<p>Sorry if I’m beating a dead horse, but to offer a Canadian perspective, I also immediately got the impression the OP was trivializing the issue because of words chosen. I am convinced (after reading on) that the OP didn’t intend it that way, but it sure goes to show the power of words (especially during the app process where we have to assume readers are reading between the lines). I think Hunt is right here, avoid any words approximating silly, mistake, error, and the like.</p>
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Oh, thank you for clarifying - it must surely be a difference in word usage! </p>
<p>Try not to get too stressed - it sounds like your S is doing the right things with his life, and going to school, etc., and his good attributes should outweigh this unfortunate event. Good luck to him.</p>
<p>To all of you who have offered me kind words of encouragement and constructive advice, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, especially “NotKnown” who has gone through this and knows how awful it is.</p>
<p>To those who think I have trivialized my son’s DUI, you have no idea of the trauma, the tears, and the sleepness nights of worry… but, as I said before, this was not the forum to speak of emotions - I just needed, and asked for, some good advice.</p>
<p>This thread has been extremely informative - not only have I very kindly had my questions answered but I’ve also learned how easy it is for certain people to judge and to completely misconstrue what is actually being said/asked.</p>
<p>I truly thank you all for your comments… I have learned a lot.</p>
<p>I think the word “silly” has a different connotation in English English than it does in American English–“lacking in good sense” vs. “trivial,” according to some dictionary definitions. In other words, it does mean something to the English something more like what Americans would call “stupid.”</p>
<p>GOing back to the original point of the thread, I agree with what others have said. Encourage your son to be very honest. Unfortunately he is not the only young person to have made this mistake. I know it’s probably wrong to say he was “lucky” to get a DUI, but I do think it’s better that the cops pulled him over rather than him hurting someone else on the road, which is so often the sad consequence of these kinds of choices. </p>
<p>Many college students and college applicants have been in this position. It does not dis-bar them from going to a great college, so long as they are honest about it, both now and at any point he’s asked about it in the future.</p>
<p>reading her post 23, it appears to me with the selective “thanking” of those who offered advice, mumofone may not quite understand what some others meant.
Let’s look at the pic again.
Mumofone didn’t just ask a question. She also prefaced it with the facts that S is an “A student”, and did a “silly thing”, had only “a couple drinks” …etc. This additional information goes beyond just asking a question and I believe since it was offered in the Op to qualify the S’s behavior, it is fair to evaluate it. And, beyond the question, she also asked for advice.
Please allow me to offer my interpretation of some comments here.
To my ear, Mumofone’s wording gave the impression she was trying to minimize his traffic violation, mentioning the “silly thing” and “a couple of drinks”. In my American experience, it is rare for a young adult to have exactly 2 drinks and then be tested over the limit. Might it have been more than 2? Did he drink only seconds before getting behind the wheel? If much time elapsed after the first of 2 drinks, he likely would have tested within the limit. The time of his consumption, his weight, and even the phrase “a couple of drinks” is suspect. I wouldn’t speak for all Americans, but I can say the phrase “a couple drinks” doesn’t ever mean exactly 1, and it rarely means exactly 2 to me. When people use that phrase it typically means they will only admit to 2, or that they didn’t count.
But it isn’t my point that I feel mumofone isn’t being honest. It isn’t that her S was dishonest. I don’t know. My point isn’t even that mumofone is minimizing the situation. I don’t know if she is or not.
What I do know, is that her wording gives the impression that she is minimizing it. That is an important distinction. She may not like it, but those that have called her on her wording have given her excellent advice. Those that have called her on it are not trying to give a “moral lecture” as mumofone puts it imo. I think momofone is misunderstanding them. They ARE however, trying to show the wording may have given the wrong impression. Don’t blame that on the reader. Please take that advice and improve the wording so that an accurate impression is portrayed in the future.
I remember G.B. Shaw’s “England and America are two…”
Or, to put it in an analogy using british English- Mumofone, does your S wear knickers? Here that basically means old-fashioned knee high socks. To you, I know the question would have a different meaning. What if I said a college cheerleader was full of spunk? That would have a different meaning in England than it does here.
So the advice given here was be fully honest to answer all questions asked, and if called upon to explain the DUI, then carefully use wording that will convey the impression you want to convey. Both of those are excellent pieces of advice. neither should offend you.</p>
<p>Dear younghoss, I never once used the word “offended” and I think the only one being offensive here is you in your attack (yes, I’m sure that means the same in English English as in American English.) I have absolutely no idea why you are taking this so very personally (again, I’m sure this means the same in both the US and the UK.) I really fail to see why you are so upset. Maybe it’s hit some sort of raw nerve? Anyway, never having met you I have nothing against you personally but I really think your comments are (dare I say these two words again?) very silly. </p>
<p>I reiterate the fact that I joined this forum for some good advice from parents who have maybe been in the same situation with their kids and again I thank those who have been of help. I have, however, been really disappointed by certain reactions over a choice of ONE word. Sillly/stupid… I really have too much to worry about apart from that one word and other people’s reactions to it and I doubt very much that I will be using this forum again. Thanks for that.</p>
<p>In some states the first offender has the opportunity to plead nolo and then does not truly have a “conviction” on their record and can truthfully say they nave never been convicted of a misdemeanor or felony. Is this a possibility or is it too late?</p>
<p>Just because someone does not want to tarnish their record and future opportunities does not mean they are minimizing their actions. Lighten up on the lecturing a bit, folks.</p>
<p>You may want to check your state’s status of the crime/plea/conviction. Call his attorney.</p>
<p>In some, a DWAI (.05-.079)plea is the equivalent of a “violation”, such that even though you were charged with a misdemeanor/felony,(DWI/DUI) you were “guilty” of something else.</p>
<p>I assure you momofone, I do not feel your original post attacked me(or as you put it, my taking it personally). I do not take your questions personally, but I feel some here initially had the wrong impression of you because of our interpretations of words in your first post, and as a result they have commented here in ways you did not want to hear. I am trying to explain my point of view that some phrases in your Op might have created a false impression of how you really felt; and recommended you re-visit the wording. Your subsequent posts clarified your feelings.
I also gave my opinion that the wording of the original post led to comments about minimizing the situation that you seem to have defined as “moral lecture”. While those posts were based on a mistaken impression that you were trying to minimize things, those comments do demonstrate a need for clear meanings when a person is describing a situation and then seeking advice based on info given. Your post could have been worded differently to have had a clearer meaning to our American ears. Is that last sentence an attack? I hope not.</p>
<p>You think I have attacked you? I haven’t even disagreed with you! I have only tried to point out the phrases you said(and not just the word “silly”) that could lead to a misunderstanding of your true feelings. I never said you or S were good, bad, silly, tall, short, thin, fat, young, old, or any other words. I have made no judgments of you or your S, other than to say your wording in OP could have been clearer. Is that too harsh? I have only tried to explain your wording gave some here the wrong impression. My intent was hoping to better explain to you, Mum, that some here may have given you “moral lectures” because the true meaning of your OP wasn’t clear in the Op. So some that may have commented on your feelings may have had a misunderstanding of your feelings.
It is my hope that now that you have clarified your position on your feelings, that no one will think poorly of you because they mistakenly think you have tried to mimimize your S’s situation. And further, now that you have an understanding of why they might have felt that, you won’t have a poor impression of them for their “moral lectures”.</p>
<p>mumofone- Don’t mind YoungHoss. He shows up in every thread involving drinking. He has some sort of morbid fascination with young people who either drink underage or get in some sort of legal trouble related to drinking. He WILL lecture.</p>
<p>I agree that your son will just need to address this truthfully IF a question is asked that requires the disclosure of this offense. I recently read a statistic that in one state 1/3 of the licensed drivers have a DUI. Many drivers are not impaired with a .08 reading. Unfortunately, as your son has (hopefully) learned, the consequences are great. While it is not safe to drink and drive, a majority of the population has done so. The majority are not impaired and no more of a danger than someone texting or even talking on a cellphone.</p>
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<p>Alaska, MOWC?</p>
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In rereading the previous posts, I notice that op has never said what the BAC actually was.</p>
<p>In California, for people over 21, a DUI is a BAC of .08% or greater.</p>
<p>I agree with other posters that to these American ears, a “silly” mistake is a lighthearted or trivial mistake.</p>
<p>Wow, maybe the OP made a “silly” mistake by posting here and thinking people wouldn’t be condescending or pedantic. Maybe her s’s BAC is not our business. Just a thought.</p>
<p>*** as an aside, I picked up a few colloquialisms from a delightful Welch au pair we had many years ago. I call the trunk of the car the “boot”, the shopping cart a “buggy” (and so do my kids, which embrarasses them when they are with friends) and things that are great are “brilliant”. </p>
<p>No need to dissect phrasiology. Just sayin’</p>
<p>Yes, it is my experience that the pot threads are much “nicer” than the drinking threads. The OPs son is 24. He’s “adult enough” to understand and feel the consequences. Adult enough to drink legally and adult enough to realize he should not have been driving. But it’s water under the bridge. I refuse to enter into a fray about the difference between “silly” and “stupid.” Bottom line for the OPs son is be honest if the question is even asked and don’t trivialize if details regarding the incidence are required.</p>
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I certainly didn’t suggest that it was our business, just pointing out that she didn’t mention it, and we can’t assume that it was 0.08 or something else - only, apparently, that it was at least that much. If her son wasn’t “impaired” at whatever level he was at, it is not likely that he would have been stopped by the police. Just another thought.</p>
<p>Maybe he had a tail light out or didn’t stop for the complete 3 seconds at a stop sign. Who knows. Just a thought.</p>
<p>sylvan- that is incorrect. The huge majority of DUI charges result from VERY minor alleged traffic infractions- usually in an area known to have bars, clubs etc. These can be 41 in a 35, headlight out, incomplete stop at a stop sign, and, gee, let’s do a BA test while we’re at it! If you are weaving around or going the wrong way, you certainly deserve the DUI consequences, but while those are the publicized (and often tragic) situations, usually it is something much less exciting.
I had a co-worker who left a club late one night and got pulled over for 43 in a 35 (going speed of traffic) and blew a .088. He spent the night in jail and lost his license for 6 months (could drive to and from work and community service).</p>
<p>I do have a personal interest in drinking and driving, having lost my best friend, a passenger in a car struck and killed by a drunk driver. I wouldn’ describe my interest as unhealthy; but Mowc is certainly entitled to her opinion. But, in any case, that isn’t the topic here, and I haven’t commented on that perspective.
But in this case I cannot agree I have lectured in this thread about the dangers of drinking underage or the possible legal consequences. I have pointed out how I felt the Op’s phrasing might have appeared to be minimizing her son’s actions, and that her subsequent posts clarified her feelings. I wasn’t the only one who felt that way, some others here had the same interpretation. I have also been careful to point out that I drew no conclusions about the author or her S, other than that a person needs to be clear when they are giving information and then seeking advice.
My apologies to all for my own wording if my previous wording wasn’t clear. My only quibble is with the wording the Op used in her first post. If some disagree with that, and feel the Op was perfectly clear, that’s ok. If anyone thinks I said anything other than that, then they are misunderstanding me.</p>