<p>My freshmen roommate’s parents relocated to the city we went to college in. They didn’t stop by the dorms very often, but they lived close enough by so she could go home for dinner. She was an only child. Some parents have trouble letting go and building up their second phase of life without children being in the center.</p>
<p>Nil, are you able to write creatively?</p>
<p>Write a folk tale about parents not letting their child apply to UChi and how they come to regret their decision and change their minds, with a happy outcome. Include the following: a phoenix, a giant eyeball, a digraced governor, gelato, a river, a lake, a busy airport and a champion hockey team.</p>
<p>What, is Scav Hunt on now? LOL.</p>
<p>Don’t apply in secret. I can say that as a parent that would be the least likely way to get me to change my mind.
Do show them how easy it is to get to Chicago. Maybe see if you can convince them to come with you to visit the school - and maybe spend a couple of days doing the tourist thing there as well. I know I feel more comfortable with some schools now that I’ve set foot on the campus.
Do see if you can come up with an ‘emergency plan’ for them. If they know somebody who lives in Chicago or nearby who will be a contact person, that might ease their worries. (Mine went to a camp on the other coast recently, and having an old friend who lived about 90 minutes away made me quite calm.)
Do look for other schools too.</p>
<p>I mentioned this to my wife, and her suggestion was to tell your parents you want to go to Stanford or Berkeley, and then Chicago would be a compromise. I don’t actually advocate this, but I do think that it might be helpful for you to generate some specific criteria for schools that would fit you, create a list, and then talk to your parents about it.</p>
<p>Living in New York City, I feel infinitely more secure with my son in Chicago, knowing that he’s literally seconds away from the ER of the major hospital affiliated with the University, than I would if he were going to school at some college in the middle of nowhere in rural New England that it would take me 6 or 8 hours or more to drive to. The most important thing in an emergency would be his immediate access to first-rate medical care, not my immediate access to him. As much as I would want that. I say that as someone who became suddenly and critically ill and almost died during my third year of law school, when I was 22, and was very relieved to be in Cambridge, Massachusetts rather than in East Overshoe, New Hampshire. (NTTAWWT.) (Parental access wasn’t an issue, because my mother, who would have been up on the next plane, had died a couple of years earlier, and my father neither came up to see me, nor even called me in the hospital after I let him know I was there – explaining later that he assumed I was OK when he didn’t hear anything further from me – something I still don’t understand after 33 years and haven’t quite forgiven him for. I still remember how embarrassed I was when the nurses would ask me why I didn’t have family visitors. I think I made some excuse for him by saying he was really busy at work. But all of that’s a whole nother story, and I don’t want to change the subject of the thread.)</p>
<p>And, despite the comments of Northstarmom and others, I happen to feel that for some kids – like my son – the University of Chicago <em>is</em> the perfect school, and there <em>aren’t</em> a lot of other schools where they would be equally happy. It’s certainly worth fighting for, and trying to talk your parents into letting you apply. But applying behind their back is not the way to go.</p>
<p>Finally, there is something to be said about physical separation from one’s parents as a positive aspect of growing up and learning to be independent. I am amazed, and unbelievably proud, of how independent and grown up my son (an only child who was not very independent, and seemed much younger than his age in certain ways when he finished high school) has become during his two years at college – something that I’m not sure would have happened quite so easily if he’d been only a short train ride from home, as I was when I was in college. </p>
<p>By the way, I can think of very few things more intrusive, or more horrifying to most college students, than the prospect of one’s parents visiting every week. Yikes! I’m not so ancient that I don’t remember what that would have felt like.</p>
<p>Yes, he or she who foots the bill gets to call the shots to a great extent. But I’m not sure that doing so in this particular way is really putting the best interests of one’s child at the forefront. I don’t think it’s nearly so “reasonable” as others seem to believe.</p>
<p>^^ I like that idea.</p>
<p>Our family experienced the reverse of the OP’s dilemma when it was time for my son to decide where to apply. We live in southern New England, smack in the center of an area dense with wonderful schools, and my son decided he would only apply to schools in the Northeast. He knew he wanted to go away for school, but didn’t want to go too far to minimize the homesickness he anticipated feeling. Every few days (or so it seems in my now fuzzy memory), I would go into his room to share with him yet another reason I thought Chicago would be the perfect school for him and implore him to at least apply. Each time he would reply, “Chicago does sound like a great school for me, but it’s too far away and I’m not applying.” No matter what logical arguments for handling the distance we plied him with (e.g., “But it takes less time to fly there from home than it would take to drive to X [school in the Northeast]”, “You’ve gone to school in another country for a month without us there, and managed whatever homesickness you had fine”, etc.), he stood his ground. Even when we had a long layover at Midway on a trip in October and suggested spending the time by taking a quick look at the school, he declined and emphatically reiterated his refusal to consider applying.</p>
<p>We made our peace with his decision, but then at the 11th hour (i.e., just before the deadline for submitting applications), he announced that he wanted to apply to Chicago after all. He gave us all the reasons we had given him about why he thought it would be okay, sounding as though he had never heard these ideas before and had suddenly drawn these conclusions himself. The rest of the story is that he applied and ended up choosing to attend Chicago, where he is now a very happy rising third year student (although he’ll be spending his entire 3rd year on the other side of the world, fear of homesickness a long ago memory).</p>
<p>I would echo what others have said and encourage you to scratch any thoughts of deception with your parents. Give them whatever evidence you have to address their concerns about you applying to Chicago, and then give them time to digest this information without badgering them to change their minds. As with my son, it is possible that they will come to see things a bit differently if given time to reconsider on their own. If not, you must respect their decision. My feeling about Chicago being uniquely well-suited to some students is very much like DonnaL’s, but I think there are at least two factors to keep in mind before you get too attached and therefore anticipate such intense distress if your parents continue to oppose your applying there: (1) admissions being what they are, your odds of acceptance are iffy at best; if you invest too much in the idea of Chicago being so much better a place for you than any other school, you are setting yourself up for heartbreak should you not get in after having fought so hard to be allowed to apply and (2) even for students for whom Chicago is the perfect school, many other schools are also wonderful; Chicago is pretty much the only school where I think my son would an exemplar of a typical, mainstream student, but I know he would have found sizable groups of peers at most, if not all, of the other schools to which he applied.</p>
<p>Both you and your parents are embarking on a very stressful period, insofar as stress is defined by needing to adapt to change and there are many significant changes in your lives appearing on the horizon. A child’s leaving home for college presents not only the child, but the parents as well, with the challenges of a new developmental phase. I hope you will be able to have compassion for yourself and your parents as you all strive to cope with these challenges, and understand that you are navigating these new waters with different sets of experiences and expectations, but ultimately all with the same destination of your arrival in a wonderful new place in mind.</p>
<p>Personally I vote for applying to UofC (and paying yourself for the app, test scores, etc) but also telling your parents that you are applying. At ths same time offer to apply to ANY school they want you to (and don’t flinch if you HATE the school).</p>
<p>We often give advice to students that is a long time from the time you make a list until you pick a school (typically almost a year) so including parent’s choices and safties (for example) is a wise thing to do and over the year your opinion on where to go may change. Well I believe that year’s passage can also lead to parents changing their mind … they will be talking to other parents (perhaps letting their kids apply to schools in the UK or exited about their kid going to California to school or to study abroad in Italy) who may help open your parents horizon some.</p>
<p>In these situations I advocate keeping options open as long as possible and pushing out drop dead confrontations as long as possible as barriers may rescind over time … so I would submit the application and pay for it.</p>
<p>(PS - My oldest looked at all the very selective urban schools in the geography your paretns gave you and the one school out of that area she looked at was UofC … my daughter liked it a lot and I LOVED it … my one-liner is the MIT of liberal arts schools … I do think Chicago is a pretty unique place and most folks will have a pretty strong reaction (positive or negative to it) … and for those who like it I think they wil have a very special undergrad experience. I do not think it is the only place for any student but I certainly get people who make it their far and away #1 choice.)</p>
<p>You should sit down with your parents and express why you want to go so “far” as to UChicago. Applying doesn’t mean that it’s set in stone and that that is where you are going for college; it’s giving yourself options. In this climate, options matter. </p>
<p>I was in the same situation as you and I knew the system well enough to know that if I just stuck to NYC schools, I’d be extremely unhappy and would have no options. I just started doing the applications and would read my essays to them, and they saw how much I wanted it. Show them that you want it badly, and they won’t say no. </p>
<p>Am I happy with my choice? Hell yeah! If I hadn’t applied to Smith (or any other school outside of NYC) I would really be in a sticky situation right now. </p>
<p>I agree with what some of the parents have said, however. You shouldn’t stay stuck on one school…especially at this stage. Have you visited UChicago? Are you sure you’ll like it? What kind of responsibilities do you have in your house now where you are absolutely positive that going “far” away from home will work? If it’s just the one school that you want to apply to that don’t fit your parents guidelines, ask them about it in a calm manner. It’s not a fight that you want to pick this stage in the game. </p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>I’m in a sorta similar situation.</p>
<p>I don’t really want to stay close to home, I’m not from where I’m living now, I don’t feel a connection to it and I just kinda want to leave. I don’t hate it, but a change a scenery would be nice. </p>
<p>But most of my schools my parents thought I was looking at were in about a 10 hour radius of home, most 6-7 hours away, some Alabama and FSU more like 12-15 hours away, They kinda said those are far, but I toured Bama a year ago and that didn’t seem to mind the distance that much (They make it clear they don’t want me to go that far though)…</p>
<p>So, the more and more I look into different colleges, the more and more like USC, all the way in California lol. I didn’t tell them I liked the school until about two weeks ago or so and…lets just say I took them by surprise. They asked for my top 5 schools right now and I’m like uhhh, Alabama, Florida State, Michigan, Georgetown, and…USC. </p>
<p>Funny thing was, before the asked me, they asked about one of my friends and where he is looking at and I said he really liked Colorado. They acted all sad and said he was going to start a new life out west and his parents were hardly ever going to see him again. Then I made the situation a lot more awkward when I said I wanted to go to USC. </p>
<p>They aren’t vehemently opposed to the idea, but they thought FSU and Alabama were too far, and I know they really don’t want me to go to USC…but the school just sounds so perfect. Great mix of academics, athletics, social life, very diverse, fun location, etc…</p>
<p>Errr, don’t know what to do. Recently toured Michigan, and I really like that school, but it is almost too close, and lack of OOS aid will force me to do NROTC (not that I really mind, I was planning on joining the military anyway), but I still really, really like the school. </p>
<p>Oh and nil, I get what you mean about feeling stagnant and not growing…I was thinking those exact things about going to college and going away, away from support or a “safety net” and USC would certainly be that. I have one relative in Southern California, and another 8 hours away in Arizona, so I’d really be on my own. Which really appeals to me, yet at the same time, scares the sheeeeeet out of me too. </p>
<p>good luck</p>
<p>nil,</p>
<p>I think your idea to study in UChicago is great and I encurage you to apply for EA. My DD got accepted and is attending this fall. However, your stats does not lend itself very well with UOC especially their admission rate went down this year to 19% and perhaps will go down further next year. AS the school become more selective, a weighted gpa of 3.7 is not good. My DD went to a very competitive public HS in our area and she got 4.xx weighted gpa, 8% of the class and was waitlisted. We are lucky to get off the list because she had some unique EC’s that no one had, it was presented in a portfolio after she got waitlisted.</p>
<p>So, unless you are from a feeder private school or one of the ranking highschools on the national scale, the chances for you to get in is slim. go the the Naviance of your school and do a search of your school’s history and find out the chances of getting into a school like UOC with your gpa.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>I think that parents have every right to set financial parameters for colleges considered by their students. All other considerations should be the students’ choice, though I concede it get murky if a poor choice results in going more than 4 years for the bachelor’s degree.</p>
<p>I have to say that coming from the Rocky Mountain area, a three hour driving limit would really, really restrict college choices - only two significant liberal arts colleges, and six state universities from where we are, only three of which would be considered major universities. </p>
<p>Somehow, our kids survive just fine at schools that are a dozen or two dozen hours away by car. Maybe it is the pioneer blood 
– Maybe parents around here are just less worried, but I have never heard any of my friends worry to the extent the OPs parents seem to be worried. Maybe it is an Eastern thing?</p>
<p>I’m always the odd one out, but I say apply, get in, and go from there. Getting in is half the battle. Statistically speaking you’re probably not going to get in, but if you do, then you’ll have a real arguing point - not just hey, I like this school and I want to go. Yes, your parents are paying, but what is the point of putting their money (assuming it’s almost the same cost) someplace where you aren’t going to flourish to your top potential.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>U Chicago really is unique, if theres another Univ quite like it I don’t know. </p></li>
<li><p>Unless your parents are trained emergency room physicians there isn’t a lot they can do when you have an emergency at 3 AM. I am not your parents, and everyone is different, but to me there is something unhealthily protective, and not at all rational going on on their side. And no, this is not at all comparable to making a kid go to an instate public, which is a financial issue.</p></li>
<li><p>I am one adult who can at least understand why you may think about applying in secret. Its only an application (presumably you will pay the app fee with money of your own). I don’t think thats an unethical choice. But I agree, it might well make things worse. When your parents find out, the whole issue of your being secretive will get all wrapped up in all this, and may be every hard to disentangle. </p></li>
<li><p>I tend to agree with those who suggest providing some information to your parents, in a non threatening way. I am not sure what there is to lose (other than time) in doing that. Even if they dont agree, you might open up some lines of communication.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Gosh I’m feeling for the parents. It’s not like they’ve said, “you have to live at home so find a college you can get to on public transportation” (I know parents like that.). They haven’t said, “you must attend the branch of our state U half an hour from home since it’s not worth paying more for a fancy college.” Nor have they said, 'We’ll let you apply to Chicago but only if you promise to be pre-med" as many parents do.</p>
<p>In return- you have dug in your heels on why Chicago is the perfect place for you, without much in the way of data, and without much, in mind, of a fact-based analysis as to why you believe it to be the perfect place for you.</p>
<p>If I were the OP I’d be doing my research to learn where kids who want to go to Chicago but can’t (aren’t accepted, can’t afford it) end up. Then I’d be emailing everyone from my HS who is at Chicago to ask them why they chose Chicago, and if they hadn’t, where they’d have ended up. And I’d do the same for a couple of teacher’s from my HS.</p>
<p>Maybe that exercise will tell you that there are Chicago-like schools closer to home (Swarthmore? Haverford? Wellesley (sorry, I don’t remember your gender) or Bryn Mawr, Hopkins, Wesleyan, depending of course on what it is you love about Chicago. Maybe that exercise will tell you that the things that most appeal to you (being close to a fabulous city for example) aren’t all that meaningful to kids who are already there- they are too busy studying or doing their activities to take advantage of the museums or the waterfront or what-not.</p>
<p>But before I concluded that my parents are hopelessly overprotective, I’d be doing my homework.</p>
<p>And to the parents who think the OP’s parents are being ridiculous- among my brood I dealt with the following:</p>
<p>emergency appendectomy
hospitalization for severe pneumonia
death of two grandparents
suicidal roommate
broken arm
9/11</p>
<p>Being in driving distance doesn’t help when the proper response is to call 911. Being in driving distance doesn’t help when Manhattan is in lock-down mode and people are walking across the GW bridge. Being in driving distance doesn’t help during a snowstorm. But if it helps relieve some of the anxiety your parents may be facing than it’s probably worth falling in love with at least a couple of schools similar to Chicago but closer to home.</p>
<p>nil desperandum,</p>
<p>I think that the University of Chicago is an unusual place, unusual enough to justify extending the geographical boundaries for it. It would have been my dream school, if I had known about it when I was a high school senior. I was <em>my</em> dream school for QMP, who was not interested. Chicago has a highly intellectual atmosphere and world class academics in many “theoretical” areas. You might write to them for the “viewbook” and discuss with your parents the reasons that Chicago interests you.</p>
<p>Your username makes me think that it would suit you. The biggest caveat: The last I knew, the University of Chicago required everyone to take calculus. Real calculus. Your math SAT score would be a major concern, in my opinion. Have you looked at the range for Chicago? Some of the subject areas in the university are taught with a heavily mathematical slant. Outside of the natural sciences, economics comes to mind, for example.</p>
<p>PS: Hyper-protective parent here. Practically invented the helicopter. Have a daughter a day and a half away, by car.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>“emergency appendectomy
hospitalization for severe pneumonia
death of two grandparents
suicidal roommate
broken arm
9/11”</p>
<p>In any of those cases, if you have to wait till next day to catch a flight, vs driving 4 hours through the night, what tangible difference does it make to the outcome? I am having trouble seeing how RATIONALLY there is less reason for anxiety. </p>
<p>I don’t expect everyone to be like me. I am sending my DD to Israel for a 9 month gap year program. But this sounds odd. And immigrants? These people have presumably, left their OWN birth families far behind.</p>
<p>On 9/11 our DD was in 4th grade. We were on the phone to relatives in NYC, and missed the call that the school was closing (then as now, we lived in Northern Virginia). By the time we got the message and called back, no one was answering the phone. I drove to the school (20 minutes away, a private school) and found someone who said DD had been picked up by her best friend’s parents (against school rules, but this was an unprecedented time). I drove to their house, to find DD happy as a clam, playing with her best friend, almost oblivious to the events of the day.</p>