one of them stands outside City Hall fliering about various non-discrimination acts. None of them feel really awkward around their doctor, when the doctor tells them that in 20 years or so they'll have kids their own age. None of them has the overwhelming urge to say, "You know, it may take me a bit longer than that." They don't get odd looks when they mention PGPs: "Preferred Gender whaat? pronouns? what?"</p>
<p>Also, I agree that the LGBT movement is too focused on marriage. Don't get me wrong, its essential on the path to equality, and we definitely should be working towards it, but also towards other things! How about funding shelters for homeless queer youth? Leadership programs for LGBTQ youth? Care for our elders? Preserving queer history? What about the "T" in LGBT? Why is it being left out of most SONDAs and GENDAs? I mean, Don't Ask Don't Tell is FINALLY getting some notice, but why wasn't there more of an outrage when Peter Pace called homosexuality immoral? In the words of Larry Kramer, "We are not crumbs. We must not accept crumbs."</p>
<p>^^ I don't think the LGBT movement is too focused on marriage. People simply think it is, but the movement itself is hitting many fronts -- rights in many areas.</p>
<p>Nope, it is. What made you think otherwise? HRC would not have the support that it has if it weren't for its focus on marriage. This is why organizations like Amnesty International, which have a more human rights as opposed to civil rights focus (isn't that ironic given HRC's name?), have a hard time attracting supporters. The focus on marriage is acknowledged by many gay scholars like John D'Emilio who think it's actually dangerous (<a href="http://www.glreview.com/13.6-demilio.php)%5B/url%5D">http://www.glreview.com/13.6-demilio.php)</a>.</p>
<p>I have to disagree with you about FTMs and womens colleges. I myself am trans and went to an all-girls high school, and for the life of me would not repeat that experience nor even considering attending a women's college when I had already reached the point where I knew I identified as a different gender than that which I had been assigned to. </p>
<p>If there are students at womens colleges who discover they have a different gender identity than they've been assigned to at birth, it's perfectly valid for them to complete their education at such an institution. But I would not recommend someone going to a Smith or Mt. Holyoke knowing full well that they might want to transition. Especially since a diploma from a womens college would out that person later in life as having been assigned a different birth gender than how they currently present themselves.</p>
<p>withinamile, notice I said some F2Ms. What you're saying is completely valid, too. I understand why an all girls high school might've been hell for you, and why never in a million years would you repeat that. But, I think its a different experience for everyone, and while, yes, it would be difficult to explain a womens college to some prospective employers, it may be okay for some transmen. That way, their past is not a secret, its already out there. It all depends on the person, and i don't think its up to us to decide for everyone. To each hir own.</p>